Buttmuffin: The Movie Part 10
and Jimmy 
are driving to pick up jules. Belladonna decides that it is time to tell Jimmy the truth."Jimmy, I need to tell you something, and I hope you’ll have an open mind."
"Of course! Shoot."
"Well...I’m a witch, Jimmy. But I’m a good witch, honestly."
"Ok..."
"Seriously. I am. And I know where you’ve been the past few days."
"You do? Where?"
"You’ve been a prisoner of my evil step-sister Rhoda Whitehorse. She tried to get you to kill jules, but apparently you failed. Now she’s going to try to kill jules herself."
"Oh wow...." Jimmy gets a confused look on his face
, as though trying to remember. His eyes twinkle with a vague glimmer of recognition. "I seem to recall something about ’kill jules’ but it seems fuzzy, like I dreamed it.""Well, I assure you, its real...I tried to.......OH SHIT!"
Belladonna swerves to try to avoid hitting an orange cat that has crossed the road in front of the car. But kitty cannot escape the grasp of the grim reaper this time around...
*thud*
"Oh no!"
They both get out of the car to see.
"Oh dear GOD!" Jimmy cries out.
"I’m so sorry, Jimmy, I couldn’t avoid hitting it!"
"I know, it was an accident. Poor thing." He wipes a tear from his cheek. They get back in the car and resume their journey.
"What were you saying about jules?" asks Jimmy, trying to get his mind off the cat.
"Oh yeah I tried to call her but she didn’t answer. She’s probably too busy shagging Matthew. I swear, first Byron, now Matthew. I hate to say this, but she’s turning into a bit of a slut!"
"So.... she’s with Matthew now??"
Jimmy’s smile fades from his face, his countenance darkened as if the sun was hidden by clouds. Tears well up in his eyes.
"Oh God Jimmy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had feelings for her."
"Oh no, I was just thinking about that cat."
*raises eyebrow skeptically*
Matthew has been practicing CPR on jules for the past 20 minutes with no response. Honestly, it was unnecessary as jules is breathing. She’s just unconscious. Jimmy and Belladonna pull up and knock on the door.
"Hey Matthew, is jules here I need to talk to her... What’s wrong???"
"She won’t wake up! I don’t know what to do!" cries Matthew.
"OH DEAR GOD Am I too late??"
*Belladonna rushes into Matthew’s flat*
"Hey," Matthew puts his hand on Jimmy’s chest as he tries to enter the door. "You’re the bastard who stole my bloody couch!"
"Oh no, Matthew it wasn’t his fault. Rhoda kidnapped him along with your couch and lamp," says Belladonna.
"Oh ok. Should have known Rhoda was behind it."
"Oh you know my step-sister?"
"Yes quite well, she got me right pissed at the pub the other night and shagged me senseless. Couldn’t sit on my arse for weeks without crying out."
"WTMI, Matthew."
Belladonna and Jimmy enter and take a look at jules.
Matthew looks at Jimmy "Do you know anything about medicine?"
"Ha, the only medicinal information I possess is the exact amount of alcohol necessary to render a woman completely submissive."
Matthew’s eyes grow big. "So you have the book then!"
Jimmy blushes.
"No no, I just borrowed it from the library. I have committed it all to memory."*points to his forehead*
*zoom in on book lying on Matthew’s nightstand*
*old English Announcer dude interrupts broadcast*
"DVD SPECIAL FEATURE! See end of blog to find out what jules’ other friends are reading. Brought to you by the ’Campaign to Promote Literacy Amongst Middle-Aged People Too Knackered to Bother Reading a F-ing Book’
We now resume our broadcast."
Belladonna takes a look at jules.
"Well, she’s breathing, but you and Jimmy should take her to the hospital. I’ll take care of Rhoda. If jules is under a spell, Rhoda is the only one who can reverse it."
"Right."
"You know Matthew, if you and Rhoda had a thing, I suppose she could want you for herself and viewed jules as a threat?" Belladonna says perceptively.
"Yes absolutely possible. I am quite fabulous, you know."
*Belladonna rolls eyes*
Belladonna puts amulet around jules’ neck.
"This will protect her from further harm."
Matthew
and Jimmy look at each other like wtf.more to come....
NOW FOR OUR SPECIAL FEATURE!
*Old English Announcer Dude Speaks*
"Brought to you by the ’Campaign to Promote Literacy Amongst Middle-Aged People Too Knackered to Bother Reading a F-ing Book.’
What are jules’ friends reading? Let’s have a look, shall we?"
Byron, being intellectually superior to just about everyone, is reading many different books simultaneously. Perhaps one for each of his myspace identities.
Teddy is reading this one.
jules is reading two books. 
Belladonna is reading this one (which she helped edit)
Rhoda is reading this one 
and this one as well, just for laughs. 
Jimmy is reading this. 
Smokey is reading this one.
Laurie is reading this book.
Jason AKA Phil is reading this one (on toilet of course)
and Shepherdess
is reading her own autobiography of death and destruction.
everyone else is too busy doing stuff to bother reading.
Myspace Comments:
Belladonna   |
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| jimmy  |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Sue/Wrighty's Mum  |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Jason AKA Phil  |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Jason AKA Phil |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Jason AKA Phil |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Jason AKA Phil |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Jason AKA Phil |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Rhoda Whitehorse  |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Chickwah  |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Chickwah |
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| Matthew ©  |
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| Belladonna |
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| Chickwah |
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| Byron Getonefree  |
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| ♥buttmuffin♥ |
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| Smokey  |
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posted by jules mcnubbin (buttmuffin) at Monday, March 17, 2008
