Sunday, February 28, 2010

take the quiz.. find out if your cat is trying to kill you.

Is your cat plotting to kill you?

Friday, October 30, 2009

long freakin survey

Finish this sentence: The last person I kissed is...
Buttons -on the ear ok he's not a "person" but screw you, survey, I dont feel like going "there" tonight

Would you be surprised if your most recent ex called you tonight?
yes I'd die of shock cause he never called me when we were together! ROFL

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?

Did you sleep alone last night?
no, there was a pooh bear in there

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
Hmm I think I was between men at that time... why am I ALWAYS SINGLE AT CHRISTMAS!?! *must find man NOW*

Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous?
don't they have something better to do? ffs

The last person you kissed, how many times have you cried in front of them?
Buttons has seen me cry more times than I can count

Next time will you kiss someone on the lips?
the lips? i am not sure :P

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?
Alex is here and she will be asking for bacon at 9am. dammit

Do you find piercings attractive?
let me see them

Who was the last person you talked to in person?

What were you doing last night at midnight?
trying to shove an 85 lb child off my side of the bed

Lets start with the personals okay?
I don't want to put an ad in the personals!

Waiting for something?

Last December, what was your love life like?
I had just started having feelings for a good friend..

Do you have a job?
is your hamster depressed? send him to me.

Your phone is ringing. It's your ex. What do you say?
which one? Well logically speaking its probably Jamie as he calls here 100x per day.. so I throw Alex the phone and mutter a few curse words

When you trip, do you get embarrassed or just play it off?
I scream "DAMN YOU, GRAVITY!!!!!!!!" and shake my fist at the earth

Did you lose friends when you started dating your most recent ex?

You kissed someone last night, didn't you?
that wasn't me.

What's so special about what you're wearing?
my electric pants? they keep me from having thoughts. I was ordered to wear them by law.

If you had to choose one: strawberries or grapes?

Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
I always accept, then they delete me

Do you have a favorite number?

Who is your last received call from?
Andrea to tell me about her Target shopping nightmare on Halloween Eve

Do you think the last person you kissed cares for you?
Buttons could take me or leave me, really. Hes a cat.

Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
FUCK I hope so

Would you hug the last person you hugged again?
They filed a restraining order.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
yes but they don't listen

Are you wearing something you borrowed from someone?
no. ewwwww

What is the last thing someone bought you?
jason bought me a toothbrush.. rofl. and you said romance was dead!

Who was the last person you talked to last night before bed?

Have you made a mistake this past week?
yes.. not turning my phone off Monday night

Do you drink tea?

When was the last time you really laughed?
The day me and Andrea went walking... I got tickled telling her about my eHarmony rejection experience...

I'll bet you miss someone right now?
several people..

Who is the last person you high-fived?
my gynecologist

Was yesterday better than today?
who cares!

Where was your default photo taken?
south park graveyard

Are you easily amused?
usually, but probably not the past month or so

Does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
I have no clue who that was

Do you miss your past?
I miss my 17 yr old body..

Are there any people who don't like you?
oh yes... i'm difficult to love and easy to hate

Who knows you the best?
a couple of people :-)

Does anyone call you babe or baby?
not in person

What will you be doing tomorrow?
going to a halloween party dressed as a kitty

Be honest, who are you texting?
no one right this second, but I've sent texts to four diff people today :-)

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
come on baby let me know

Who was the first person you talked to today?
my priest

You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
unfortunately I am in the same situation again... :-( waaaaaaaaaaa

Do you think you are a good person?
I am, but apparently I was horrid in my previous life

Are you a patient person?
NOOOOO I'm about to lose my mind just filling out this thing!

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
Yes if I could get in one

Think a lot before you fall asleep?
No thinking is BAD

Do you care what others think about you?
only certain ones

Do you enjoy late night phone conversations?
hahahaha I can't even remember the last time I had one!

Were you happy when you woke up today?
Yes I was..

What are you excited for?
the future

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Forcing Alex to take a bath

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothes?
most of my ex's were smaller than

What is something you really want right now?
what i was emailing about earlier. LMAO

Are you wearing any makeup right now?

Do you have any saved texts?
Yes and I haven't the heart to delete them yet...

Are you someone's best friend?
I hope I'm not their worst

Last time you wore a dress?

Do you enjoy summer?
yeah except pool maintenance.. *must find pool man/bf*

Do you eat ranch with your pizza?
I rarely eat pizza..trying to reduce circumference of ass..

What do you currently hear?
Buttons wailing at something outside the window..

Is your hair curly or straight?
in between, just enough to be a pain

Who did you last go out to eat with?
Andrea and the kids

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Have you ever broken someones heart?
I hope not

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

Have you ever gotten a teddy bear from a girlfriend/boyfriend?
yes lol... awwwww

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with a J?
who me?? LMAO perhaps

Where would you rather live, England or Italy?
ENGLAND but visit Italy sometimes?

What would be the first thing you would do with 100,000 dollars?
pay off my bills, and plan a trip

Are you addicted to cigarettes?

What woke you up this morning?
SAM 105.1

Who was your last outgoing call to?

Would you ever get someones name tattooed on you?
Only if I wanted the relationship to end.

What are you supposed to be doing right now?
I was supposed to work out and clean tonight.. oops

Are you the type of person who likes to be out or home?
I'm a homebody but I do like to go out once in awhile

Do you know how to work a computer well?

Are you happier now than you were three months ago?

Do you like to hold hands?

Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the planet?

How was your day overall?
it was erotically charged but lacked reality

Do you think about your life in a different way now then you did a year ago?
I suppose I am a bit more realistic about it :-(

Have you done anything embarrassing lately?

Have you ever received a homemade card from someone?
Alex's cards are one of a kind lol

When will your next kiss take place?
I have no clue..

Has anyone said they love you in the last week?

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?

Any up coming events you're excited about?
Partay tomorrow night

What's your plans for Friday?

Do you curse in front of your parents?
Yes they are dead and don't care

Anything make you smile today?
dirty emails LOL

Someone tells you that you're beautiful, you say?
time to visit the optometrist

Where did you get the pants you're wearing?
I bought them at Target

Would you rather text or use MSN?

What are you doing other than this survey?
yawning and wondering if it will ever end!

Do you shop at Aeropostale?
No I'm a fat ass

Do you apologize?
yes even when I'm not sorry! Its a sickness!

Do you believe in forever?
Nothing lasts forever

When was the last time it rained?
all week it seemed like

Where do you want to live when you are old?
in the arms of a righteous man who loves me

How many piercings have you had in your life?
three (ears)

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?
sure. but i might get arrested

Do you like where you live?

How's your sister?
Don't get me started on her tonight...

Have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something?
Yes Jamie was always throwing shit and breaking stuff and busting holes in the walls..

Tell us the truth, what made you start liking the person you like now?
the photos.

Are you afraid of losing the last person you talked to?

Where is your biological mother right now?

Let's test your memory, what were you doing at this moment a year ago?
filling out a survey and feeling desperately alone.. what a coincidence!

Have you ever held hands with the opposite sex?
not hands.

Do you smoke weed everyday?
I try to but sometimes life gets in the way.

When was the last time you went to the circus?

What is bothering you right now?
lack of men in my bedroom

Have you ever liked someone older than you?
it happens sometimes

When was the last time a person of the opposite sex hugged you?
September 2

Is good vocabulary attractive?
it sho is

Is there anyone you'd die for in order to save their life?

Do you think that crying is a form of weakness?
No, it just means you have emotions.. although I have cried enough to last several lifetimes.. i'm sick of it

Who regularly makes appearances in your dreams?
Alex asking for bacon

What's your mood?

What were you doing when you found out Michael Jackson was dead?
cleaning the pool, jason texted me.

What does the last text in your inbox say?
mmmmm yes is right

If you found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you do?
Wheres some rope, a gun, a razor??????????

Do you currently have a crush on someone? Or any feelings at all?
yes and yes

What would you do if you walked in on your bestfriend having sex?

Could you forgive your bestfriend for sleeping with your bf/gf?
I dont know..I wouldn't forgive my bf

What do you miss most about the past?
all the sex

Do you like country music?
Not really although I do like the Dixie Chicks

Did you kiss anyone this summer?

Are you cocky?

Are you listening to music right now?
only in my head

Is any part of you sad at all?
yes :-(

Do you miss someone right now?
see above

Could you go the rest of your life without doing any drugs?
No!!!!! must have drugs!! lmao

Which friend are you most similiar to?
Jilly and I seem to have a lot in common.. but then Jaimy and I share a brain....oh this is tough..

You win backstage passes to meet the Jonas Brothers, you...?
SELL them

Sunday, October 11, 2009


For a long time now I've been following you
but with every step that I grow closer,
you take two steps away...
I can't see what is in your mind, nor your heart, and so
I fumble along blindly
hoping to catch up with you,
and fall into your elusive embrace..

Hopelessness has spread across my heart...
from the hidden corners where I kept it tucked away,
it grew and grew,
fed by the daily diet of despair
and now has engulfed me in its icy grip..
winter has set in and the fiery embers have long been extinguished,
but I cannot seem to stop trying
to generate warmth from the ashes left behind...

I watch you walk on ahead down this same old path, and I pause for a moment
catching my reflection in a stream,
the misery etched upon my face from years
upon years
of longing...

I see another road ahead,
veering off into the unknown
and I head towards it eagerly...
as the rising sun spreads its warmth across my face
and thaws my frozen soul

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

stalker list from facebook :P

Tuesday, September 1, 2009 at 10:19am | Edit Note | Delete
1.) Take a screenshot of your stalkerlist and attach it to this note. Stalkerlist can be found here:
2.) Write the names of everyone on your stalkerlist below.
4.) Tag everyone you mentioned.

1. Margaret
2. Tina
3. Paul
4. Pippa
5. Norman
6. Laura
7. Fi
8. Jason
9. Rita
10. James
11. Jaimy
12. Jill
13. Megan
14. John
15. Susan
16. Ron
17. Kevin
18. Ian
19. Rhoda
20. Andrea
21. Jessica

→Are you honestly surprised about any of these?
Nothing surprises me anymore

→How did you meet 4?
On Myspace and in real life on my trip to Cornwall in April

→How much does 9 mean to you?
A whole lot she is my big sissy

→What is your most fond memory with 19?
Real life- probably when she came downstairs from using the internet and said "who's next" and Ian jumped up and said "ME ME ME!"
online- when we used to hang out at the Whitehorse Pub on myspace

→Do you know all of 2's secrets?
No but Jason does probably, the nosy bastard

→If you could marry either 1 or 21, who would it be?
That is tough. Number 1 is a saucy lil minx but number 21 would feed me well...hmmm I'll get back to you

→How far do you think you are on 5's stalkerlist?
I have no clue

→When is the next time you're going to see 7?
Maybe I will saunter up to Canada one day and pop in for a visit :-) who knows?

→When is the last time you saw 17?

→How do you think 13 feels about you?
She thinks I looked better on facebook.. ROFL

→Are 11 and 12 anything like each other?
Other than starting with the letter J, no.

→Describe the relationship between 14 and 20.
They don't know each other but they both share a secret love for goats

→Would you ever want to date 18?
He is very cute but I am not sure he is kinky enough for me.. LMAO

→What do you think 9's parents are like?
same as mine :P

→Is 10 single?
He has a girlfriend and he wears her undies

→If you had never met 6, how would your life be different?
It would be the same as we have never met! LOL

→If you could tell 8 one thing right now, what would it be?
Quit farting in my bed!!

→What is the funniest thing you've ever heard 16 do?
He was squatting in an abandoned shack in GA for months (stealing the internet and posting random conspiracy theories on facebook along with various youtube videos of angst-ridden songs) whilst trying to elude the police, but they werent even chasing him.

→If 3 died, would you be lost?
Yes cause he stole my GPS

→What is 15's only weakness?
Bald men with tattoos

→Are you friends with any of 19's friends?
Yes she was one of the first English friends I added on myspace, and she told Jason to add me. I have since forgiven her.

→Do you think 16 and 8 would make a good couple?
only if I can be in the middle ;-)

→Who is 21 to you?
a good buddy who loves kitties and food and sleeping almost as much as me :-)

→What is the most badass thing you've ever seen or heard 5 do?
He used to be in the Hells Angels but its a big secret. oops

→If 1 and 3 hated each other, what would change?
the seating arrangements at my funeral

→If 2 said to you that s/he loved 6, what would your response be?
that does not surprise me.

→Is 4 anything like 18?
Eerily enough, I think they may be the same person. An investigation is underway.

→How much trust do you have confined in 10?
I nearly went to jail for him for impersonating a Holiday Inn employee

→If you fell off a bridge, would you trust 13 or 17 to catch you more and why?
I think it might take both of them and maybe a few more people and a big net

→Is 12 fun to be around?
Yes she is, she is adorable and loads of fun! and she wants me real bad.

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Duck Lies


RULES - Copy, paste, and fill out in your notes section (created on your profile page). Then, tag your friends, including me.

What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
a finger ;-)

Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20?
Roger, he wanted to get out of the house today

How do you feel about Dr. Pepper?
It was a great album

Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
No! I only kiss guys whos name starts with J

Where was your profile picture taken?
in a hut in Zimbabwe

Can you play guitar hero?
No I play Pan Flute Hero for Wii. Its not as popular but it makes my lips very strong and you'll thank me later

Name someone that made you laugh today?
some poor bastard who got pulled by the cops

How late did you stay up last night and why?
My minions bored me... 10pm

If you could move somewhere else, would you?
I have a computer chair with wheels.. the world is my oyster

Ever been kissed under fireworks?
Your eyes are like fireworks.. where the hell is my sandwich?

Which of your friends lives closest to you?
Fred. He isn't real

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
When they are dead yes

Calling or texting?
I like when you are talking to someone on the phone and instant messaging them online simultaneously and they are saying one thing and typing what they are really thinking... its very illuminating

When was the last time you cried really hard?
Last time I weighed myself

Where are you right now?
Depends which part you are referring to...

What bed did you sleep in last night?
The one in my bedroom... its conveniently located in the center of it

What was the last thing someone bought for you?
someone left a bottle of wine and some lubricant outside my door. thanks!

Who took your profile picture?
Mufasa, my spiritual advisor. First he said it was against his spiritual beliefs to take photographs but then I gave him $5 and he said digital was ok

Was yesterday better than today?
Every day is better than the one before, and they will continue to get better and better, and then I'll die

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Not judging from my previous experience

Are you a bad influence?

Night out or night in?
Night in and out, in and out, in and out :-)

What items could you not go without during the day?
water, coffee, xanax, wine, blackberry, whip, handcuffs, potato

What does the last text message in your inbox say?
You are a fucking bitch!!
(its from Roger, I left him in the car)

How do you feel about your life right now?
Its feels so right how can it be wrong?

Do you hate anyone?

If we were to look in your facebook inbox, what would we find?
Death threats, sexual innuendo, indecent proposals, and thats just from the last 3 minutes

Can you easily tell if someone’s fake?
yes you just need a lighter

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
anyone who has seen the pics

Has anyone ever called you a perfectionist?
Hey I believe in doing things right

Can you whistle?
yes just put your lips together and blow :-)

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
Spread eagle with my head hanging off the bed

When is the next time you will see the person you like?
I can see him right now, but he doesn't know it.. mwahahahahah.. ewwww he is scratching himself

What song is stuck in your head?
Get Low

Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be?
A righteous man ready for action

Who was the last person to tell you that they love you.
Bob Vila

Wanna have grandkids before you’re 50?
FUCK NO I don't want to tend to my own kids let alone their snot-nosed offspring :-)

Name something you have to do tomorrow?
Drink wine and pleasure myself *burns the list*

Do you think too much or too little?

Do you smile a lot?
its more of an evil smirk

Who was your last missed call on your Mobilephone?
Bob Vila

What was the last book you read?
The sequel to He's Just Not that Into You.. its called "How to Get Him On Top of You"

What book are you currently reading?
Lets take a look at what is on my bedside table, shall we?
"Am I Telepathic or What?"
"Sandwiches for Deviant Lifestyles"
"I'm Seeing Double Which One is Real"

Is there something you always wear?
an expression of disbelief

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
plotting the deaths of my enemies, and having breakfast

Did you have an exciting last weekend?
I dont remember much of it, so probably yes

Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes well I crawled out of one and jumped on someone from the 2nd story.. haha... damn those Kamikazes

Have you ever dyed your hair?
no I shave.. oh wait you talkin bout my head? yes

Are you wearing a necklace / Chain?
studded collar

Are you an emotional person?
Damn those PIXAR MOVIES!!

Can you handle the truth?
can you?

What's something that can always make you feel better?

Will this weekend be a good one?
it always is, as long as I get to be with myself

What do you want right now?

Are you mad about anything?
I'm mad about you baby

When was the last time you were disappointed and why?
when mr duck dropped his trousers

Would you share a drink with a stranger?
is it a margarita?

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
my ex.. but you didnt hear that from me... I slid out the back just as he started coding

How many times have you been pulled over by the police?
I had to change my license plate, not so much anymore :-)

Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
No, I am way too curvy for that

Have you ever worked in a food place?
Yes and it was called THE FOOD PLACE. Spooky.

Where is your biological father right now?
Delivering dairy products

Whats on your schedule for tomorrow?
Due to all the death threats, I'd prefer to keep that to myself

Look behind you, what do you see?
I do not see a naked man who is happy to see me. Grrr

Can you live a day without TV?
I can live lots of days without that

Does anyone know your facebook password?
Fred and he promised he won't tell

Would you like some cake?
only if it has cocaine in it

Monday, August 03, 2009

I got this from Ric, along with a nasty rash

Fill out this fun The Only 17 Questions That Really Matter Survey and then share it with your friends.
DO IT! It only hurts a little.

Rightside up or upside down?
which side is the wrong side? I'm so long as I can tell where everything is, I dont care.

Satin or sandpaper?
satin sheets... and a scruffy mans face scratching my inner thighs.. ooooh yeah

Last thing you lost?
a bet with God. *shakes fist at heavens*

Last thing you found?
Jesus, he was down inside the sofa. Also, 75 cents.

If you had to name your thumbs, what would you name them?
Harold and Alberta

Are you ticklish? If so, which body part(s)?
I do not reveal my weaknesses.

What do you REALLY think about granny panties?
STFU, Jason!

Animal you most resemble?
a plump hedgehog with a bitchy attitude

Fast motion, slow motion or still?
I like my cars fast, my porn in slow mo and my water still

Speaking of hair, would you rather eat a pile of hair or a cup of skin flakes?
where did this hair come from?

Do you prefer standing in line or sitting in traffic?
There are lots of fun things you can do while sitting in traffic, and no one can see what you're doing ;-)

Cannibalize or be cannibalized?
can't we just eat each other simultaneously?

Would you prefer to wake up with a bed full of rabid sewer rats or tarantulas?
I pick tarantula as it seems unlikely they have cold wet noses

Would you rather have a constant ringing in your ear or uncontrollable facial twitches?
*raises eyebrow*
*rolls eyes*
*picks up phone*

Grass or asphalt?
hey no one rides for free, hand it over and hop in

Would you recommend this quiz to friends?
Yes, it was stimulating and satisfying... like myself.

Why are you still here? The quiz is over.
I'm struggling to get on with life. It seems meaningless and empty now.

Monday, July 06, 2009

Random Crap from the Muffin Lair

1. Where is your cell phone? In my underwear set to vibrate. Where else

2. Your significant other? Doesn't exist. This muffin is free... but not for sale. Try and tame me.

3. Your hair? I just asked and it said it wasn't fine, and was feeling a tad coarse today.

4. Your mother? Watches over me and shakes her head in dismay.

5. Your father? Same as above.

6. Your favorite food? Melted milk chocolate on a righteous man. Or Mexican food.

7. Your dream last night? I dreamed I was about 6 mos pregnant. I awoke in a cold sweat.

8. Your favorite drink? Water dripping off a righteous man who just stepped out of the shower. Or a margarita.

9. Your dream/goal? Getting everyone out of my house.

10. What room are you in? The hidden videocam/satellite room of the muffin lair. I can see you.

11. Your hobby? Collecting dryer lint and plotting world domination.

12. Your fear? Ass expansion

13. Where you want to be in 6 years? Alive

14. Where were you last night? In a ditch in Marshallberg, curled up in the fetal position

15. Something that you aren't? Thin

16. Muffins? There is only one.

17. Wish list item? I cannot reveal what is on the list. Those who glance at it must be terminated immediately.

18. Where you grew up? Whatway, Zimbabwe

19. Last thing you did? Pleasured myself and had a diet dr pepper

20. What are you wearing? A shirt, took my pants off because they angered me

21. Your TV? Which one?

22. Your pets? Take a few when you leave

23. Your friends? Are tasty

24. Your life? Ain't bad

25. Your mood? Well, I'm in a killy/maimy kinda mood today.

26. Missing someone? Officer, I lost control of my steering wheel.. I swear

27. Car? Honda

28. Something you're not wearing? An idiotic smile

29. Favorite store? LUSH

30. Favorite color? Your stupid questions irritate me.

33. Last time you laughed? When I saw what my ex is now driving

34. Last time you cried? When I saw the pics Rita uploaded this morning of my fat ass in a bathing suit

35. Who will resend this? I don't give a shit, go on, delete me!

36. One place you go to over and over? The enchanted forest with the righteous man and the unicorn and mass quantities of merlot and a big blanket. Its a happy place.

37. One person who emails you regularly? Clive Owen. I think he will lift the restraining order very soon.

38. Favorite place to eat? Off a righteous man

39. Last song you heard? Sex on Fire.. its been on repeat in my car for like a week now

40. What you believe in? Myself. If I can't do it, then fuck it.