ghosts

ghosts of the past lurk in the shadows
footsteps growing ever nearer

curtains closing
cold air surrounds

clomp clomp clomp

candle extinguished
darkness beckons

clomp clomp clomp

my heart beating fast
i try to run
but cannot

the fear encompasses my soul

deep abyss of pain
from which i escaped so many months ago
calling me back
luring me with its sweet siren call

i teeter on the edge
my legs immobile
heart beating
breath heavy
a mist in the cold stark air

clomp clomp clomp

if i dive into nothingness
will you be there to catch me?


myspace comments:

buttmuffin♥

This was inspired by a few things. First, a dream I had last night that I was in a house that was haunted. It was dark, and I could hear footsteps around me but could see nothing. The air grew colder and as I looked at the window, I saw the curtains closing, though no one was near. It was quite terrifying. Second, I have been feeling a bit melancholy as of late (happens from time to time) and whenever the least bit of sadness invades my usually sunny self, I get extremely paranoid that I will fall into a deep depression. Don't worry, I'm sure it will soon pass. Lastly, my site was visited today by an ex bf who stopped in to read my blogs. He has a way of luring me into his web of lies, and I can only hope that I am so far past it now that my heart is safe and secure from his charms, should he aim them in my direction. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:29 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	jimmy	NEVER, under any circumstance, answer the call of the siren. It's usually some scam, or they wanna sell you something, or lure you to your death. Or it could just be an ambulance. I suggest you just ignore them. And I agree with what Donna said bc it sounds very smart. Posted by jimmy on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 11:04 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh yes telemarketers...I'd rather fall to my death than deal with them. Funny someone kept calling my office today, both lines would ring at the same time, both would say private number and when I'd answer, there was no one there. It happened like 5 times. WTF? How is that possible. Weird day all 'round. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 11:07 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	JUles you have obviously stumbled upon the East wing of my hotel. I got stuck there yesterday and I swear its haunted. I know that 'legs immobile, heart beating, breath heavy' feeling only too well. It happened the last time me and Mr Whitehorse were 'in the bedroom' together. Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:30 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh Rhoda I love hearing these stories about you and your men. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:33 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	However... I have just read your comment... and send you positive virtual vibes and a big hug. Dont despair!!! Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:33 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh I'm feeling much better after having written this, actually. My horoscope said something would happen today and I should write about it and it would make everything clear. Sometimes its dead on!! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:35 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	What sign are you? It has to be a fire sign surely...the personality... the hair... Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:51 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	No water. Pisces. The fishie. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 5:30 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	AND ANOTHER THING!!! I went out with an ex boyfriend after losing him for 17 years. It doesnt work. I think its important to keep looking ahead and reaching for whats new and not dwell in the past. So youre doing the right thing. xx I will shut up now and get my coat. Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:35 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I wholeheartedly agree! And my brain agrees as well. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:36 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tina Beana	Sounds like the dreams I have, hope its helped writing it down. Its sad when you love someone and they completely take advantage of that fact, had that happen too, but no looking back, onwards and upwards as they say. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, cheesey I know but true !! Posted by Tina Beana on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 3:44 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Onwards and upwards, yes. But I prefer on to bigger and better things. LMAOOOOO if you catch my drift. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:23 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	This poem is gorgeous, and you capture the dream-like quality so well, Jules, with images like "legs immobile" and "i try to run/but cannot." How often have we all experienced this same terror as we've slept only to awaken, breaths coming hard and fast, hearts still racing in fear? You clearly set up the roots of this fearful nightmare in the "deep abyss of pain" now haunting the narrator's sleep, "lurk[ing] in the shadows." But what gives this poem its depth is the tension you create when you reveal that this darkness still has a pull on the speaker: "calling me back/luring me with its sweet siren call." Oh, please, no! we think. Move back from that edge, dear.... The final lines are beautifully done, offering ambiguity. Is there a hero who will come to the rescue, or will she fall back into the same nightmare from which she "escaped so many months ago"? "if i dive into nothingness will you be there to catch me?" I'm pulling for the hero on the white charger, sweetie. xxx Posted by Belladonna on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:18 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Me 2. So do I get an A? Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:22 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	A+ And extra credit ;) Posted by Belladonna on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:27 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oooh goodie!! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:31 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	Belladonna is so intelligent its quite scary. Imagine being THAT clever and THAT attractive. I cant imagine. :-) Someone drag me away and glue the lid of my laptop closed please do it NOW AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:42 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Oh, Rhoda, you have made my day, but everyone knows that you're the witty beauty! And please do not glue that thing shut! We've already had withdrawals from missing you last week.... Love you! xxx Posted by Belladonna on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 5:04 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Excuse me, I'm the brilliant one who wrote the damn poem!!!! And I'm not as beautiful as Donna but I'm "not too bad" according to some people. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 5:30 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	Ah yes... but youre incredibly funny and incredibly gorgeous.... which sounds like gushing, and Im Northern so it doesnt come easy... but I DO mean it. Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 6:34 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Eynon	Jules... I read your poem last night before sending you a message as you know... but hadn't read all the comments on here. I now just have and wanted to find an appropriate place to leave a congratulation and a cuddle of support!! Here seems perfect!! What did I tell you??? Yes Jules... you ARE incredibly gorgeous and funny and soooo amazingly quick-witted. Not only that honey but you are surrounded here by so many people who adore you... While you can so easily show in this poem Jules how talented and versatile you are... there is no way you should be having dreams of darkness, immobility and fear. If you were on the brink of nothingness you know soooo many hands would reach out to hold you?? Of all the people in this wonderful corner of Myspace... you have as much light, and vibrancy and optimism as anyone. Eynon xxx Posted by Eynon on April 13, 2008 - Sunday at 5:57 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	You're so sweet, Eynon. :-) But everyone has a dark side. And sometimes it has cookies. :P Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 13, 2008 - Sunday at 8:52 AM [Remove]

	♥buttmuffin♥	well thanks for that rhoda. :P Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 6:38 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Silly girl. You know you're beautiful, smart, and funny. Plus, you're a redhead. Men love them! They're hot stuff! Look...Chilli is chuffed at you and your butt--whatever that means. Maybe we should all look away now? ;) Posted by Belladonna on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 9:25 PM [Remove]

	Chilli	I don't want to blow smoke up your arse (that'd be a weird yet faintly amusing fetish) but (just one T in but .. damn my dirty mind, I hav'nt got a butt fetish .. alright .. I may have) you are an extraordinarily talented lady (I use lady in the loosest sense ofcourse). I think you're genital (is that the right tense for being genius-like ?) Film blogs And poetry .. blimey ! Chuffed to see you're feeling better. Posted by Chilli on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 6:06 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Donna where are all these men who like redheads? Men prefer blondes from what I've heard. And sure look away....c'mere chilli :P Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:25 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Wow you posted this twice you must really like me :) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 6:38 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Paul	Wow, when we spoke this morning I didn't realize how deep it went. I would have been more supportive. Glad to know you feel a bit better. I guess I was just very tired and didn't see. Posted by Paul on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:54 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh no...I'm feeling much better now. And your compliment (about flattening tires) really made my day :-) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 5:31 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chickwah	Jules! This is amazing! I am So impressed! Those awful dreams where your feet seem to be encased in concrete and yet you SO want to RUN! RESPECT! xMx Posted by Chickwah on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 5:44 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Thank you Margaret I thought it was funny how everything tied together today. Lifes strange sometimes. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 6:44 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chilli	I don't want to blow smoke up your arse (that'd be a weird yet faintly amusing fetish) but (just one T in but .. damn my dirty mind, I hav'nt got a butt fetish .. alright .. I may have) you are an extraordinarily talented lady (I use lady in the loosest sense ofcourse). I think you're genital (is that the right tense being genius-like ?) Film blogs And poetry .. blimey ! Chuffed to see you're feeling better. Posted by Chilli on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 6:28 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Butt fetish? Ooooh I'm your girl!!! even if I am not quite a lady. :P You're so sweet, Chilli!! I'm chuffed that you're chuffed. Lets all get chuffed. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 9, 2008 - Wednesday at 6:39 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Philip	Ok now Im scared glad I read this this morning Chuffin great !! Is the blood rushing to your head being upside down all the time?? Pxx Posted by Philip on April 10, 2008 - Thursday at 4:40 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Not anymore so than yours is. hahaha. So, Philip did you hit the fat bastard last night before bed? lmfaooo Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 10, 2008 - Thursday at 9:31 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tracy	WOW!! So goooood... I can feel your apprehensiveness. Cold shivers indeed! Deep breaths and calm your way. You'll make the right decision. All my love. Posted by Tracy on April 10, 2008 - Thursday at 11:27 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Perhaps the entire dream was based on my fear of running. I have the shoes, and a few days ago came the socks. I have no excuses other than laziness. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 10, 2008 - Thursday at 12:58 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Susan	very nicely done, BM. love the ethereal quality to this one! makes me want to find this being, seek him out. there IS a sense of mystery, yet also a sense of intense desire keenly wrapped in fear. wonderfully written, my friend. Posted by Susan on April 10, 2008 - Thursday at 7:50 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

♥buttmuffin♥

Thank you so much, Susan! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 10, 2008 - Thursday at 7:56 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]