Monday, June 20, 2005

No kitty, this is my pot pie!

Buttons' favorite pasttime. Lazy kitty!

Song for the Day: One Word- Kelly Osbourne

Fun Links of the Day:
Oh geez I thought this hairstyle was gone for good!
Pube shampoo.
Frequently Asked Question...
Very bad masturbation ideas.

Local News from the WWofJ:
Well I had a few small wins the past week. First of all I won two books, one from Torrid called "The Fat Girls Guide to Life" and the 2nd from Armageddon Books called "Beasts, Horns and the Antichrist". Seems more than a coincidence to me, what could this mean? Fat=EVIL?
I also won the Aslyn 'Lemon Love' cd which has been played nonstop since I got it. Alex won something Barbie related from Radio Disney, but they would not tell me which specific prize she won. The kittens are getting really fat and fluffy, they will be 8 weeks old on July 6 and so far I think we have owners for all but 2 kittens. My dad expressed interest, maybe I can drop those 2 off at his house and then run away real fast. Speaking of Dad, I thought I was being original getting him shorts for Father's Day but apparently everyone else had the same idea. I think he got like 10 pairs total.

Fun Stuff Purloined Elsewhere:

Forrest Gump in Heaven.
The day finally arrives; Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper.
St. Peter says, "Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are short, but you have to pass them before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It shor is good to be here St. Peter, sir.. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forrest says, "Well, the first one -- how many days in the week begin with the letter "T?" Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow.
The Saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims, "Forrest, that's not what I was thinking, but, you do have a point though, and I guess I didn't specify, so I'll give you credit for that answer."
"How about the next one?" asks St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?" "Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forest says "Shucks, there gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..."
Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind, but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let's go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure" Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter.
"OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name of Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song. "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS HE I'M HIS OWN......"
St. Peter opened the gate and said: "Run, Forrest, Run"

A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"
The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."
The woman replied, "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."