Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Gay Boyfriends, Balls & Nut-Cracking Squirrels

Song for the Day: Le Freak (FREAK OUT) by Chic

Amusing search that led to my blog:
"is my boyfriend gay if he puts his finger in my rectum?" at

Fun Links of the Day:
Gay Boyfriend Song (found thanks to the above search)
Note: They had this much money to spend on the video, why the hell didn’t they take some singing lessons

Couldn’t they just use computer animation? Geez

Ball that started it all- sounds like one of my days

Local news from the Wicked World of Jules:

I was just cussed out for being 3 minutes late to work.
I only had 6 hours of sleep last night (I require 8-9 for full mental & motor skill capabilities to function properly).
My four year old princess just spilled a large glass of water all over a $400 portable widescreen dvd player. Ok I didn’t pay for it, it was a win, but STILL.
My eldest daughter has track meets in other counties every night this week which require me to pick her up at the school at like 10pm, thus interrupting my nightly schedule of bubble bath, blog-perusing and being a bed-potato.
I need a vacation.

Funny stuff I stole off the net

Fits like a Glove
A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend's birthday. As they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: personal, but not too personal. Accompanied by the girlfriend's younger sister, he went to Dillards and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got the panties. The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.
All my love.
PS: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

bar test
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her."

The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.
"Now" he says
"Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

businessman in a bar
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."

The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."