Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Spinning in Infinity

Well not only did I have to miss HOUSE last night (see previous post), I was forced to listen to RECAPS of all the American Idols singing (poorly) Stevie Wonder songs *sigh* on the local radio station on my way to work. THE TORTURE!!! MAKE IT STOP!!!! Seriously has anyone who won this show had any level of success besides Kelly Clarkson (good GAWD check this out).The only part of the show that I find remotely entertaining are Simon's crude remarks. Why don't they play recaps of those instead of making me listen to karaoke Stevie Wonder songs? ARGH!

NEWS FLASH: I have been mentioned by the infamous
STEVE at Llamabutchers, *shock*..*gasp*... *blush*. Sometimes I forget that this here thing is public, seems like only my friend(s) and enemies are the ones readin' it most of the time :P Anyway, I thank Steve for his shout-out even though he says I am full of sass and crass but no class
(you forgot to mention my delicious bass) shucks, Steve, that's the sweetest thing a man has said to me in ages. What can I say I am a southern gal who likes to cuss. Cussin' is fun. Especially while driving. I tend to cuss more while driving than at any other time. There are just so many things to cuss ABOUT. Slow people, old people, pedestrians, animals, teenagers, rednecks, dumbasses.....I could go on and on. There should be an intelligence test involved with the drivers licensing process. But I digress.....I tend to do that as well. Digression is fun. uh huh. yup.

Well since I have been boring you kind folks with my ranting and ravin' lately and no funny stuff, I figured I better find somethin' funny before I lose the 3 faithful readers who visit here daily hoping for something entertaining. I hate to disappoint those folks, so here ya go:

News Story of the Day: Some old folks are going to mighty happy.

The 7 degrees of blondness:

1st Degree:

A married couple was asleep when the telephone rang at two in the morning.

The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the telephone, listened a moment, and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?"

The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear'."

2nd Degree:

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

She hands it to the second blonde.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

3rd Degree:

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door, she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!"

The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

4th Degree:

A blonde brags about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them."

A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"

The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy -- 'W'."

5th Degree:

What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

"Is it mine?"

6th Degree:

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.

"Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"

"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.

"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."

"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."

7th Degree:

Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"