Along with 75 cents and a few remotes. Apparently he became wedged there when the furniture was being re-arranged one day. Upon his release Jesus quickly blessed the house and ran out the door.

Song for the Day: And She Was- Talking Heads

I had been suffering from a slight case of stiff neck on my right side for like 2 weeks, so yesterday I prayed that it would finally go away. TA-DA today I woke up and my right side is fine but now the LEFT side of my neck is hurting BAD and I can barely look to my left at all. God, you are NOT funny.

Last night I spent about 30 minutes reading some lame-o story about Kim Possible to my lil pooh-bear (which she begged to hear) before I realized she had passed out. I put the book away but now I find myself wondering how it ended. Kim had taken a personality test and found out she was a 'blue fox' and she was scouring the school to find out her soul mate match. I will have to finish it tonight and let you all know how it turned out. :P No matter how stupid a book or movie is, I hate not knowing the ending. I think Harry was right when he said he always read the endings of books first, in case he died before he finished them (When Harry Met Sally). Sounds like a good idea to me. Although it would be rather difficult to apply this practice to movies. I got a funny email today about Dr. Phil. He says that in order to achieve inner peace, one must finish everything that they have started. The email went on to say that the person had took his advice. They finished a bottle of merlot, a bottle of rum, a valium prescription, and all the chocolates in the house and they did, in fact, feel very peaceful. (insert laugh track here ba-da-boom) If you were to take Dr. Phil's advice seriously, however, would you ever really achieve peace? I mean, wouldn't there always be something left unfinished? Life is what happens when you are busy making plans to finish all the shit you started. I say let's all smoke a joint and eat some pizza.

Well I am just plain mentally exhausted from contemplating the reason Paris Hilton's sidekick was hacked and whether or not sweet lil' Jessica Simpson is doing blow. And if someone offers to show you pics of Fred Durst's penis, just say no. (unless you have a wee one and want to feel better about yourself.) Celebrities are fun to make fun of. Hence a few of my fave blogs (martinis persistence & a smile, and conversations about famous people) are celebrity trash-fests. For some twisted reason it makes me feel better about myself to see so many f***ed up celebs out there dressing badly. And most of them dress very badly indeed. It makes one wonder what their self-image is like, are they doing this intentionally? Or do they just think they can get away with it? Maybe they have 'special' mirrors in LA that make everyone look FAB no matter what. I want one!! Can they be purchased online via paypal?

I have had some surreal experiences in my life, I remember one in
particular I had while visiting London. My niece and I were attending an authentic "Elizabethan Banquet" in an English castle. The evening started out ok, although I was dubious that salmon mousse was actually served in medieval times, and personally I can't eat frothy fish pudding (don't get me wrong, I love seafood but fish should be grilled or coated in flour and fried up nice, not whipped up til smooth and creamy). I got drunk on mead, which was quite sweet stuff. But the evening took a sharp dive into tourist hell when the hosts asked us to stand up, grab the person in front of us and do the Conga. I politely refused, more out of shame and humiliation than anything else. But the real friendly 60 yr old guy beside me would not let it go, "Dont be afraid, I don't have cooties" until I reluctantly agreed to place my hands on his white, green and red plaid polyester golf pants and join the stupid line. Stupid tourist sh*t! GARRR! Authentic Elizabethan Banquet, my ass. The best thing there was a guy in a jester outfit juggling and eating fire. I could have seen a more authentic show at Medieval Times in Myrtle Beach. Let's go.