Monday, July 28, 2008

I wish it was my funday....

If your ex really needed you at 3 am but you had no way to their house what would you do?
I'd tell him to hold his breath I will be right there.

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Someone said "have a nice day" to me earlier. Its too much pressure.


What is the last thing you spent money on?
I bought pjs on gap. com (I highly recommend their super soft pjs they feel SOOO freakin good)

What was the last thing you cried about?
I was pmsing and I saw a picture of a puppy.

Last person you blocked on myspace?
I haven't had to block anyone yet.

Who did you hangout with last night?
it was just me and the girls, Droopy and Saggy

What are your plans for the weekend?
I have no clue but it looks like I might be child free Sat night, so call me.

Have you ever cried while in the shower?
I never take showers I am a bath girl.

And why would I cry in the bathtub? Its my 2nd favorite place to be (1st is my bed)

Do you miss the person you fell the hardest for?
Yes so if you are reading this, John Krasinski, call me.

Does the last person you held hands with, mean a lot to you?
she is my pooh bear!

Do you wish you never dated someone you dated?
ALL OF THEM this is why I have been single for a year now

Could you go a day without eating?

When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
earlier we exchanged raised eyebrows in the hallway

Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
Everyone in Otway.

Do you still talk to the person you last dated?
FUCK NO....MAY I REPEAT FUCK NO- may I steal G's Girl's answer.

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a j?
unfortunately and it wasn't the one I really wanted to

Your ex is driving next to you, what do you do?
I drive a big SUV. hehe. I swerve towards him and keep on truckin as his car goes hurtling into the ocean.


What are your feelings towards your most recent ex?
I used to hate him but now I don't give a shit if he lives or dies.

But if he does die, please make it slow and painful!

Is there someone you want to fight?
Charlize Theron. C'mon, she was freakin hot in Hancock.

Has anyone ever told you they were in love with you?
yes it happens from time to time.

I don't know why

Do you believe in true love?
I have never experienced it so I have no clue. But I believe in hot animal muffin sex.

Why did you and your most recent ex break up?
Ummm he was a pathological liar and cheater who slept with women he picked up on eBay and World of Warcraft (those are the ones I know about)

When was the last time you were disappointed?
Everytime I look in the mirror

Are you playing hard to get right now?
no I don't play games

Do you miss your past?
I miss ages 20-30 that were stuck in a marriage where I had ZERO FUN

Would you date someone if they weren’t very attractive, but had the perfect personality?
LMAO That is too funny G's Girl that is what I always say, they have to have nice teeth and hands! LOL spooky!

What are you doing tonight?
cuddling with pooh bear

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
its possible but was never intentional

Which tv show have you seen pretty much every episode of?
Father Ted
Black Books
Six Feet Under

Ever been in an ambulance?
Yes with my mom

Honestly, has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
not in a very long time. Pics will be posted soon to rectify that.

Honestly, if you could go back 6 months and change something would you?
6 months? No I can't say that I would

Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
I hope not. I hate when that happens.

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
a righteous man with a large penis who wants to massage me and feed me chocolate

Do you know anyone in the military currently?
yes and they are kinda pervy.

What's the last thing you put in your mouth?

a strawberry.

Have you fixed friendships with anyone lately?
Haven't had to

Does your father approve of you dating?
He's deceased so I don't think he is worrying too much about it anymore

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
that guy on the moped. oh yes.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Survey ala Hazel

How many bathing suits do you own?
two I think (that fit)

What woke you up this morning?
the cats had gotten hold of my vibrator

Have you seen all six star wars movies?
of course, and I own the first three (which are really the last 3, how confusing is that)

Have you ever been given an engagement ring?
Yes Ric gave me one last night, it was bizarre and was in the shape of a rainbow of stars and they glowed in a pattern. Oh wait I dreamed that.

Who was the last person you were in a car with?
My kids

Have you ever stolen a sign from a street?
Yes I stole a billboard of David Beckham wearing underwear, its in my bedroom now.

Do you own a gun?
it only stuns people long enough for me to tie them up and throw them in the back of my SUV

When is the last time you went fishing?
I fish for compliments all the time

Are your toenails painted?
of course!

Name 3 things you drink regularly?
water, tea, the semen of a righteous man.

(one or more of the previous may be untrue)

What is the last thing that made you laugh?
the thing on Roberts blog about squirrel eggs.

Who is in the bathroom right now?
Russell Crowe. He had to go potty.

Who did you hang out with last night?
loads of celebrities, or a bunch of orange cats. Take your pick.

When are you going to bed tonight?
whenever I get done.

Have you ever shut someone's fingers in a door?
I slammed someone's penis into a drawer.

just kidding, but he deserved that

Do you know how to change a tire?
I know how but have never actually done it and I hope I never have to, because it looks like work.

Do daddy long legs freak you out?

What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
slithering out of bed

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
nah I prefer the tongue one.


Look to your left what do you see?
a purple Dyson and a mt dew mini fridge

What do you think of when you think of Australia?

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

When was the last time you went swimming in a pool?
a few days ago at the hotel

What was the last reason you cried?
PMS I was mental

Is there anything that you are craving for right now?
hot animal sex with a righteous man.

How many times I gotta tell you that?

Do you drink tea?
Yes iced tea at restaurants, and hot tea before bed.

What jewelry are you wearing?
my penis necklace.

Do you clean when you’re upset?
hahaha I would think being upset a good excuse not to clean.

Whats the one thing that always gets you through a bad day?

Where is the last place you went to go eat?
Net House Good lord its expensive.

Where is the last place you went shopping for clothes?

Have you ever been on television?
my arm was shown as I waved out of a truck at the 2002 Monster Jams Finals in Las Vegas.

( I won the trip and got to compete with 6 others in a key turn to win a truck, I didnt win)

Do you trust people easily?
No I do not.

Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex?
No they wouldnt dare.

10 being your best, what were you today?

The ginormous zit has made me lose my confidence!

..You're at a friends to watch a movie and you get to choose the movie genre, what do you pick?
Comedy or Horror

Can you cook harder things then spaghetti, pancakes, and macaroni and cheese?
I make excellent pan seared salmon, french toast, and lasagna to name a few.

What is your favorite game system?

Are you addicted to myspace?
I thought so, but I went a week without!

Do you know anyone that is currently locked up?
Not yet but theres a warrant.

What is your favorite kind of soda?
Mt Dew

What is your favorite candy bar?
Chick a stick

Do you really care about saving the planet?
I suppose

Has this year been good so far?

Have you ever been so drunk that you blacked out?
yes my brief college experience.

Have you ever changed your looks to impress other people and not really to make yourself happy?
Well I wore a low cut shirt when I went out with someone, and it did not produce the desired effect so from now on I say screw it. But I will still wear that shirt, I looked hot in it.

Do you change best friends a lot?

Have you ever gotten into a drunken fight?
No I get mellow and happy when drunk.

What kind of grades did you usually get in school?
Sickeningly good grades. straight A's. But look where it got me.

What are your plans for the future?

Who do you wanna see right now?
a righteous man walking towards me naked.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


What's one thing that would instantly make you dislike a person?
If they start bragging about their intellect.

What do you do when you need to relax?
take a bath and pleasure myself several times.

Do you want things in life to stay how they are or change?
I want one thing to change and I'm sure y'all know what.

If someone liked you, what would be the best way to let you know?
Send me loads of presents with the price tags on

What was the last thing you purchased?
a shitload of crap from Target

What do you do when you're stressed out?
see question 2

Do you believe in aliens?
I have dated a few.

Could you forgive a boyfriend or girlfriend who physically hurt you?
yes anal can be painful sometimes.

What's your greatest fear in life?

Do you have a best friend?
yes several

Do you think parents should stay together?
yes and I think unicorns should frolic in cotton candy mountains

Can money buy happiness?
no but you can rent it.

Are you looking forward to anything?
yes, for the love of GOD

Do you open up to people easily?
I'm shy but I do tend to be brutally honest sometimes

What do your friends call you?

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
the lady who told me that the two hotdogs, 1 chicken tenders and three drinks came to $45 at Busch Gardens.

What's the best thing about you?
OMG like I am so great its hard to name just one.

Do you think you would be a good parent?
Hmmm my kids would probably say no.

Are you a forgiving person?
NO disobey me and you are DEAD TO ME

Where is the last place you went out to eat?
Red Lobster. I feel sick.

Whats your favorite drink?

Do you miss anyone?
my imaginary friend Fred has been MIA.

Wonder where he's gone off to?

What were you doing at 3 AM this morning?
hehe wouldn't you like to know.

Is your room clean?
clean is such a subjective term. The room does not offend me.

What are you going to do tomorrow?

What is in store for your future?
Lots of sex! *jules tries being optimistic*

Do you take care of your friends while they're sick?
If they needed me to, then yes, I would end their suffering and make it look accidental.

Any piercings?
a few.

Any tattoo's?
one so far.

Favorite color?

Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with?

Who was driving the last time you were in a car?
Lauren drove home from New Bern

Who was the last girl and guy in your bed
Posh Spice and David Beckham

What are you craving?
hot muffin sex.

Whats the closest red thing to you?
OPI polish

What is the last pill you swallowed?
bc pill.

Why do I bother???

How did you sleep last night?
Ok but I woke up aching really bad. Sucks getting old.

What was the first thing you thought this morning?

What did you do last night?
we saw Dark Knight, went to Red Lobster, then went back to the hotel and slept

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
*waaaaaaaaaaaa* please GOD

What were you doing at 7 am?
I was lying in bed trying to go back to sleep

Who was the last person to call you?
Tracy my neighbor.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Dirty Black Summer

How old will you turn in 2009?
Not too old to kick your ass.

What's your mood?
Insubordinate and spunky.

Are you a social person?

What is your favorite candy?
Chick a Stick or Peppermint Patty

Do you like coffee?
I have four coffeemakers, what do you think?

What song is in your head?
Waking Up in Vegas...hey Ric you are full of shit even I would sleep with Shakira.

Do you shut off the water while you brush your teeth?
I have to because my plumbing is all FUCKED UP and everything leaks.

Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
Pool. But I hate cleaning it.

Oh Pool Boy, wherefore art thou?

What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
Hookers and pizza? I'm leaving Rics answer. Mine would be bath products.

If given the chance, would you try to take over the world?
Who says I am not?? Prepare to join my muffin army, or DIE

Did you ever buy fake glasses just to look smarter?
Yes I did after seeing Susan Sarandon in Witches of Eastwick... she was like totally hot

Do you own a squirt gun?
Not technically although Ric said it belonged to me and no one else.

What is a song they need to stop playing on the radio?
any sappy songs about Butterfly Kisses or dogs dying.

Isn't this world crappy enough??

Would you ever smile at a stranger?
I do it and then they snarl back.

Are you mad at anyone?
Myself for being so chicken.

What are you craving?
I need to be spanked and buttered, oh my...

Are you anything like you were at this point last year?
No I am a COMPLETELY different person with all new friends and a new body.

Have you ever stolen a boy/girl from another person?
My husband was dating a friend of mine when we met. But she was cheating on him left and right so I didn't really feel too bad about it. She made my senior year hell though.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours?
Not me I live to sleep.

What are you listening to?
A message Ric left on my phone last night. He seems to be breathing heavy.

What are your initials?
JAL which funnily enough is also the first letters of me and my two kids. I didn't plan that.

If you could bring one person back into your life, it would be?
I couldn't pick just one of my parents. So I will say Phoebe the cat. She loved me more than any animal ever did, until some lunatic ran her over.


Do you like the color grey?
Alex's eyes are sometimes grey, so yes.

Look outside, how's the weather?
Cloudy. And some weird guy is standing outside my window in a trenchcoat staring at me. OMG Ric has today off.

Are you jealous of anyone right now?
Whoever is having sex and doesn't have to go to work.

Do you regret doing something today?
Not yet but the day is young.

Would you date someone 8 years older than you?
Ric did you make up this question?

Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
There are some good friends who moved and I wish I could find them. They owe me money.

Do you think you're old?
I'm younger than Ric.

Are you afraid of the dark?
Only if I watch Ghosthunters before bed.

When is the last time you talked to number 1 on your top friends?
Yesterday I told her to clean the catbox or Buttons was going to poop on her head.

Do you like pancakes?
They are ok, but I make FANTASTIC french toast.


Is there a member of the opposite gender on your mind?
Buttons. I want to touch the nubbin.

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
Not yet I have only talked to my brother and if I said that, he'd have me committed.

Have you ever liked someone on your top friends?
All of them why else would they be there?

Do you have a facebook?
Yes but I dislike it.

How many people do you trust with everything?
I trust no one with anything. I don't even trust myself.

Are you single?
I am fluffy.

If you could date anyone, who would it be?
John Krasinski. Sorry Ric but a girl can dream.

It's harder than it looks (I've heard that before)

Here is what you do. Use the 1st letter of your middle name to answer each of the following... They have to be real places, names, things... nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.


Your middle name starts with: A as in Anne as in I am ABSTINENT AND NOT BY CHOICE

2.Famous artist/band/musician: ABBA. You will deny it but you can't help but sing along.


4-letter word: Anal- oh dear having thoughts again

4.State/city/place: Arkansas. Not where you want to go for your honeymoon.

5.Boy name: August, which is Rics dads name and ironically the month Ric was born. Fascinating.

6. Girl name: Alicia as in Alicia Keys, who is not Rics favorite singer.

7. Animal: Anaconda. Oh dear I am having thoughts.

8. Something in a bedroom: Armoir. oooh la la.

9. Reason for being late: Anal sex. Sounds like a pretty fucking good excuse to me.

10. Body Part? Armpit. You thought I was going to say Anus didn't you.

11. Drink: Absinthe.

I want to see the little green fairy and sing showtunes!!


Something you shout: ASSHOLE!!!! Old people should not be driving!

13. Something u eat: Armenian Goat Soup or perhaps an Apple.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

First Thing Quiz ala Neale

Type in the first thing that comes into your mind when you see these words

2 Relationships
something I suck at, every time. Think I should give up. Or go lesbo.

3 Your Last Ex
James? I couldn't care less if he lived or died. But if he dies make it slow and painful please.

4 Power
courses through my veins.

5 Food
is yummy. All of it. This is the problem.

6 Drugs
Want some. Have some? Call me.

7 The President
Bud. He is the president of our corporation. I am a mere secretary/treasurer.

8 War
what is it good for?

9 Cars

10 Gas Prices
a nightmare I cannot wake from.

11 Halloween
Wish it was here

12 Religion
Don't get me started.

13 Politics
Blech. Bunch of liars/pervs.

14 Myspace
a place for fiends.

15 Worst Fear
being eaten slowly by ants.

16 Marriage
an old fashioned form of torture and servitude.

17 Sex
Want some. Call me.

18 Fashion
David Bowie.

19 Brunettes

20 Redheads

21 Work
Me no likey.

22 Football
I don't care about sports.

23 Animals
dirty little bastards.

24 Vanilla Ice
cold coke.

25 Porta Potties
someplace I dont wanna go

26 Pajamas
silky smooth, shaven legs, cold sheets so soft, tangled in thoughts of you

27 Pictures
in my mind forever...I ache with loneliness

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Will this ever end??????????

Will this ever end??????????
Current mood: thirsty

I'm sorry but unless you are a little girl under the age of 6 this look does not work. Make it stop! I am not a fashionista or anything (haha obviously) and I am all about comfort. But seriously if you are on your feet all day, buy some nice athletic shoes or something. GEEZ.

Ok ok, lets say you work in a barn and you need a shoe you can "hose off' at the end of the day. I still say, wouldn't you rather have some nice rubber boots so that the manure wouldn't get inside your shoe and onto your piggies?? That is disgusting.

This chick just called here at work, she was like totally a valley girl, for sure! I mean, OMG! Are they still around?? Apparently they are, cause I started having flashbacks of myself wearing leg warmers during our conversation. She said someone recommended my name and number because they knew I was a big fan of wine. Ok, FESS UP which one of you did it?? Yes, I do enjoy a nice glass of wine once or twice a week. But why on earth would I want to purchase an entire case (12 bottles). I'm not having a big drunken wine tasting party (although that does sound kinda fun who wants to come). And, even though it is dark and has "like, a finish of raspberry, fer sure", how do I know I will actually like it? I really do not like most wine that I try. For example, my all time fave is Arbor Mist Blackberry Merlot. I hear you wine connoisseurs giggling, but you can kiss my big old butt (that is insured for 2 million dollars by Lloyds of London.)

I hate telemarketers with such a passion that I would refuse to buy anything from one of them, even if it was the best deal ever! Buy one sex toy for 2 dollars, get 10 free! No thanks. I prefer doing my shopping the natural way, ONLINE.

I have to admit though, this particular saleswoman had me chuckling. Even after I politely refused on the basis that I would never buy 12 bottles of a wine I had never tasted, she told me to "like, have a totally awesome day!" How cool is she. I want to be her friend. Oh nevermind I already have 360 of you guys.

Currently watching :
Sideways (Widescreen Edition)
Release date: 2005-04-05

do you have a date this weekend ala Paul

Do you have a date this weekend?
A date with DANGER

Do you get along better with girls or guys?
hmmmm I think like a guy but I do have girls who are great friends.

What do you think of your number 3 on your top friends?
he is awesome.

Do you hide your emotions?

When was the last time you received flowers?
I got a sympathy bouquet from my cleaning lady when the spider died in my office bathroom.

Who have you texted today?
Andrea, Margaret, Ric.

Who was last person you got in an argument with?
someone from work

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
I take BATHS but if you want to shower me with love and affection, I will take that anytime!

When was the last time you had pizza?
I had a nutrisystem pizza (if you want to call it a pizza its more like a coaster)

What do you wish you had right now at this moment?
a remote control that would mute my children.

When was the last time you got really anxious?
whenever I am unlocking the door to my home.

Who are you more like your mother or your father?
I have qualities of both, its hard to say.

Who is the last person you added to your contacts list in your phone?
Chilli but he hasnt called me

How many states in the US have you been to?
oh for the love of GOD I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE...LOTS

How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
I hope I am done.

What was the last thing you cried about?
Someone drank all my orange juice.

If you could either float on the moon, or snorkel the ocean, which?
float on the moon...that sounds like fun

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
Do I look like a fucking psychic?

Who was the last person that called you?
ELAINE. sigh.

Where were you on July 4th, 2007?
In Zimbabwe tending the goats.

Do you plan on moving in the next year?
My horoscope said I would, so it must be true. I can't imagine where. Isn't it exciting.

What did you do last night?
I wrote a novel while I was on the toilet. Its the sequel to the other one I wrote last week.

Is anyone mad at you?
Yes. Roger. I just don't care anymore.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
Yes but I would throw a damp towel on him to put him out.

Third text in your inbox?
something about elaine and drug money. but you did not hear that from me.

Have you been to New York City?
Yes but I can never go back I've been banned for life.

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
ELAINE and she drove me nuts in the span of five minutes.

Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
Ann Street.

How many piercings do you have?

Do you want more?
no thanks but I'd like some other holes to be poked please

Last time you laughed really hard?
last night on phone with ric

Where is your phone?
right here *points*

Do you know anyone by the name of Lee?
yes but you know him by another name that implies he is on sale.

Where is your pet(s) right now?
who the fuck knows, the dirty bastards.

What color phone do you have?
its silver but I have monet cover

Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
no its all wonderful like clouds and puppies dancing on a lollipop

Have you ate popcorn in the past 48 hours?
Only because Alex made me. I was testing it. I had to make sure it was edible, I mean not burned, I mean not poisoned. Fuck. Fine. I blew my diet.

You just HAD to get me to admit it, didn't you??

What happened at 10 a.m.

I set off a series of small explosions on the outskirts of a small town in Australia.

Do you need to say anything to anyone?
I'm sorry I killed you, Mr. Kangaroo.

What were you doing at 7 a.m.

I was on the way to Australia.

How do you feel?
a little jet lagged to be honest.

What is bothering you right now?
My shirt has a clorox spill on it, and I can't find a sharpie of the right color to cover it up.

Have you ever injected a drug?
Caffeine is injected into me every morning at 6am in increasingly larger doses until I regain consciousness.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

jennifers survey

Who were you with last night around 9:00pm?
Moped Man came over.

When's the last time you cried?
When Moped Man left.

What is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?
Moped Man will come back.

Do you bite your fingernails?
no thats gross! just my toenails.

Do you like Mexican food?
Sour cream, cheese, salsa, guacamole.

OMG Whats not to like?

Do you watch a lot of tv?
only when they are showing marathons of Little House on the Prairie.

Have you ever snuck out of your house?
No I sneak in and scare the kids.

Are you hungry?
I'm hungry for you. Just kidding I just had a roast beef sandwich, so I'm good.

Do you like your mom or your dad more?
I love(d) them equally.

Are you tanned?

What are you looking forward to in the next month?
Having random moments of peace and happiness.

Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
It is the color I was born with

When is the last time you talked to number 1 on your top friends?
a few minutes ago. she is here with me today.


Do you live with both of your parents?
No, how sad would that be? I am forty years old.

Do you think too much or too little?
I think too much about stupid shit and too little about important things. C'est la vie. For example, I am thinking way too hard about my survey answers.

Where were you at 9pm Tuesday night?
In Zimbabwe counting my goats.

What happened at 10:00am today?
I went to the toilet.

Does anyone call you babe?
My gynecologist.

What was the highlight of this week?
Alex scratched my back the other night.

Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
NO :-(

What was the last reason you went to the Doctor for?
anal discomfort.

How'd that get in there??

What jewelry are you wearing?
bracelet, necklace, earrings, rings, clit stud...the works.

Who will you see the most this weekend besides family?
The UPS man making deliveries.

Do you drink tea?

Have you ever wanted something you couldn't have?
a righteous man with a large penis.

What's the number one thing you want in life right now?
see above.

What are you listening to?
my eyelids breathe

Last missed call?
Rita Fajita

Last person you talked on the phone with?
My cell phone- Ric.

Why did you cry your last cry?
I was completely hormonal and out of my mind on Monday.

What was the first thing you did when you woke up today?
Checked the goats, watered the marijuana, raised the muffin flag, had a cup of coffee and got on myspace

Is there a meaning behind your profile song?
Yes but I cannot say.

Do you have a best friend?

Where does the last person you kissed go to school?
Alex? Smyrna.

who do you blame for your bad mood today?
I am not in a bad mood, but if I was, I'd blame Mickey Rourke.

do you care of what people think of you?
I used to, but not so much. With age comes wisdom, or maybe when you get old you just don't give a shit no more.

who was the last person you took a picture with?
Harrison Ford.

last person you went to the movies with?
Some guy I used to know who is now a hermit who is too busy to give me the time of day. Thats FINE cause you know what? I have a clock right here on my puter.

Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
how about forward 3 days- I agree with that answer.

What is your middle name?

what is your current mood?
not too bad.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
I'd do it all different next time around, Mugsy.

Ever had a near death experience?
Yes. I stubbed my toe and saw a bright light. Then George Carlin appeared and said, "Man that really sucked didn't it?" then he started laughing and faded away.

Is there something you do a lot?
I used to masturbate a lot but I am growing sick of myself.

Angry at anyone?
No but give me some time.

What did you do today?
I would list it all here, but then you'd feel inadequate and unfulfilled and you'd get all depressed because you've accomplished nothing today whereas I've done so many different things. So I'll spare you.

Where will you be 12 hours from now?
Thats the great thing about life, you never know. I could be halfway around the world 12 hours from now.

Have you ever been to a tanning bed?

Is it easy for others to make you feel awkward?
I always feel as though I am a prisoner trapped inside my own body. I wish I could learn to teleport myself. Its on my to-do list.

Have you ever kissed someone who's name starts with the letter B?
Bob Saget. I was drunk, it was Vegas.

The shame!

Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Yes Donna I would like those anal beads back please.

Today did you hug a person you have feelings for?
I have hugged no one.

Keep rubbing it in why don't you???

Do you own anything that cost more than 1000 dollars?
My ass is insured for 2 million by Lloyds of London.

How is your day so far?
Way too uneventful.

Do you want to go to college?
No how bout you go and leave me alone?

What was your favorite grade?
I had the most fun my junior year.

Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
When my last name was Day, they always asked me how to spell it.


Are you happy with your life?
There could be major improvements.

Is there a difference between the word best friend and good friend?
DUH ya think

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot?

Was this survey a waste of your time?
Well I am supposed to be paying bills....

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Pedro's Novel Has Been Published!!

Pedro’s Novel has been published!
Current mood: accomplished

It took Donna a couple of months to edit it... and then we had to find someone who would publish it... but now, thanks to Catnip Press, Pedro will soon be a bestselling author. And since I am his manager/owner I get all of the profits. Mwah hahahahaha. We had to change the names so that Jimmy and his restaurant would not sue us (now known as Timmy and The Really Clean Restaurant), but we all know who the evil kidnapper was and the story of Pedro's daring escape, don't we! If you have forgotten, may I suggest you re-read the following blogs:
The Abduction
My refusal to pay

Pedro's Daring Escape

And after you are done, please go to and purchase the book. I need some money for Lush ....and cat food.
And here is a quote from the novel....
"I do not understand why I was born, nor why I was abducted from my home and taken to this strange place. It smells of seafood and sweat here. This man spends hours dipping fruit into chocolate, when he is not camped out on the futon watching Seinfeld or The Simpsons. I have to admit I have started to enjoy the wisdom of Homer, he reminds me of my brother Bob. But then my captor will torment me by putting my cat food inside a tub of jello, or pouring tuna juice on his leg and asking me to lick it. He then tells me how my owner has forsaken me and refused to pay the two dollars ransom. I cannot go on much longer. I fear that every day will be my last as I sink slowly into madness."

myspace comments:

WTF. I hereby unsubscribe.

Posted by Buttons on July 5, 2008 - Saturday 5:29 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Wow. I simply had no idea. I guess I wasn't reading over here in those days. Such drama, such passion, such daring.... Pedro should be very proud of what is undoubtedly a grand literary achievement. And hopefully Buttons will someday come to understand.... I can say for certain that this is high art. The Wisdom of Homer. Truly profound. I have just one question - what was that middle part? ~M

Posted by Markus on July 5, 2008 - Saturday 6:15 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


What the dream? hehe you should settle down one evening and read the entire Buttmuffin movie. I promise you won't regret it. If you do, I will make it up to you somehow.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 5, 2008 - Saturday 6:19 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]



Pedro was a true primadonna to work with! He would stay out all night, catting around, binge on catnip, and come to the read-throughs stoned out of his little furry mind.

Then he would want to add bad puns to the story, which he found hilarious in his altered (ha ha -- I can do it, too, Pedro!) state. A particularly dreadful one he wanted to include was about how Jimmy, the catnapper, was a "purr snatcher."

*more sighs*

Posted by Belladonna on July 5, 2008 - Saturday 7:55 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]



Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 7:33 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


It must have been hell, Donna. But after all he's been through I suppose we can fur-give (ooops sorry!) his behaviour in telling his tail (oooops there I go again)

Posted by Chickwah on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 2:35 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Yes it was a harrowing ordeal. He goes to therapy sessions twice a week.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 7:34 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Well, I hope hes feline better (omg its catching!), and he didn't paws too much in his recital to Donna. Sounds like she was a whisker away from a catastrophic falling out! I will now shut up :O)

Posted by Jill on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 2:57 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


He wanted to call the book, "Pedro Un-Mewted," but the publisher wisely said no way!

Posted by Belladonna on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 3:36 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Yes he is feeling quite proud of himself. Buttons seems to be a bit pissed off. I mean really I DID give Buttons his own profile. But he wants to pen his own autobiography too. I don't think it will be as interesting since he has never left my bedroom. There isn't much action in here.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 7:36 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


I'll have brave the perils of the amazon* to get my hands on that novel. I love books about pussies, especially ones with pictures and a satisfying ending. It just brings a big lump to my....... oops i have to go the men in the whites coats have arrived.

*got the map of amazon here, but can't find a place called .com

Posted by ne@le on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 5:01 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


I have a GPS you can borrow.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 7:36 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


The emotional scars must run deep for Pedro. I hope that by finally telling all he can get over this odeal and put it behind him!
Shelby wishes him well...or at least Think she does...she's asleep in the sun.

Posted by Baz on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 9:48 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Thanks Baz and Shelby I will pass on your message to Pedro. I have to take him for his shiatsu massage shortly.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 11:19 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]

It Is Not Complicated

I was just wondering why I don't get notified when you blog and then I read the blog and the comments and somehow I am all kind of confused. I need another nap.

Posted by It Is Not Complicated on July 6, 2008 - Sunday 2:11 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Well it is confusing unless you went back and read the blogs I linked to. Pedro was catnapped by Jimmy and held for $2 ransom for a few months before escaping. :-)

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 7, 2008 - Monday 6:47 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


I came late to the whole story as you know. Great title for the book, call me stupid, but is that a clever reference to this popular song ..

Posted by Chilli on July 7, 2008 - Monday 3:29 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Funnily enough, no. I created that book cover months ago before I had ever heard that song.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 7, 2008 - Monday 3:32 PM
[Remove] [Reply to this]

Rhoda Whitehorse

You posted a blog on 5th July?
How did I manage to miss that?


*rushes to Amazon to make amends*

Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on July 9, 2008 - Wednesday 10:09 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]


Thanks Rhoda I need all the $$ I can get cause I'm going on vacation next week.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on July 9, 2008 - Wednesday 10:13 AM
[Remove] [Reply to this]