Monday, March 14, 2005

"I've got new socks on!"

pms warning system
fun with a rubber band
make fun words out of your phone number well mine made nothing fun.
Serial Killer or Computer Geek? Can you tell the difference?

Fun Quotes:

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather-who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers on his bus."
--Author Unknown
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children." Amen.
--Author Unknown
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
--Drew Carey
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, the day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." Right on!
--Bob Ettinger
"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

Now You Know Everything!
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for bloodplasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.(Since Venus is normally associated with women what does this tell you!?)
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first "Marlboro Man."
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6)feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal."The second? William Jefferson Clinton (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!?!!)
And the best for last...Turtles can breathe through their butts.

10 Things to Do on an Elevator
1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
6. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
7. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
8. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
9. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
10. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
I'm going to try these on my NY trip. hehe.

In other news, I have discovered my ex is a commitmentphobe who displays nearly every classic textbook symptom. Lucky for me, there are lots of women who have been put through the same ringer I was, and I have made a new friend! One poor woman was with a guy 7 years and they broke up 15 times. And I thought I was a dumbass. My dad called today and though he has only met the fool 10 times at most, proclaimed him a nice feller. Umm. Ok you can date him! *rolls eyes*
I had a nice compliment today from another friend who told me she loved my stories so much that I really should consider writing a novel. I am seriously considering it. It would be semi-autobiographical and humorous of course. Names would be changed to protect the guilty. I will keep you posted.