Thursday, April 07, 2005

God Save My Credit Card from

On weekends James liked to dress up in his giant penguin costume and lecture about the pleasures of forbidden gay penguin love. Posted by Hello

Song for the Day: Choppin’ Broccoli- Dana Carvey

Fun Links of the Day:

Crazy Mosh Pit Dancing Girl

Mail Order Husbands There are some real lookers on here!

Local News from the Wicked World of Jules:
It was a sunny, gorgeous day in Beaufort yesterday, with the temperature nearly 80 degrees. I had my little princess with me and we decided to put the top down on the mustang and cruise down Front Street. It was so nice. When we got back to the office, Alex said,
“Mommy you have a cool car.”

I have always thought that the way a person tips is a good judge of character. I myself always tip at least 20%, unless the service is really bad. If it is really bad in a local restaurant I still tip 10-15% because I know I will be coming back there at some time in the near future and I don't want there to be repercussions. Its different when I am on vacation, like the time we went to the Smoky Mountains and stopped in a rustic steak joint. The waitress was taking our drink orders, and when I said I wanted a coke, she looked me up and down and said snottily "Honey would'nt you rather have a diet coke?" I assure you that fucking bitch got NO tip.

I had a shopping spree at the other night, I confess I am addicted to that place. A few items I cannot live without (some of which can be purchased at Rosebud Salve; Clarins Hydra-Matte Lotion (great for oily skin); Astara Blue Flame Purification Mask (fantastic stuff, there); Estee Lauder Fast Tan (a must for us fair-skinned souls who can't tan); Village Naturals Bath Salts & Bath Bubbles (at Walmart); Basis Cleanser; Naturally Upper Canada Peppermint Foot Spray; Strivectin Eye Cream (jury still out on this one, but I did get a compliment the other day from a lady who swore I wasn't over 30); and Clairol Ultress in auburn. I am high maintenance, what can I say?

Warning: TMI alert:
I am beginning to think my mom was right about a few things. No matter what was wrong with me, if it was a sore toe, a painful toothache, backache, headache, etc...When I would tell her my symptoms, she always said "Have you had a good BM lately?" I felt bad yesterday, lethargic, bloated, just plain not myself. Well Mom, I had a real good one last night (thanks to a few cups of strong coffee) and I feel TONS better today. Thanks for your wisdom:) I think I lost a few pounds also.

Note to Men from Jules:
1. If you can't find something in the fridge, before you yell at your wife/gf try looking behind the other items.
2. Dishes do not have to soak for 2 days, I don't care wtf is on them.
3. "Take out the trash" means emptying the trash can, hauling the bag off, and replacing with another bag. No ifs, ands or buts.

Fun Stuff I Stole off the 'net:

Blow Job
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him,and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,"You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"

She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said,"Irving, remember that blow job I promised you?
Here it comes..."

Cough syrup
The owner of this drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall. The owner asks the clerk: What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk responds: "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."The owner, wide-eyed and excited shouts: "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with a bottle of laxatives!" The clerk calmly responds: "Of course you can! Look at him; he's afraid to cough!"

Little Johnny
Little Johnny's neighbors had a new baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother brought the new baby home from the hospital, Little Johnny's family was invited over to see him.Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word, "ears", he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely. When Little Johnny looked into the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Little Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" asked Little Johnny. "Yes," the mother replied, "we are so thankful. The doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.""That's great", said Little Johnny, "cuz he'd be shit outta luck if he needed glasses."