Buttmuffin Strikes Back Part 1
Current mood: freaky
Jules sits at her desk
and signs into myspace.....
walks in jingling the change in his pocket loudly, and tells her to print out all jobs from 1993 to present, file everything on her desk, pay all the subcontractors, and try to be nice to people who call.
Lauren texts: "Moooommmmmm I need some Monnneyyyyy...I want to go buy some really old crap and BTW the dogs have pooped in the hallway and Boots has diarrhea..."
texts: "Pick me up from school NOW, I hate this frickin place!"
"What day is it?"
"Oh sorry, I meant what month?"
*jules rolls eyes*
Buttons lies on jules' bed licking himself.
Jules sighs....life is not going so well for her at the moment...
has been missing for so long that he has been declared legally dead, and Jimmy
adopted Byron Jr and Matthew Jr. He now has full custody of the triplets.
He felt jules' myspace addiction was causing her to neglect the children and apparently a judge felt the same. She sees them once a month, but has still not made eye contact with Jimmy. He lives in a boarded-up house
that appears abandoned, thereby completing his fantasy of living like a hermit. He won some money in the lottery, and quit his job. Someone delivers food to him once a week through a hole in the door.
Jules is just about to start posting comments about how great Mondays are
when she gets a phone call from her best friend, Belladonna.
"Hey sweetie! How are you doing?"
"Not so good, Donna...I am just so miserable!"
"Awwww you sound so pookie!! I know that feeling, but I think I have just the cure for us....a trip!!"
"Are we going to England???"
"JULES!" she says sternly, "What did we learn in 2008?"
Jules sighs again.
"I will sing you to sleep with Beatles songs every night, luv"
"Oooh errr missus what's this in me trousers, an uncircumcised penis?"
"Yes, sorry Donna I was having a moment"
"Tell your boss you need a couple of weeks off, we're going on a road trip!"
Jules hangs up the phone and begins making arrangements.
Over in England, it has been raining for 796 days straight.
is still loved-up with Angus,
but she longs for a bit of mischief. She's trying to be good and has taken to calling herself RHODAWOMAN and wearing a cape. However, no matter how hard she tries to become a wholesome crime-fighting hero, she is always on the brink of doing something completely nasty.
can't seem to stop writing poems about doughnuts
and finding true love. He attended a 12 step program to try to stop writing poems...but he was kicked out on the first day when he stood up to introduce himself and said, "My name is Neale, I'll make you squeal, my doughnuts are soft... won't you have a feel?"
has purchased a very large handbag. This is not as insignificant as it may sound.
is just being Chilli...which is freakin awesome, of course.
Jason AKA Phil is normal by day, but at night he likes to prance around in women's undergarments.
Luckily he lives in England and this is not all that unusual. He is seeing a speech therapist twice a week to learn how to pronounce H's.
and over in Norway,
Elin is watching the ice melt and the penguins mate and wondering what Jules and Donna are up to. (She is playing herself as we could not find an actress atttractive enough to portray her.)
Meanwhile, back in America, Ric
has arrived in Beaufort. He rents a car and drives to Jules' workplace....on the passenger seat next to him lies the oddly shaped box....