Thursday, June 30, 2005

Who ya gonna call?

Song for the Day: The Ghost in You- Psychedelic Furs

Local News from the WWof J:
I had a weird experience this morning and it is the 3rd weird experience I have had in the past 6 months. Today I was picking up some shoes that the cats knocked out of my closet. I threw a pair of heavier ones into the back of my closet, and one of them hit the back wall and made a loud THUD. Right after I threw it, I heard a voice right next to my right ear go "ssshhhhh".....I'm telling you I was FREAKING OUT. There was no one there. Lauren was asleep in her room with her door closed. I got dressed as fast as I could and got the hell outta there. Yesterday morning, I woke up and felt what I thought was an floor was shaking and I looked at my lamp and saw the lampshade shaking also. I have heard no reports of an earthquake in the area, so I don't know if that was some supernatural phenomenon or what. A few months ago I saw a mist of smoke floating near the ceiling, although no one was smoking at the time, and nothing was cooking. It drifted quickly along the ceiling and then disappeared. James says he has seen this "mist" also. He is going to bring his recorder over and try to get an EVP. I hope he doesnt find anything scary or I will have to move the Feck out.

Here are some bizarre searches that led to my site, or Lookie at all the WEIRDOS on the net:
1. "making my husband become morbidly obese and immobile"— (this is a search that has been done repeatedly….)
2. He’s become morbidly obese and immobile – (Looks like she finally got her wish.)
3. who wants a morbidly obese immobile man – (
And now she doesn’t want him anymore. *sigh*)
4. stupid ugly pics of ass –
5. i got sunburn 2 times-
6. "is my boyfriend gay"
7. kelly clarkson bra size--
8. big butt lady nudist colony photo--
9. cute little gay kids
10. pics of women's fat ass--
11. pics of women who hate to wear bra (that's me!)
12. photo of a nut in squirrels hands
13. women's subtle hints they are cheating
14. if kittens could fly
15. mother "first bra" handcuffs
16. mustard on penis (I like ketchup too)
17. evil sayings from happy bunny
18. boyfriends girlfriend sister
19. matt damon puppet pics –
20. chinese movie woman husband testicles
21. pics of pikachu doing bad things
22. blowjob in the smoky mountains (what better place?)
23. panty condom tip failure
24. wife leaves her husband wearing panties he stole at her friends for a spanking—

Fun Stuff Purloined Elsewhere:

Cheating Wife

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport just after midnight. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he was willing to be a witness. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in the arms of another man. The husband pulled out a gun and held it to the naked man's head. His wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited all that money. This man paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser and the yacht club membership. He paid for our cottage at the lake. He paid for our golf club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold."


Little old lady goes to the doctor

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it doesn't really bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent.As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office.You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Here's a prescription.Take these pills 3 times a day for seven days and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts ...although still silent... stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's start working on your hearing."


Tough Guy

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back off biker boy or you'll answer to me!"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple minutes ago."

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

everyone has aids, aids aids aids!!

Hidey Ho there people!

I borrowed this little game from junebugg. Here is the info:
Go to Google Images, look for images of the following, then post either the first image (or your favorite image) that pops up when you type in what you're searching for. Search for: Place you grew up. Place you live now. Your name. Your Grandmother’s name. Your favorite food. Your favorite drink. Your favorite song. Your favorite smell.

I live and work in Beaufort NC. Here's a pic of the dock on Front Street.

Some boats moored on Taylor's Creek in Beaufort.

Some lady with my name took this pic of a wolf.

My grandma's name was Sadie Ray. Apparently this woman had the same name.

Cheese enchilada....YUM

Fresh strawberries....YUM

Frozen Pina Colada....DOUBLE YUM.

Favorite smell: GAIN baby. OMG I could sniff it all day

Fave song- the Fishy Song....found this weird pic.

Song for the Day: Ain’t No Love- Aslyn

Fun Links of the Day:
Fitness club
Dough Boy

News from the WWofJ: Hmmm.. nothing much to report, oh yeah I did update my webpage yesterday, I finally got 'round to posting my wins for like the past 6 months, and a few other things that needed updating. Bout time, huh?

Fun stuff purloined elsewhere:


While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked,"What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
"I'm a rectumstretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge." she responded.

Traffic Ticket $95.00
Court Costs $45.00
Look on Cop's face.......... PRICELESS

99 Ways To Annoy Your Roommate

1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going now?"
4. Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for him/her to come home.then act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like they were here again."
5. Every time you see your roommate yell, "You jerk" and kick him/her in the stomach. Then immediately buy him/her some ice cream.
6. Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize, explain that you've been cold lately.
7. Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as you wake up. If your roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain that you've been having terrible nightmares.
8. Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and stockpile them in the closet. If your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you can't say anything more, or you'll have to face the consequences.
9. Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about his/her academic potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full report. Insist that he/she do the same.
10. "Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are in training. Eat a dozen donuts every night.
11. Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate you're going home. Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack everything and go to sleep.
12. Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Help! Where the hell am I?!?", then run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.
13. Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."
14. Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw and the napkin. Throw everything else away.
15. Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.
16. Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown pops out. Scream continuously for ten minutes.
17. Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate eats eggs, yell at him/her and call him/her a cannibal.
18. Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."
19. Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back and tries to unlock it, yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several hours. When you finally let your roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore your roommate.
20. Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them tours of the room and the building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her, and reply, "Oh, him/her? He/she won't be here much longer."
21. If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."
22. Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't know how they got there.
23. Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
24. Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"
25. Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your stuff back into the room and tell your roommate, "Okay, your turn."
26. Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the tarantula. If your roommate asks, say, "Oh, he's around here somewhere."
27. Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
28. Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the building. Award someone a trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she needs bowling shoes.
29. Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt yourself. Fake an injury and go through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.
30. While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
31. Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a prospective student in the near future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the pig and tell your roommate that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch T.V with the pig, eating lots of bacon.
32. Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where is my sandwich!?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.
33. Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about the lack of good shows.
34. Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour every day. Then, one day, when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the window, pretending to be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start standing in front of the window again.
35. Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just didn't belong."
36. Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to shave, and then spray some into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue this process for several weeks.
37. Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
38. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"
39. Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain that you were hot. Open and close the broken window as you normally would.
40. Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling your roommate that you hit the bull's eye.
41. Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the process for a few weeks.
42. Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so often. Increase the frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him "Clyde" all the time. If your roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry, Elmer. Repeat process with Elmer.
43. Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
where is 44??? hmmmm
45. Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and scream, "Owwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and then go to bed. Sob and sniff all night.
46. When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."
47. Every time your roommate comes in, turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and yell, "Okay, guys, you can come out now."
48. Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to do anything,tell him/her you are the ruler.
49. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Finally stand up & yell,"I Lost!"
50. Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."
51. Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a fine.
52. Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them. Play loud music. When your roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put away the stuffed animals, and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
53. Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone besides your roommate comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing was your roommate's idea. When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a monkey.
54. Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw some of your roommate's possessions out the window. Say that the toaster made you do it.
55. Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he refuses, claim that you have won by forfeit and therefore conquered his side of the room. Insist that he remove all of his possessions immediately.
56. Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide, etc.)
57. Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim that you are getting in touch with your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not having any Native-American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people and put a curse on your roommate. 58. Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly complain that your feet hurt.
59. If your roommate has a pet, offer to feed their pet for them. Start taking bottles of glue and white out from your desk before your roommate can answer.
60. Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about it, tell him/her that you traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.
61. Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with a hammer. Put a new bulb in the next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
. Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and then stopping. Play the tape in your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape, look at the screen and say, "Don't do that."
63. Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie inside it. Spend a week thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report that someone has released the genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
64. Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so. Then insist you need to show him/her the proper way & brush their teeth.
65. Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find one that looks like your roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done." 66. Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. ("Frank Johnson! Oh, wow! 753-4795! Holy cow!")
67. Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed. If your roommate asks what's wrong, explain that your shadow can't box with you anymore due to an injury. Ask your roommate if you can box with his/her shadow.
68. Ask your roommate about their medical plan. If they ask why you are asking just say, "Accidents happen." Make it obvious that you are trying to cover up your laughter.
69. Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.
70. Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your roommate if the watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop the watermelon out the window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your roommate at the funeral.
71. Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in, say, "Don't worry. It's not what you think." If he/she asks about it again, immediately change the subject.
72. Tell other people in your building that your roommate is goind to be "going on a trip" shortly. Don't tell them where or when. If people ask your roommate where he/she is going, cut in and say "Oh...that has been canceled."
73. Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "I'll get that pesky road runner...."
74. Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know what you did," and "Don't think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.
75. Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she protests, tell him/her that it's all for charity.
76. Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like to have a conversation.
77. Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate walk the plank if he/she doesn't swab the deck.
78. Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your roommate walks in, pretend to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper to them, "We'll continue this later," while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
79. Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.
80. Offer your roommate some of your most valuable possesions. If they ask about your generosity, say nothing but "I won't need it where I'm going." If they take anything wait a week and insist they give it back. If they want to know why say "I was left behind", and crawl into bed crying. 81. Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.
82. Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your... Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, and pout.
83. Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.
84. Tell your roommate that you "just want to be friends", and that you can no longer take their advances. Wait an hour and ask them to join you in the shower.
85. Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had good luck. Then, take the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see your roommate, look above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head, and mutter, "Stupid horseshoe...." 86. Buy frozen meals and leave them under a lamp on your desk. If your roommate warns you that the meals will go bad simply say, "I know what I'm doing." While your roommate is out empty the meal containers such that it looks like you've eaten them. When your roommate return pretend to be violently ill. Do this twice a week.
87. As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin singing famous operas as loud as you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and pretend to be confused.
88. Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to basketball games, and play them in front of your roommate. Do so for about a month. Confide in your roommate that you think the refrigerator is plotting against you.
89. Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much you love lemonade. Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about how much you hate lemonade.
90. Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old days, when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.
91. Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about half an hour. Come out looking dazed and act terrified of your roommate, keeping a good distance.
92. Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what they used to be."
93. Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there's going to be a murder in the room.
94. Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band-aid on your forehead, and refuse to discuss the gun ever again.
95. Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate you think the lobster has a marked deck.
96. Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
97. While you are ironing, pretend to burn yourself. Start a garbage can fire in the middle of the room. Toss the iron inside. If your roommate objects, explain that you are just trying to get even.
98. Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall.
99. Hide small containers of milk in your roommate's half of the room. After they begin to smell complain to your roommate about the odor. If your roommate finds them and claim that they aren't theirs, acknowledge that you put them there, but tell them "They were on your half of the room. You should be more responsible."

Another pic from where I live--- the wild ponies on Shackleford Banks.

Monday, June 20, 2005

No kitty, this is my pot pie!

Buttons' favorite pasttime. Lazy kitty!

Song for the Day: One Word- Kelly Osbourne

Fun Links of the Day:
Oh geez I thought this hairstyle was gone for good!
Pube shampoo.
Frequently Asked Question...
Very bad masturbation ideas.

Local News from the WWofJ:
Well I had a few small wins the past week. First of all I won two books, one from Torrid called "The Fat Girls Guide to Life" and the 2nd from Armageddon Books called "Beasts, Horns and the Antichrist". Seems more than a coincidence to me, what could this mean? Fat=EVIL?
I also won the Aslyn 'Lemon Love' cd which has been played nonstop since I got it. Alex won something Barbie related from Radio Disney, but they would not tell me which specific prize she won. The kittens are getting really fat and fluffy, they will be 8 weeks old on July 6 and so far I think we have owners for all but 2 kittens. My dad expressed interest, maybe I can drop those 2 off at his house and then run away real fast. Speaking of Dad, I thought I was being original getting him shorts for Father's Day but apparently everyone else had the same idea. I think he got like 10 pairs total.

Fun Stuff Purloined Elsewhere:

Forrest Gump in Heaven.
The day finally arrives; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are short, but you have to pass them before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St. Peter, sir.. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- how many days in the week begin with the letter "T?" Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow.
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but, you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer."
"How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?" "Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..."
Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter.
"OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song. "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS HE I'M HIS OWN......"
St. Peter opened the gate and said: "Run, Forrest, Run"

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
The woman replied, "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Back from the Big Apple

Well I got home Sunday night at 10:30 pm after a three day weekend in New York City. My daughter Lauren, my sis Rita and my nephew Jacob went with me. I won the airfare from an Orbitz instant win, and I won hotel accomodations from Hilton Hotels in an online sweepstakes. I took a few pics, which I am posting here today. Lauren has over 400 in her camera, but she is going to be staying with Rita for 2 weeks so I will be posting some of those later. Her pics are generally better than mine. Anyway, we arrived in New York at around 10 am Friday the airport I saw my first semi-celebrity as Joe Simpson, father of Jessica and Ashlee walked past us as we were making our way out of the airport. He looked tired and grumpy. We arrived at our hotel after a very long cab ride from JFK which cost us $50. The clerk at the hotel (Doubletree Times Square) gave me quite a scare as when I handed her my vouchers for two free nights stay at any Doubletree, she said I cannot accept these. I explained to her that when I made the reservations I was told to present them at check in and there would be no problems. She went into the back to contact the head office or something, meanwhile Rita and I were wondering how we would pay for this hotel if they would not honor the vouchers ($359 per night). Luckily she came back and say it was all ok and we got into our room, which was a suite with a king size bed and a pull out sofa. The hotel is right smack dab in the middle of Times Square, as you can see from the view from our room:

After a short period of rest we ventured out and took the subway to Central Park. Here are a few shots:

We took a carriage ride with a nice Irish fellow who showed us the locations of various movie scenes, from Serendipity, Home Alone 2, and Ghostbusters.

After our carriage ride we went to the Central Park zoo...where Lauren got a great video of a penguin shaking his butt. Alas my pics of penguins did not turn out so great. After walking all over Central Park and developing a blister on my heel, we hobbled over to the subway and managed to get back to our hotel where we all crashed and ordered room service. We also drank several $3.75 per can cokes out of our mini bar and Lauren pulled out a Toblerone candy bar only to discover it cost me $6.75, thank you for your purchase, indeed!
The next day we went on a tour with Grey Line which was called the Manhattan Comprehensive. It should be renamed "driving real fast by all the good stuff, with a crowded ferry ride out to Ellis Island where you spend an hour at the museum, followed by some more driving real fast by stuff and then some lunch"...we left early from the tour as we had the Lion King performance that night and we needed time to recuparate from all the walking...we weren't that keen on touring the UN building so we caught a cab back to our hotel at that point in the tour. Here are some pics from the tour:

This is the list of victims of 9/11.

Ground Zero.

After a substantial recuperation period we ventured out to do a bit of shopping before the Lion King. Macy's was disappointing, although the outside looks fantastic the inside of the store looked like a delapidated Belks. We left and headed to FAO Schwarz so I could pick something up for Alex.

Jacob, Lauren and Rita pose beside the giant teddy bear outside FAO Schwarz.

Lauren and Jacob pose next to the LIFESIZE STUFFED ELEPHANT that will set you back like $20,000.

At FAO Lauren purchased a monkey backpack, and I got Alex a teddy bear and a princess outfit, as modeled below:

After that we headed to McDonalds for a snack before the show, and we experienced our first NY thunderstorm which was scary and fun all at the same time. Then we headed to see the Lion King. We made our way to our seats which were balcony. Let me tell you, if you are large, tall, or normal sized DO NOT get balcony seating. My sister and I had NO Leg room whatsoever and I am only 5'6". I had indentions in my knees from where they were jammed into the seat in front of me. The show was excellent, especially the sets, which were breathtaking. The 2nd half was not quite as enthralling, or maybe it was because I was losing all feeling in the lower half of my body. After the show we managed to find our way back to our hotel where we ordered $98 worth of coke and cheesecake from room service.
Sunday we went to Olive Garden for brunch, which was the best food we had the whole time we were in NY. After that we walked around Times Square and went into a few shops. I got James an NYPD t-shirt and Lauren got a bunch of crap. They were having a HUGE parade on 5th avenue, for Puerto Rican day, which had blocked traffic all day, so we got our taxi early for the airport which was pointless as we ended up sitting in the airport for HOURS. They had oversold our flight and they kept offering money for 5 people to take a later flight. Since I had to drive 3 hours from the airport home, and I had to work the next day, I did not take them up on their offer. At one point they herded us up and put us on a bus to a different terminal. It was so screwed up. At least it was free. Our flight ended up departing about 45 minutes later than it was supposed to but we got to Raleigh at 7pm. We had a great time, and I wish we could have stayed longer and done more. We found most New Yorkers to be quite friendly which is in sharp contrast to my encounters on my previous trip to NY 20 years ago. I didn't see as many homeless people on the streets either, or perhaps I was in a better part of town. Anyway, I would love to go back...although Lauren says next year she wants to go to London.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

No longer a meme virgin.

Silk has tagged me. :O Silk I don't know if this worked at cheering me up, it kinda bummed me out LOL.

Five Things I Miss From Childhood:
1. My mom of course. She passed away in 1999 and not a day goes by that I don't miss her and wish I had spent more time with her while she was alive.
2. Not having to feel guilty about what I eat. I ate whatever I wanted and it was all good. I was neither fat nor thin but somewhere in between and no one cared about 'carbs' and 'fat' grams.
3. Summer vacation. I work year round. There is no 3 months of sleeping in, going to the beach and just relaxing. It's all the same. :(
4. Having tons of girlfriends to do stuff with. Everyone has moved away. My closest friends nowadays are email pals I have never even met.
5. Optimistically fantasizing about my future. I used to think I would be famous, beautiful, rich, clever and worshipped by millions. Well that is shot all to hell ain't it.

The rules:
Remove the #1 item from the following list, bump everyone up one place and add your blog's name in the #5 spot. You need to link to actually link to each of the blogs for the link-whorage aspect of this fiendish meme to kick in.

Villainous Company
Pirate's Cove
Fistful Of Fortnights
Just Breathe
le paradis de jules

I have no idea who to pass this onto but hey I did my part. See ya after the Big Apple trip is over!!

Monday, June 06, 2005

Sniffle sniffle cough cough

I feel like crap. Alex gave me her cold. :( Hopefully I will improve by Thursday, as we are leaving Thursday night for our lil trip to New York City. I probably won't post until I get back as I have lots of stuff to do and I feel like shit. I do have one movie recommendation for you: The Station Agent. Its a little independent movie that my sis recommended to me on Netflix, to put it in a nutshell it's about three loners (one is height-impaired) who find each other and become friends. I really liked it. Watch it, then talk amongst yourselves while I am gone.