Tuesday, May 24, 2005

there is cheese in that thar fridge...

hanging out....on the couch....same ol thing...i did last week...not a thing to do....but expose myself to you....WHOA YEAH! Hello Wisconsin!

Song for the Day: Shark Attack from The Life Aquatic

Fun Links of the Day:
Yet another reason to move to Germany. The other is the cuisine, of course.
Star Wars Rap

Local News from the WWoJ:
Well we went Saturday to see Revenge of the Sith. All I can say is, WOW. I loved it. Yoda kicked butt, and R2 rules. I especially enjoyed the last 30 minutes of the movie which tied up all the loose ends. It was awesome. In fact we might go see it again this coming weekend. First I have to take Alex to see Madagascar which opens on Fri night. Speaking of Madagascar, kudos to James who won a stuffed penguin from the movie on his first try in the claw machine at Hell-Mart!
We also watched quite a few Netflix movies, White Noise=complete crap; The Life Aquatic- quirky and enjoyable, mostly due to Bill Murray; In Good Company- who cares about the plot I just want to watch Topher Grace. And I am sorry but no girl in their right mind would dump him to concentrate on school. PUH-LEASE! Today in the mail I received The Aviator and Team America so I will give my 2cents on those later this week.
My nephew was injured Saturday when he fell through the roof of a metal building that he was renting from me. He broke both of his wrists, and he is having surgery on them today. I hope everything goes well.
I took Alex to the hospital Monday to get her xrays (her pediatrician wanted to check her kidneys)...well turns out they did a sonogram and she did NOT like that jelly goop they pour on you (I don't blame her) she did ok for the first half but when the technician turned her over to do the other side, she FLIPPED out. After 10 minutes of screaming I finally calmed her down by saying I would take her to the gift shop and buy her the stuffed Garfield. She dried those tears immediately. Unfortunately, after I got home I had a message from the hospital, apparently there was another xray she was supposed to have had while we were there, so now I have to repeat the process on Wednesday morning. God Help me.

Fun Stuff Purloined Elsewhere:


Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies, "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan." _________________________________
The investigation of Martha Stewart continues. Her recipe for chicken casserole is quite efficient. First you boil the chicken in water. And then you dump the stock.
This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell." __________________________________
A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS!" ____________________________________
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one." _________________________
Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole!" afterwards.


Snoring cure

A woman has a dog who snores in his sleep. She goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring. A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual. She goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon, ties it around the dog's testicles, and sure enough the dog stops snoring. Thewoman is amazed.Later that night her husband comes home drunk after being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. She goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly it also works on him. The woman sleeps very soundly. The next morning the husband wakes up very hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom to do his business, and as he stands in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his scrotum. He is very confused. He walks back into the bedroom and sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's scrotum. He looks at the dog and says, "Rex old fella, I don't remember what the hell happened last night, but wherever we were, we took first and second place.


Caught Cheating

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"
The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."