The Wonderfully Wicked World of Jules.
Where nothing is relevant.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Buttmuffin: The Movie Part 9
Rhoda has thrown Jimmy out onto the street, due to the fact that he was an imbecile. She has decided to kill jules herself. And she’s gonna kick it old school.Thanks to her wonderful crystal ball, she has seen what Matthew served jules for breakfast, so she knows jules must be hungry. So she transforms her appearance and heads to Matthews with some poison cookies.
Jimmy finds himself wandering down the street with no memory of how he got there, and he is filled with a strange desire to fondle kittens. *wtf* He tries calling jules on his cell, but gets voicemail. So he tries Belladonna."Hello?" "Hey Bella, its Jimmy." "Oh hey Jimmy, how are you?" "Umm I’m not sure. I can’t remember how I got here or where I have been. And I want a cat real bad." "Hmmm that’s bizarre!" "Can you pick me up please?" "Sure just tell me where you are and I’ll be right there" "Hmmm not sure what street this is, but I’m standing outside a chinese restaurant." "Oh yeah I know that place, I’ll be there in a few minutes, sweetie!" *click*
Byron is still in the shower, apparently he is rather anal about his cleanliness, funny cause he used to live in the freakin woods. He’s just starting to lather up his left thigh when he gets a tingling in his psychic toe. *oh no* Suddenly a floating head appears before him. "Bloody hell wtf is going on here??" "You don’t remember me?" "No I think I’d remember a floating head!!" "Ah well you may remember my headless corpse that you found at your residence?" "OH" "Yes that was me. Shepherdess has sent me to keep an eye on you." "Oh dear" "Yes I know. Shepherdess said you mustn’t go to the mixer tonight or you’ll regret it." "Like I care what she thinks!" "Suit yourself, but prepare to face the consequences. Why is that teddy in the shower with you?" "Just sod off you stupid head!" "I’ll just be hanging around, hahahaha" (head begins singing) "Another Saturday night, and I ain’t got No BODY, I got some booty cause I just got laid... hahaha I crack myself up" "Yes you’re hilarious." Byron goes back to washing, its time for Mr Hiney to get all nice and clean.And Mr Teddy wishes someone would just kill him.
Belladonna finds Jimmy standing in front of the Chinese restaurant petting a stray cat. "I thought you hated cats, Jimmy" "So did I!" "I was going to go see jules, but let’s go get something to eat since we’re here, whaddya say?" "Yummy lets do it."
*25 minutes later*
"Jimmy what does your fortune say?" "Hmm I got two of them, actually." "I don’t like mine" says Jimmy. "Well mine isn’t very good either!" "Let’s get outta here and go fetch jules" "Alrighty then!" They walk out of the restaurant into the evening air. Jimmy hears someone saying "here kitty kitty" in the back of the restaurant, and he has flashbacks of being shot at. *shivers* He walks over to investigate and finds the chef standing at the back door. "Here kitty kitty!" "Oh," says Jimmy, "You like cats, too?" "Oh res. Cat vewy vewy good!" "Yes they are. Good luck finding yours." "OH fank you vewy much!"
Jimmy and Belladonna hop in her car and head to Matthew’s place.
Meanwhile, Rhoda has shown up on Matthew’s doorstep with cookies. Apparently Matthew has gone to great extremes since his couch was stolen.*knock knock* "Well hello, what have we here?" "Hello sir, would you like to buy some cookies?" "Oh God yes, that sounds nice, come in" *that damn jules ate all my hobnobs.* "jules, luv, do you want some cookies?" "No, I’m on a diet Matthew" "But wait," says the disguised Rhoda, "I have some very special diet cookies just for your girlfriend" "and, if you buy the box I will throw in some free diet water, as well" "wow that’s a good deal, I’ll take some of those chocolatey ones for me and those diet ones for jules...be right back" *sound of glass breaking* "here you go, thanks so much!" Rhoda hands Matthew the cookies and walks away smiling.
Matthew hands jules the diet cookies and jules, being completely famished after her paltry breakfast of 1/2 banana and some crackers, grabs one and devours it quickly.
"Mmmm not bad!" she proclaims, "Hey Matthew..."
"yeah..." "Can you be a dear and grab me a...."
*thud* "A what?" Matthew walks in and finds jules collapsed on the floor, clutching her diet water."oh my God! No!!!!"
OMG I have schizophrenia!!!! HELP!!! the voices! I cant bear it. Im evil rhoda/good rhoda/evil rhoda/good rhoda!!!!!!!!!! Im fighting the evil doer and Im AM the evildoer so am I trying to obliterate myself? Where did I get those cookies? SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH.
*Rhoda flails on floor tossing her head and foaming at the mouth... clutching a large metal cross in one hand and a dead cat in the other... down her cardi are SWEET AND SOUR PORK stains*
You two are so distracted by Marky's dancing at the rodeo, you've forgotten you even had a mission! lmaoooo You'll return, cause there is a party coming up and everyone will be there! If I survive, I may be there too.
You're just jealous bc you don't get to wipe your mouth with a Sanitary napkin on a daily basis. And despite the fact that I somehow like cats now, this is my favorite scene so far. I even brought you a souvenir menu from the chinese restaurant:
Oh perhaps it is...but you know Jimmy has to have his turn with me as well, Matthew. He's been very patient waiting for his love scene and I can't let him down. You've already gotten laid by two women in this movie!