My Obituary

Donna's blog about the mysteries of life and what happens after life is over, reminded me of the time I wrote my own obituary. Yes I keep myself busy at work. I wrote this a few years back.... if anyone would like to post their own obits in the comments, I'd enjoy it. As long as it does not reference Jimmy's penis in any way, shape or form.

Obituary for Julie Anne Buttmuffin, born February 19, 1968…died _________.

Julie died this past _____ as a result of a freak accident during the 23^rd annual kitten juggling competition in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Julie was a unique person with fiery red hair and a zest for life and a joy of travel that was hindered only by her irrational fears of feathers, fuzzy caterpillars, and men wearing plaid. She will be remembered for her love of animals, her sarcastic, witty and irreverent sense of humor, and her insane revised versions of popular songs. Although most people did not know it, Julie was a selfless supporter of UFTU who spent countless hours knitting undergarments for the underprivileged, and she also enjoyed staging and performing Spanish versions of Bruce Willis movies in the local puppet theatre for the blind. She loved entering and winning sweepstakes, squeezing her beloved pets, inflating her long-term boyfriend, Roger, and sleeping for extended periods. Julie is survived by her two daughters, Lauren Aquabebe and Alexandra Pooh-Bear who have long been plotting various trivial ways to spend their inheritance. Those wanting to pay tribute to "jules" may do so by singing loudly in crowded elevators, squeezing a pet, eating a banana, or making a contribution of yarn to Undergarments for the Underprivileged, preferably cotton. After a brief memorial service in Julie's bathroom, where she spent her most treasured moments, Lauren and Alex will be taking a cruise to Paradise Island, Bahamas, to throw their mother's ashes off the side of the boat and drink frozen mixed beverages to their heart's content, courtesy of mom. If anyone has any problem with this obituary, I suggest you get over it cause life is short.

myspace comments:

Jason AKA Phil

you certainly know how to cheer someone up with your blog heading, then nock them back down once they read what its really about... lmao don't know what kind of obit i would write, i would probably have to pay people to come to my funeral...lol Just as long as i outlive my childrens mothers, then i would be a happy man.... Posted by Jason AKA Phil on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:09 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh sorry. Don't worry, I'm sure you will outlive me, as only the good die young. I thought for sure you'd write about some freak accident involving jimmy's penis, since I specifically told you not to. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:16 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Jason AKA Phil	i am not the one fixated about jimmys penis.... right initial wrong name...lol Posted by Jason AKA Phil on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:26 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Perhaps you could have a raffle, instead of paying people. Everyone gets a ticket and at the end of the service, Tina could draw the lucky number, and the winner could get to be the one who turns on the switch in the crematorium. I bet that will draw in a few. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:18 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	I think Id like to try to change your oblituary by inviting you on a trip to Scotland with me where I can help you get over your fear of MEN WEARING PLAID. You obviously havent met the right ones. We need some aversion therapy here. Once you see their strong thighs and burly manly ways... and the swing of their kilts when the wind blows, you will be hooked like me. *Rhoda leaves in a sweat to pleasure herself whilst listening to a recording of Scotland the Brave* Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:26 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Jules, you must not know this song! ;) A Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair And one could tell by how he walked he'd drunk more than his share He staggered on until he could no longer keep his feet Then stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street. chorus: Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street. Later on two young and lovely girls just happened by, And one says to the other with a twinkle in her eye You see yon sleeping Scotsman who is young and handsome built I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt. Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath their kilt. They crept up to the sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be Then lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt Was nothing but what God had graced him with upon his birth Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o There was nothing there but what God gave upon his birth They marveled for a moment then one said we'd best be gone But let's leave a present for our friend before we move along They took a blue silk ribbon and they tied it in a bow Around the bonnie spar that the Scot's lifted kilt did show Ring ding diddle diddle i de o Ring di diddle i o Around the bonnie spar that the Scot's lifted kilt did show The Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled toward a tree Behind a bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees Then in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes He said, 'Lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize!' Posted by Belladonna on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 3:11 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	apparently you haven't seen this photo then Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:33 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tina Beana	Love this photo, makes me want you even more LMNGAO !!!!!!!!!! Posted by Tina Beana on April 21, 2008 - Monday at 11:47 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Jason AKA Phil	copyright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you can't afford to post this.... Posted by Jason AKA Phil on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:50 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	nice bow tie, jason. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:54 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Jason AKA Phil	if i introduced you to the scottish chap at my work, it would put u off them for life... Posted by Jason AKA Phil on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:32 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Jason AKA Phil	my dad says just put him in cardboard box and throw him on the bonfire, as he says he won't feel it... Posted by Jason AKA Phil on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 2:25 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	hermann the happy penguin	Hello everyone! Rhoda! Do we still have a deal reg Kilt Night? Perhaps that could convince dear Buttmuffin? Posted by hermann the happy penguin on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 3:45 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	Hermie and I are kilt loving gals. Many a night we have spent adoring the kilt clad boys... och aye. Yes... lets have scottish night at the hotel. I will set up the McDougal suite for a big bash... haggis and neeps and tatties and the lot. Maddog Mitchel can come and toss the caber for us. Och aye. Jules wont stand a chance once she witnesses the sword dancing and the swinging of the kilts.... Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 5:42 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Its going to take a lot of convincing, after that photo of Jason above. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 4:47 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chilli	I don't believe you'll ever die, when the grim reaper finally comes knocking, you'll probably scare him shitless ! Not sure about an obit', but my tombstone will read : "I told you I was ill" Posted by Chilli on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 4:07 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Geez am I that ugly? lmao @ ur obit Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 4:47 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chilli	You know damn well what I meant. You've got more sass than Sass Sassy McSassiness and old grim just won't be able to handle you :) Posted by Chilli on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 5:00 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	MOI? *bats eyelashes* Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 5:02 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	andrea	haha. this really cracked me up. i love you. you are so freakin halarious! Posted by andrea on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 7:15 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Well don't forget its here so when I croak, you can copy it to the News Times. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 10:10 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tracy	Ever performed any 'Moonlighting' episodes? Posted by Tracy on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 9:51 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Not yet but its on my to-do list. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 10:01 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tracy	You are one in a million, that's for sure. I love your matter-of-factly, funky wit! So sharp! Posted by Tracy on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 10:08 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	If you were only a man, I'd marry you. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 18, 2008 - Friday at 10:09 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Baz	Bazjello May 27 1961 to xxxxxxx She came , she saw , she conquered She Rock and Rolled, she Escargoted Party on Garth Posted by Baz on April 19, 2008 - Saturday at 12:30 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	haha!! luv it Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 19, 2008 - Saturday at 5:26 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	jimmy	Jimmy Wilson, age so and so, died this week during a bizarre accident that took the lives of two people and an animal. He was struck by a kitten that went off course during a juggling competition. They both died instantly. He will be buried in his favorite plaid 'Goodbye Kitty' outfit. Jimmy will be buried in a blue velvet sweat suit, his hair adorned with dandelions. He lived his life the way he wanted to, catless. Other than that his life was one big disappointment after another. Never won the lottery. Nobody would buy his screenplays, especially the third that he never wrote. Neighbors wouldn't lend him a cup of sugar, so his puddings never tasted quite right. Jimmy leaves behind his 'children' : his entire Seinfeld series, and every season of The Simpsons that was currently available. Season 9 of The Simpsons in particular amused him to no end. Well obviously, except to this end. In lieu of donations, please hold constant seances in hopes of reaching him. He hopes to answer some questions that some of you may have about the afterlife. He would also like to comment on his penis from time to time. Posted by jimmy on April 20, 2008 - Sunday at 10:50 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

♥buttmuffin♥

ROFLMFNGAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Awww I'm glad we both died at the same time, so you wouldn't miss me and all. :P Sorry for killing you. Hair adorned with dandelions? Hmmm if you're bald then where will these dandelions be adorning?? :O You can be sure if you go first, that me and Donna will be trying our best to contact you for answers. I was gonna call you at work yesterday during the lunchtime church crowd and scream BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY CLITORIS! But my sis and Lauren were with me all the time so I couldn't. :( Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 21, 2008 - Monday at 7:50 AM [Remove] [Reply to this] Donna I went to a couple of those death sites where they say they'll predict when you'll die after you answer a bunch of questions. I can't remember exactly when it was, but one said my mid-90s, and the other said early 100s, so I'm thinking they've jinxed me for sure. Donna Leigh Brumback R***** M***** N***** (OMG, How many times is this girl going to keep getting married? Doesn't she realize she's either no good at it, or she's picking the wrong men???) died today at the age of 101 while laughing hysterically at her friend, Jules. It's how she would have wanted to go, but Jules was a little freaked out by it. Posted by BellaDonna on April 22, 2008 - Tuesday 8:45 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] ♥buttmuffin♥ Nice. Ya know, I've never understood why women keep their ex husbands names on there...I thought once the divorce and re-marriage you could toss the old last name? I went and got my name legally changed back to my maiden name, even though my old last name was soooo much easier to sign (Day). But then again, I've only been married once, I'm no expert like you. :) Oh and the death predictor sites? Yeah....I don't need to wear shades cause my future ain't very bright, or very long for that matter. :P Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 23, 2008 - Wednesday 4:17 AM [Remove] [Reply to this] BellaDonna No, those last names are long gone! Just being funny. Wish the exes were as easily forgotten. Posted by BellaDonna on April 23, 2008 - Wednesday 10:03 AM [Remove] [Reply to this] ⒺⓋⒶⓃ Gee.. I can't wait until I see this in The Gam.. Sorry I read some of you blog stuff, I just couldn't keep myself from clicking on the purple toilet. I laughed so much.. Psst you may be funnier than Lauren. I almost peed myself reading about lauren singing the "I'm an asshole" song, and that being her first word and all. I also remember Lauren's unusual strength, she could do the most pull-ups back in Tiller -she scared a lot of people, and when I was in second grade she grabbed my arm, swung me around- with no time to react, she let go and i fell in the sand box and knocked one of my front teeth out. OUCH. Anyway.. LMAO. Posted by ⒺⓋⒶⓃ on November 15, 2008 - Saturday 11:33 PM [Remove] [Reply to this] ♥buttmuffin♥ You can't wait?? Ummm I CAN!! I hope its not anytime soon!! Where do you think Lauren gets it from ?? LOLOL thanks... and OMG! You're lucky she didn't break your arm! Shes a freak! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on November 16, 2008 - Sunday 7:23 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]