Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Buttmuffin: The Movie Part 6

Matthew arrives at Belladonnas and jules hops in.
"Are you STILL listening to The Cure, Matthew? Its not the bloody 80's anymore!
I'm just teasing you, haha you know I live for the 80's."

*jules mind drifts back to 1985 for a moment*
*Matthew turns up the song*

"Hey Matthew Can I stay at your place until the mixer party?"

"Of course you can, luv!" Matthews eyes twinkle with excitement.

and Melissa leave Matthew's after finding no clues at all. They arrive at the Lowe's parking lot

to find a homeless person who has been lost there for 6 years unable to escape.
They question him and he gives his description of the events earlier that day, involving a man of Jimmy's description and several heavily armed cats. Laurie and Melissa look at each other and shake their heads. "What a lunatic!" Says Laurie as Melissa laughs uncontrollably. They hop into the car, leaving the bum still trapped in the parking lot.

"Help me get out of this fucking place!" he screams at the car, but the girls can't hear him cause they are blasting India Arie as they drive off.

Jules arrives at Matthews place.

"What happened to your couch?"
"I'd like to know that myself" says Matthew.

"Wanna watch some tv?" he asks.

"Ok, sure" she replies.
"Pride and Prejudice?" he says *this movie always does the trick*
"oh I love that movie!" says Jules excitedly.
*oh yeah Matthew is getting some tonight*
He goes into the kitchen and returns with a bottle of the strongest red wine known to man, "Passionata de Juicy Juice" vintage 1975.


stumbles out into the street like a zombie, following the trail to Matthews house. "KILL JULES" he says over and over. Lucky for Jules and Matthew, his house is 20 miles away and at this pace, it will take Jimmy all night to reach them.

Byron wakes up and jules is gone.
"Arse Biscuit, where are you luv? Anal Cupcake? Rectal Pastry? oh yes Butt Muffin thats it. Are you in the toilet dear?" No answer. "Hmmm"
Byron walks out into the living room, still clutching the teddy bear.

Belladonna is gone, but Byron finds a piece of paper with directions to the Myspace Mixer party. "Hmmm" he mutters, "Guess I'll check this out, might be a bit of fun" as he heads off to the shower.
The camera focuses on Mr. Teddy's poor sad face. He's so tired of looking at Byron's willy, he's lost the will to live.

Meanwhile, Mr. Darcy has declared his passion for Elizabeth Bennett,

and jules is feeling the effects of the wine.
She looks over at Matthew *damn, he is a fine looking man isn't he.*
*Works every time* thinks Matthew.
Jules lays her head against Matthew's shoulder.
"This is nice" shes says softly.

"OH YEAH" replies Matthew.
"But these pants are so constrictive. Why don't I just take them off." With a flick of his wrist, he pulls off his pants. With another, he removes his shirt. "WOW that is amazing" says Jules, wide-eyed.
"Velco, Darling. Velcro."

*boom chicka bow wow*

"Oh my GOD Matthew!"
"Not there, NO NO NO!"
"Whats that?"
"Don't worry luv. You're gonna love this"
sings:"OH sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!"
"that was amazing! Where did you learn how to do that Matthew?"



"Grrr. Fucking men!"

Myspace Comments:

Poor Mr. Teddy!

Love the ref to YF. ;)

Where have I gone for the last several episodes? Do I reappear at this party? Or will I be found dead in a gutter somewhere with just a meat stick and a huge strawberry as evidence of a sad, wasted life of excess?

Posted by Belladonna on March 10, 2008 - Monday at 11:47 PM
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You'll be in it again, don't worry!! hehe

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 10, 2008 - Monday at 11:56 PM
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20 miles?? You'd better get my ass a cab, or the only death I'll be able to carry out is my own. And that occurs at approximately 2.5 miles. That's when I begin to chafe.

Posted by jimmy on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 12:28 AM
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Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 8:24 AM
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Rhoda Whitehorse

I think I might start serving passionata de juicy juice at The Whitehorse....

Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 5:39 AM
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You should! Itsh ber-illiant!

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 8:24 AM
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Rhoda Whitehorse

Its getting pretty busy at The Whitehorse. I thought I would come over here for a rest. I brought my glass of juicy juice. Its much more interesting here... all the intrigue and the sex scenes and the actors and actresses being primadonnas.

In fact Belladonna could have a primadonna week. In the name of the Movie... She could be a STAR!!!

Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 6:22 PM
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It is quite busy over there. Hope we don't run out of passionata de juicy juice.

Everyone wants more screen time. Meanwhile, the poor writer is having to rewrite scene after scene to allow everyone to get what they want. And this poor jules character is so very uninteresting. At least shes getting laid. More than I can say for myself.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 6:25 PM
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Rhoda Whitehorse

The only place Im getting laid is on your blog too. We are truly wasted Jules. Maybe if you market passionata de juicy juice... do you think it has aphrodysiac properties?

Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 6:37 PM
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it sure did when I was sitting next to Clive Owen

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday at 6:38 PM
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I'm a new reader/viewer. Bear with me while I catch up. I hadn't realised some of my friends are movie stars!

Posted by Chickwah on March 15, 2008 - Saturday at 7:43 AM
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Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 15, 2008 - Saturday at 10:07 AM
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Matthew ©

Damn this is rather too close to real life!

Posted by Matthew © on March 16, 2008 - Sunday at 5:29 PM
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So I've been told!
You and those velcro pants of yours. hehe

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 16, 2008 - Sunday at 5:32 PM
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