Doug has too much time on his hands.

1) Something you might find under the seat of a car:
vibrator

2) Excuse someone might give to get out of work:
Explosive diarrhea

3) A reason a couple would want to get married:
for tax purposes
or to please their illegitimate children

4) Something you would find in a bathroom:
bag of sex toys

5) A phrase with the word "show" in it:
Show me your penis

6) Something you would buy in a hurry?
lubricant

7) Another word for sex:
hot pork injection

8) Something a person would prefer to have hot:
french fries
Don't you wish your french fries were hot like me?

9) A reason a person might break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend:
inability to hold an erection on the high holy days

10) Something you have to sit down to do:
have a lap dance

11) Why an older woman would prefer a younger man:
old dogs won't learn new tricks

12) A reason you would wear a helmet:
sex with Jimmy, apparently. I wouldn't know.



13) A reason a person would use a computer:
because they are hideous and must hide

14) A reason a person would go to a doctor:
to get prescription meds

15) Something you would find at a bar:
an Irishman

16) What a woman might buy before a date:
beer and condoms

17) Something that requires batteries:
Roger