Who ya gonna call?
Local News from the WWof J:
I had a weird experience this morning and it is the 3rd weird experience I have had in the past 6 months. Today I was picking up some shoes that the cats knocked out of my closet. I threw a pair of heavier ones into the back of my closet, and one of them hit the back wall and made a loud THUD. Right after I threw it, I heard a voice right next to my right ear go "ssshhhhh".....I'm telling you I was FREAKING OUT. There was no one there. Lauren was asleep in her room with her door closed. I got dressed as fast as I could and got the hell outta there. Yesterday morning, I woke up and felt what I thought was an earthquake.....my floor was shaking and I looked at my lamp and saw the lampshade shaking also. I have heard no reports of an earthquake in the area, so I don't know if that was some supernatural phenomenon or what. A few months ago I saw a mist of smoke floating near the ceiling, although no one was smoking at the time, and nothing was cooking. It drifted quickly along the ceiling and then disappeared. James says he has seen this "mist" also. He is going to bring his recorder over and try to get an EVP. I hope he doesnt find anything scary or I will have to move the Feck out.
Here are some bizarre searches that led to my site, or Lookie at all the WEIRDOS on the net:
1. "making my husband become morbidly obese and immobile"—search.yahoo.com (this is a search that has been done repeatedly….)
2. He’s become morbidly obese and immobile – search.yahoo.com (Looks like she finally got her wish.)
3. who wants a morbidly obese immobile man –search.yahoo.com (And now she doesn’t want him anymore. *sigh*)
4. stupid ugly pics of ass –search.yahoo.com
5. i got sunburn 2 times- search.yahoo.com
6. "is my boyfriend gay" --search.yahoo.com
7. kelly clarkson bra size-- search.yahoo.com
8. big butt lady nudist colony photo-- search.yahoo.com
9. cute little gay kids --search.yahoo.com
10. pics of women's fat ass-- search.yahoo.com
11. pics of women who hate to wear bra --search.yahoo.com (that's me!)
13. women's subtle hints they are cheating --google.com
14. if kittens could fly --search.yahoo.com
15. mother "first bra" handcuffs --search.yahoo.com
16. mustard on penis --google.com (I like ketchup too)
17. evil sayings from happy bunny --google.com
18. boyfriends girlfriend sister --google.com
19. matt damon puppet pics –ca.search.yahoo.com
20. chinese movie woman husband testicles --google.com
21. pics of pikachu doing bad things --google.com
22. blowjob in the smoky mountains --broadband.zoomtown.com (what better place?)
24. wife leaves her husband wearing panties he stole at her friends for a spanking—search.yahoo.com
Fun Stuff Purloined Elsewhere:
A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport just after midnight. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he was willing to be a witness. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in the arms of another man. The husband pulled out a gun and held it to the naked man's head. His wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money. This man paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser and the yacht club membership. He paid for our cottage at the lake. He paid for our golf club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."
Little old lady goes to the doctor
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent.As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription.Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ...although still silent... stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."
A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago."