Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Buttmuffin the Finale.

Belladonna wakes up to the sound of fire trucks. She sits up on the couch and looks back at where the WhiteHorse once stood, now a mass of rubble.
A fireman comes out carrying Rhoda in his arms.

Angus McGregor

gently lays Rhoda down on the couch and begins performing CPR.

Suddenly she begins coughing and opens her eyes to behold the lovely bald Scotsman. She grabs him by the neck and snogs him rightly.

"Excuse me, Mr Fireman?" asks Belladonna meekly.
"GO AWAY we're busy!" shouts Rhoda.
"Umm.. where is Byron?? Is he ok?"
"Ma'am I did not find anyone else inside."
"Oh dear."

Belladonna walks over to the remains of the Whitehorse, still smoking.
Over by the bar, she sees something scrawled in chalk on the "daily specials" board.
It says:
"Created hydrogen bomb from holy water which dispersed it into subatomic particles. It was the only thing I could think of off the top of my head, but it got rid of Shep momentarily. She'll be back and she'll be looking for me, so I'm off to the woods. tee hee.

"Ha! Impressive." says Belladonna.
She walks back over to Rhoda and Angus.
"Oh sister dear, what do you say we take the mixer party to your place? I'm afraid the WhiteHorse is in need of repair." begs Rhoda.
"Fine. I could use a party after the day I've had. But you have to break the spell on jules, Rhoda."
"Oh sure," says Rhoda, beaming brightly, her smile reflecting on Angus's head.

As Rhoda and Belladonna make their way to Belladonna's house to prepare, jules is lying in the hospital bed, Laurie

holding one hand and Melissa the other.

Rhoda and Belladonna arrive at Belladonna's place, and she begins the teleportation incantation to transport jules. Suddenly, jules is lying on the floor, as well as Melissa and Laurie.
"What the hell is going on?" shouts Laurie.
"Sorry dear I didn't mean to scare you, we're friends of jules and we are going to break the spell that is on her."
"You better, or I will KICK YOUR ASS!"
"Rhoda, do what ya gotta do."
"Oh ok, fine." sighs Rhoda. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a bottle labeled "Hot Sex Potion" and pours some into jules' mouth.
*looks at label*
"Oh crap, thats the wrong one! SHIT!"

She reaches back into her purse and finds "Cookie Antidote Serum" and gives that a try.

The color begins coming back to jules' cheeks. She looks radiant.
Finally after several moments (during which she mumbles "You'll never get my cat!" repeatedly) she opens her eyes.

"THANK GOD!!!" Screams Belladonna,
rushing to her friend and giving her a big hug.

"Umm Belladonna dear, can you come here for a second?" asks Rhoda.
Belladonna walks over.
"That other potion I gave her, well lets just say that we need a man here and soon. Angus is coming round shortly and jules is NOT having her way with him."
"Well let's see, there is really only one man left, isn't there?" says Belladonna with a gleam in her eye.
She begins the teleportation incantation once more and in a few minutes, jimmy is standing in the room, holding a big bowl of hushpuppy mix.

"Thank you GOD. I hate my freakin job." he says gratefully.
jules sees jimmy and walks over to him.
"Hey jules, you're awake!! Before I forget, I have something for you."
jimmy reaches into his pants and pulls out a piece of paper.

"It's that macaroni art I promised you."

"Geez took you long enough." says jules sarcastically.
Then a look of recognition comes over her face, and she begins hitting jimmy over the head with the drawing.
*confused look on jules' face*
"Oh maybe I dreamed it?"

Meanwhile Rhoda is looking at her watch, and counting, with a wicked smile on her face. Finally she looks up at jules excitedly.
Suddenly jules' face turns very red, and her eyes grow large. She grabs jimmy by his shirt and throws him into the guest bedroom and shuts the door.
Rhoda starts laughing, "I think I'll slip a bit of this into Angus's drink at the party. hehe."
"You're so bad, sister" laughs Belladonna.

Unfortunately, the love scene between jules and jimmy was left on the cutting room floor. Due to the stipulation in jimmy's contract that the entire scene be performed in complete darkness, our test audiences proclaimed that they were "scared" and "confused" as to what was going on, and also there were a few injuries sustained in the darkened theater as a result of the lack of lighting in the scene.
Our apologies.

Several minutes later, jules emerges from the bedroom, her hair quite mussed.

"ALL RIGHT!!!! Lets get this party started!" She yells.
"Hell yeahs, chica!!" shouts Laurie,
who has already made a round of margaritas for everyone.
Belladonna turns on the disco ball and cues the music.

Jimmy finally emerges from the bedroom, looking reallllllly happy. Like a new man, in fact. He walks over to the buffet rubbing his tummy. "Mmmm sausages!"

Angus arrives

and Rhoda runs over to him and snogs him passionately.
"Oh GOD I love this man!" She proclaims.
"Aye I luv you too, darlin"
"Here, sweetie, have a margarita...I put a special ingredient in there for you."
"Oh I bet you did."
*the camera zooms in on the evil twinkle in Rhoda's eye*

*Arseless Lullaby begins to play as credits roll*

*end credits*


jules and jimmy still hang out occasionally

but he has still not made eye contact.

He helps jules out with the triplets in his spare time.

He quit his job at the restaurant, and Jason AKA Phil
took it over. It is now frequented by transvestites and has been renamed "Jason's Magical Hushpuppy Hideaway".

Now jimmy is running a shelter for homeless cats, and he spends most of his time riding around picking them up in his custom made truck


opened up a new hotel by the sea, with Angus at her side.

Being loved-up has transformed her, but every month like clockwork, she has to go to a neighboring village and cast a few evil spells just to get it out of her system.
She tells Angus she's off to the Jane Austen Book Club Meeting.


wrote a best selling novel about erotic foods, and now she lives in Rhoda's hotel by the sea in the penthouse suite. She fell in love with the chef who works there and they make love round the clock, followed by sausages and strawberries. Then he writes love songs about her and uploads them to myspace.


is still on the run, although no one is really chasing him. He wanders the forest by night, camping and trapping wild game. Occasionally he will stop and phone jules
to see how Byron Jr. is getting along, but he always claims that his child support money was lost in the mail.
He has written a children's story

but has yet to find a publisher.


and Melissa

quit their detective agency and opened up a school of martial arts, to teach girls how to KICK ASS. They are very successful.


is in servitude to Shep in hell.

He's lazy and gets beaten frequently.
He seems to like it.
Occasionally he gets sad, thinking about how much he misses his couch.

*cue creepy music*

ric maher, carrying an oddly-shaped box under one arm, boards a bus bound for North Carolina....
"She will be mine, OH YES, She will be MINE!"

*the end*

myspace Comments:

Backwards Eskimo Joe's shirts on the twins...sacrilege, I tell you!

Posted by Tracy on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 7:34 PM
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Thats the only thing you could find wrong with this movie?

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 8:02 PM
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triplets....geez, Tracy.

Posted by Tracy on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 7:34 PM
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Damn right!

Posted by Melissa on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 8:11 PM
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You're only pretending it's over! You've left it open for a squel! What's in the oddly shaped box??? My feverish brain must know!

Posted by Belladonna on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 8:47 PM
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I had to be mysterious at the end, I couldn't help myself.
Perhaps one day you will find out.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 8:50 PM
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When it comes out on dvd put me down for a dozen copies. Great christmas gifts. They really need more kudos 2 is not enough. well done.

Posted by Doug on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 9:01 PM
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I agree, Doug I think you should write Tom an email. :P
Thanks for your support. :)

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 9:05 PM
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/baz cheers loudly scaring the cat

Posted by Baz on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 9:22 PM
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I just wonder if Baz is cheering cause it was good, or she's happy its over.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 9:24 PM
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Ric Maher

Perfect casting! How'd you know I'm a huge Buscemi fan? I don't think I've even mentioned that in my too much personal information blogs (although my friend {ex-friend...we're fighting} Yaz calls me "Mr. Pink" {we're fighting because she thinks I'm a racist snob who would never ride a bus}. Great finale...or should I say season ending cliffhanger. Thanx for including me in your cast of characters. What is this...Law & Order...with the continuous changes? Do I get naked...or season?

Posted by Ric Maher on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 9:59 PM
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Hmmm I didn't know you were a Buscemi fan I guess I am just in tune with your mind. Which scares me.
You'll probably die naked.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:02 PM
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If I know Jules, you'll die naked. And it won't be a painless death.

Posted by jimmy on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:01 PM
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LMFAO we posted that at the same time.
Crap y'all know me too well!

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:03 PM
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I was the last one to get laid, I lasted 'several minutes', and everything happened in the dark??.......That's as close to my actual life as you could get! Perfect.
Now, for all you evil doers and miscreants out there, consider your actions. Before you steal your next purse, before you take two newspapers from the machine while only paying for one, before you abandon your next cat...look around. The Pussy Wagon may be there, parked next to a curb, watching your every move. Waiting.... *disappears into the night*

Posted by jimmy on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:00 PM
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Jason AKA Phil

pussy wagon

you left your car keys at Jules.....

Posted by Jason AKA Phil on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 6:14 AM
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Well I guess all those miscreants and evil doers will just have to perform their evil acts in the daylight, when you are in hiding.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:03 PM
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We'll send out the signal when we need you.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:29 PM
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Shhhh! You're giving away one of my weaknesses!!

Posted by jimmy on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:12 PM
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this is your house isnt it?

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:21 PM
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No, my house is inside of that one.

Posted by jimmy on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:22 PM
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in the basement???

*jules remembers bulletin she did a few days ago*

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:23 PM
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hey...i think you helped me figure out what i wanna do when i grow up! i definately have to collaberate with melissa on that one......AFTER i find out where i can get my hands on some of that fantastical potion!

Posted by ♥laurie♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:55 PM
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Yeah me too I need it moreso than you do!

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on April 30, 2008 - Wednesday at 10:56 PM
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Jason AKA Phil

First Club Fuck Fetish Ball

Jimmy do u like the new decor in the

Posted by Jason AKA Phil on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 6:08 AM
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I do, but that's not a very flattering shot of my backside.

Posted by jimmy on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 9:35 AM
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Jason AKA Phil

bad sex

jules face via the infrared camera from the blacked out sex scene with Jimmy....lmao

Posted by Jason AKA Phil on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 6:09 AM
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Actually I have a feeling Jimmy was the one with the look of terror on his face.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 7:47 AM
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That was not a look of terror, I had eaten some bad pudding.

Posted by jimmy on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 9:38 AM
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well its your own fault for stealing your neighbors internet, thats why they won't lend you any sugar for your puddings.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 10:17 AM
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Rhoda Whitehorse

That was the funniest episode of them all!!!

Ive been working all day and finally came home to find all my dreams have come true. You couldnt have found a more perfect man for me Jules and I am at last HAPPY.

I do fancy Steve Busemi though and I struggle with not being single and able to 'do' what I like.


Story of slightly evil Rhoda's life.

Glad Donna and Eeyore are happy in the penthouse. My seafood has been substandard recently due to lack of attention. I wish them every happiness however and may employ a sous chef.

Jules and Jimmy? All I can say is about effing time!

..and to matthew I say PAH! just desserts.

What will we do now the saga is over?


Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 1:42 PM
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Will the new sous chef cook soused herrings? Ha!

Im glad to know Belladonna found tru love at last... and with a chef...

... Oh yes... here he is now!

grandpa (chefs hat)

Posted by Eynon on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 2:02 PM
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Jules, is this the chef you had in mind, sweetie? Hmmm? He looks just a tad older than his profile pic here....

You know, Rhoda warned me about this! They pretend to be sexy singers in convertibles, and then look at what you get! Oh dear....

Posted by Belladonna on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 5:12 PM
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haha oh I love that song.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 8:26 PM
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Rhoda Whitehorse

My he IS a handsome looking fellow. Lucky Belladonna!

Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 2:12 PM
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I'm sure we can find something to do. :)

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 1:50 PM
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I thought it was funny. i hope u write more

Posted by sue on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 2:21 PM
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Thanks Sue! I'm sure I will think of something else to work on...I get antsy after awhile.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 2:25 PM
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Awwwwww, don't you just LOVE happy endings. All loose ends suitably tied up, everyone got laid and we can all live happily ever after. *sniffs*

Posted by Chickwah on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 3:21 PM
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Everyone but ric maher.

Seriously, my ending wasn't that happy. LOL I got stuck with triplets while jimmy is out running around picking up cats. This is typical though.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 3:25 PM
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Fine, I'll watch the kids, YOU troll for pussy.

Posted by jimmy on May 1, 2008 - Thursday at 10:51 PM
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Hands jimmy the kids.
runs out door

*tires screeching*

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 2, 2008 - Friday at 7:21 AM
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