Monday, April 25, 2005

the songs of ABBA continually loop through my brain

Song for the Day:
Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me- TISM

Fun Links of the Day:
The End of the World
Awww look at the
little froggie!! **KABOOM**
This is

Local News: Well I finally got caught up on my dailies and mail ins, and downloaded 100 songs onto my iPod. Went shopping at Hell-Mart Sat. night and bought Alex her first bra!!! It is a powerpuff girls bra/panty set and she is so cute wearing it!! Of course, being 4 years old she has absolutely no need for it whatsoever but its just so darn cute :) I also got her a Lizzie McGuire outfit that looks adorable on her. She is stylin! Unfortunately she is spending the night with her father so I will probably never see the bra/panties or the outfit ever again. :( He usually sends her back to me wearing something from last year that has holes in it.

Fun Searches this week that led to my site:

How I got commitment from a commitmentphobe. Yahoo search.
Kelly Clarkson Pregnant. Yahoo Search.
Kicking “Men’s Balls”. Google France.
Kelly Clarkson Naked. Yahoo Search.
Kelly Clarkson Panties. Yahoo Search.
Hot panties. Blog search engine.
Victoria’s Secret Model Breast Enlargement, Eh?. Google Canada.

Geez there are a lot of kinky bastards out there who like Kelly Clarkson and panties.

Fun Stuff I Stole off the Net:

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one -"Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked. "Just a minute, I have to go piss." The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite!"
"What about you John, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table."
"And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" ""I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
The teacher fainted..

To those who take life too Seriously

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains? Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I intend to live forever - so far so good.
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

Sperm Count
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open."


On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:"
Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
At a Proctologist's door"
To expedite your visit please back in."
On a Plumber's truck:"
We repair what your husband fixed."
On a Plumber's truck:"
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg.We just want tows."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for,you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet --miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company:
"We would be de-lighted if you send in your payment.However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,Come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait"
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."

Poem of the Day:

Mr. Grumpledump's Song
Shel Silverstein

Everything's wrong,
Days are too long,
Sunshine's too hot,
Wind is too strong.
Clouds are too fluffy,
Grass is too green,
Ground is too dusty,
Sheets are too clean.
Stars are too twinkly,
Moon is too high,
Water's too drippy,
Sand is too dry.
Rocks are too heavy,
Feathers too light,
Kids are too noisy,
Shoes are too tight.
Folks are too happy,
Singin' their songs.
Why can't they see it?
Everything's wrong