why did all my rowdy friends settle down?
me this weekend.
Song for the Day: Feel Good Inc.- Gorillaz
Yeah I know I used this one before, but since that iPod commercial is in heavy rotation it is stuck in my head.
Quote for the Day: I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it. Steven Wright
Fun Links of the Day:
Fun Pet of the Day!
Too lazy to READ? *rolls eyes*
Unintentionally sexual comic book covers
Well if you gotta blame someone....
Local News from the Wicked World of Jules:
I am planning a trip to NYC in June, cause I won free airfare from Orbitz in an instant win game. Also, a few months ago I won three nights free hotel stay at any Doubletree hotel in the US. (Sweepstaking is a hobby of mine, which really pays off.) I finally received my vouchers yesterday and today I called to make the reservations. We will be staying here:
I am getting excited!! I haven't been to New York in over 20 years and I am going to have a blast, especially since everything is FREE :)
In other news, Moon Pie had yet ANOTHER kitten which brings our kitten total to SEVEN. Can I just go ahead and cry now? I have 12 cats now. Waaaaaaaaaaaa.
A woman was looking at greeting cards for quite awhile, apparently not finding what she wanted. A clerk came over and asked if she needed help. The woman thought for a second and sheepishly said, "Do you have any ‘I'm sorry I laughed at the size of your dick cards?"
Things to do in a public toilet
1. Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "May I borrow a highlighter?"
2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."
3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise
4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot! My glass eye!"
6. Say "Darn, this water is cold."
7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.
8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"
9. Say, "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."
10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!!"
11. Say, "Interesting....more sinkers than floaters"
12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbor.Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here, please?
13. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!
14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot"
15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
16. Play a well known drum cadence over and oven again on your butt cheeks
17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
1. Walter Cavanaugh, "Mr. Plastic Fantastic," has 1,196 different valid credit cards.
2. The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was Fred.
3. In 1987, a 1,400-year-old lump of still-edible cheese was unearthed inIreland.
4. There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo.
5. In Kentucky, 50% of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.
6. Kotex was first manufactured as bandages, during WWI.
7. If an orangutan belches at you, watch out. He's warning you to stay out of his territory.
8. Einstein couldn't speak fluently when he was nine. His parents thought he might be retarded.
9. In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are automobiles.
10. About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.
11. In 1984, a New Jersey man opened a summer camp for Cabbage Patch dolls.
12. You're more likely to get stung by a bee on a windy day that in any other weather.
13. How can you tell when a gorilla is angry? It sticks its tongue out.
14. According to one poll, nearly 3/4 of all American women wear a bra that is the wrong size.
15. In 1976, a Los Angeles secretary formally married her 50-pound pet rock.
16. The first sperm banks opened in 1964; they were located in Tokyo and Iowa City.
17. In 1980, the Yellow Pages accidentally listed a Texas funeral home under frozen foods.
18. Cold showers actually increase sexual arousal.
19. 200 college students streaked at the same time in Boulder, CO in 1974.
20. In 1977, a 13-year-old boy discovered a tooth growing on his left foot.
21. In 1983, a Japanese artist made a copy of the Mona Lisa completely out of toast.
22. In the early '80s, a toad was discovered that meows instead of croaking.
23. In 1984, a Canadian farmer began renting ad space on his cows.
24. About 96% of all American children can recognize Ronald McDonald.
25. An average person laughs about 15 times a day.
26. Research indicates that mosquitoes are attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas.
27. Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet in the air.
28. The average human has seven sex fantasies in a day.
29. The most money ever paid for a cow in an auction was $1.3 million.
30. The average person is about a quarter of an inch taller at night.
31. A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 600 m.p.h.
32. The condom - made originally of linen - was invented in the early 1500s.
33. The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians in 2000B.C.
34. Watch out for flying hockey pucks - they travel at up to 100 mph.
35. America's first nudist organization was founded in 1929, by 3 men.
36. % of American drivers think they drive better than anyone else.
37. When he's feeling amorous, the male sea otter grabs the female's nose with his teeth.
38. In 1681, the last dodo bird died.
39. A Saudi Arabian woman can get a divorce if her husband doesn't give her coffee.
40. The Neanderthal's brain was bigger than yours is.
41. An Indian woman can legally wed a goat.
42. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
43. The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
44. Howdy Doody had 48 freckles.
45. What color was Christopher Columbus's hair? Blonde.
46. In 1980, there was only one country in the world with no telephones - Bhutan.
47. The most extras ever used in a movie was 300,000, for the film Gandhi in 1981.
48. Every person has a unique tongue print.
49. Your right lung takes in more air than your left one does.
50. Women's hearts beat faster than men's.
51. When Bugs Bunny first appeared in 1935, he was called Happy Rabbit.
52. Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets.
53. Bubble gum contains rubber.
54. You can only smell 1/20th as well as a dog.
55. In high school, Robin Williams was voted "Least Likely to Succeed."
56. Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star.
57. The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in Jello.
58. The sex organ on a male spider is located at the end of one of its legs.
59. Even if you cut off a cockroach's head, it can live for several weeks.
60. Chicken soup was considered an aphrodisiac in the Middle Ages.
61. Most American car horns honk in the key of F.
62. The world population of chickens is about equal to the number of people.
63. Women are 37% more likely to go to a psychiatrist than men are. [Well, duh, why do you think they go? The men drive them crazy!]
64. Every time Beethoven sat down to write music, he poured ice water over his head.
65. In 75% of American households, women manage the money and pay the bills.
66. A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.
67. About 70% of Americans who go to college do it just to make more money. [The rest of us are avoiding reality for four more years.]
68. It's against the law to catch fish with your bare hands in Kansas.
69. An estimated 6,000 American teenagers lose their virginity every day.
70. Someone paid $14,000 for the bra Marilyn Monroe wore in Some Like It Hot.
71. Some toothpastes contain antifreeze.
72. Sigmund Freud had a morbid fear of ferns.
73. Millie the White House dog earned more than 4 times as much as Pres. Bush in 1991.
74. Elvis's nickname for his sexual organ was "Little Elvis."
75. Bird droppings are the chief export of Nauru, an island nation in the western Pacific.
76. There are more plastic flamingos in America than real ones. [And most of them are in Parma!]
77. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
78. Lee Harvey Oswald's cadaver tag sold at an auction for $6,600 in 1992.
79. Mosquitos have teeth.
80. Spotted skunks do handstands before they spray.
81. Hypnotism is banned by public schools in San Diego.
82. The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.
83. When snakes are born with two heads, they fight each other for food.
84. Most cows give more milk when they listen to music.
85. Captain Kangaroo won five Emmy awards.
86. % of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell."
87. In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.
88. An estimated one in five Americans - some 38 million - don't like sex.
89. Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant "plenty of excrement."
90. Thomas Edison was afraid of the dark.
91. "Kemo Sabe" means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.