Friday, January 28, 2005

I confess, I believe in Frisbeetarianism

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

I just performed a personality test on myself. (Did that sound perverted or is it just me?)
Anyway, the results are in.
You are a WECL--Wacky Emotional Constructive Leader. This makes you a People`s Advocate.You are passionate about your causes, with a good heart and good endeavors. Your personal fire is contagious, and others wish they could be as dedicated to their beliefs as you are. Your dedication may cause you to miss the boat on life's more slight and trivial activities. You will feel no loss when skipping some inane mixer, but it can be frustrating to others to whom such things are important. While you find it difficult to see other points of view, it may be useful to act as if you do, and play along once in a while. In any event, you have buckets of charisma and a natural skill for making people open up. Your greatest asset is an ability to make progress while keeping the peace.Of the 83025 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 6.1 % are this type.
my response: mmmmmK

Check out the hilarious newspaper articles here:
I got a good laugh on these, thanks David @ fishtownchatter :)

All I can say is, TGIF cause I am ready to take 'er easy, son.
Have a nice weekend. Wait, that sounds so lame. Have a fantastically extraordinarily amazingly perfect weekend. There.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

could be meat, could be cake. Its MEAT-CAKE.

In case you're wondering the title comes from a wonderful comedy bit by George Carlin referring to mystery food left in the fridge. You gotta love George. I can't believe I haven't posted on here in nearly 2 weeks. Geez what have I been doing?? I guess you can see that I have updated the name of my blog, I thought it was way too boring and wanted an international flair. I mean it's only right for such a woman of mystery as myself, no? There was a full moon last night, and as all good Sweepsheeter's know, it was time to howl. Good fortune, shine my way. I have just started taking a supplement called CLA which is supposed to magically remove fat from my body. I am skeptical, of course (please.. need you doubt me?) but it worked wonders for a friend of mine, and it's worth a try. I am still planning on joining the gym as of Feb. 1, Lauren would you just chill out? My back, shoulders and feet have been bothering me and I really need to get in shape. I have a birthday coming up (#37) and if I am going to do it, I better do it now. Oprah, look out.
I have run out of time, as lunchtime beckons with sweet forebodings of Healthy Choice meals and cottage cheese. I bid you adieu for now.
kiss kiss

Thursday, January 13, 2005

One ticket for Mudchute, Please

We have been having MAJOR cable internet probs for the last 2 months, James has exhausted every possible solution before finally resorting to calling the dreaded ROAD RUNNER TECH SUPPORT. They informed us that our modem was not on (but yes it was) and they would send someone out the next day. He came out, and roadrunner is now working but the guy will have to come back next week to repair the cable outside. He has rigged it for now, there is a cable going across the yard which will probably not last long so I hope they come back soon.
A few weeks ago, I tried to order some more Seasonale BC Pills online, as I am terrified of being weighed at the drs office. I found a page that said to click here to order I clicked it, it asked for my cc info, then the next thing I knew it said I had ordered breast enhancement pills!! What bastards!!!!!!!! Of all things, I do NOT need breast enhancement. Believe me. I have written them 3 times, and they keep saying that they have issued a credit but I have YET to see it on my credit card bill. BEWARE OF MAX-RX!!
Buttons has his wittle eyes open, he is soooo adorable. He looks like a mini boots with no tail. God Bless. He has doubled in weight since last week and now weighs a whopping 6 oz. More pics soon I promise. His mommy Boots is in big trouble however, as she has pissed all over my quilt/sheet yesterday AND the day before. With my dryer on its last wobbly peg leg, it takes about 6 hours to dry the quilt and sheet so I have spent two days drying them. I swear, if she pissed on them again, there will be an orange stripey rug by my bed. James seems to think these sorts of problems can be solved by spraying Febreze all over the pee spot. Maybe if it was a teeny tiny little spot but seriously when its about 20 oz of cat piss and its soaked through to the sheet, I dont think freaking Febreze will cut it. James loves that crap, he should do a frickin commercial for them.
I got bored at work yesterday afternoon as Bud would not leave, so I cleaned up my office REALLY GOOD, (I drank a double shot of coffee at 230 which got me going). Bud walked in there before he left and he was like YAY!! Very sarcastically. Then I went to the grocery store and picked up some cat litter, green apple mr clean and some Glade clean linen air freshener. I came home and Lauren swept the kitchen floor and I mopped it with the green apple stuff and then I sprayed the clean linen, it smells so freaking nice and clean now!! Its not as good as the clean cotton yankee candle, but it actually smells pretty close and is far more affordable.
I dont know about you guys but scents trigger memory flashbacks for me..songs do too, but for some reason a certain scent can instantly trigger a vivid memory for me. I was just at the Trade Mart pumping gas, and there was a guy in a diesel truck pumping gas next to was sprinkling and there was a light breeze and the sky was all gray. Well when I smelled those diesel fumes and the rain I went to London for a moment. I breathed in those fumes and memories came flooding in my brain..the sound and smells of London...riding on the rickety Mudchute tube, the scent of diesel in the air; shopping at Harrods and Marks & Spencers; having a full English breakfast (hold the black pudding please), taking in an evening show on the West End; and riding through rain-soaked streets afterwards, the streetlights reflecting in them like a blurry watercolor, as I sit in the back of a London black cab. I would love to go back one day, although if James reads this he will think I am pining for Paul. Get a grip James, Paul is married and lives in the Czech Republic now!! There is so much that I havent seen in the world. I want to go to Italy as well. Dont even get me started. Olive Garden Sweepstakes, PICK ME!!!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

a baby for boots

Boots had a baby boy on New Years Day! We took her to the vet yesterday and since there is only one kitten she isnt producing enough milk so we will have to supplement with bottle feedings. Unfortunately the vet didnt give us a bottle, she told us to use a syringe. Well we tried last night and it was just impossible. we got maybe a drop inside of his mouth. So James is going to go to the pet store today to try to find a bottle. He is very fat, and when he isnt nursing he's sleeping so I really don't think he is starving. They told us to mix 2-1/2 tbsps of the kitten milk in with Boots' food also as it will help her produce her own milk. Boots is the orange tabby and the daddy is Mojo the black manx so Buttons (the kitten) is an orange manx LOL. He is soooo cute. I neeed to charge up my camera battery so I can take some pics of him to post here.
I dont think Boots knew what was going on. We had suspicions that she was pregnant but she wasnt very big, not like most pregnant cats you see. (Now I know why, there was only one, isnt that funny). New Years Day she came and jumped on the bed and started meowing pitifully. Ok, Boots never meows so I knew something was wrong. Then she jumped behind the dresser and I heard her let out a yelp of pain. I called her and tried to reach her but I couldnt get to her. Well I walked into the kitchen and Boots ran out there after me. Her butt was all wet, and I thought she had diarrhea again or something. Then I was standing in the kitchen with all the cats and I heard meowing coming from the bedroom. I was like, WTF???? I walked into the bedroom and sure enough there was loud meowing coming from behind the dresser. I went and woke Lauren up and we got a flashlight and Lauren crawled back there. Well Boots heard the meowing and walked over to the dresser and starts hissing and growling. I got scared that she would hurt the kitten or something. Then all of a sudden she jumped back there, and a minute late she jumps back out with the kitten in her mouth. We had a little cat bed and she laid the kitten in there. Right now she is staying in Alex's bedroom with the kitten but when I am home she and the kitten stay by my bed. The first few days she would not nurse unless James, Lauren or myself was sitting next to her on the bed, but she seems to be getting the hang of it now. I cannot wait until this kitten is a little bit older and I know it will be ok. It is so small and helpless right now, and I am worried sick about it! I guess they are pretty tough though, James said yesterday at the vet, Boots was lying on top of the kitten and the vet didnt see Buttons there so they picked Boots up and the kitten was still attached to her tit and he went flying onto the floor. Poor thing. I am already attached to this baby and now when we start bottle feeding it I will be so emotionally attached to it I just know it.
I have my new contest up on my site, this month I am giving away the Wonder Woman Season One DVD that I won from DC Comics. I will put some other goodies in there also for the winner. I also added a funny quotes page, and put my Sweepsheet Profile on there. I need to scan that thing again, it looks like crap!! Its on my to-do list.
I have been on time for work every day, in fact I have been EARLY every day. yesterday I was 40 mins.early. The hardest thing is staying off the internet. God I am so addicted!! And tired. waaaa. I am not a morning person, I like sleeping til about noon LOL. At least Bud didnt quit smoking yet, he was grumpy enough!! I hope he doesnt read this :P