I've done this before years ago on blogspot, but I think its time to update it for the myspace era. So here goes. If you don't like who I have chosen to portray you, feel free to offer alternate suggestions in the comments. I might listen to you. Sara Rue as jules, shes got the hair, the boobs and the big ass. Alyson Hannigan as Lauren Poo AKA Aquabebe' Dakota Fanning as Alex, AKA Pooh Bear. She hasn't played a psycho yet, now would be her chance. Grizzly Adams as brother Bud, head of the construction empire and my boss. (he's not quite this furry, although he was once) Brenda Fricker as Elaine, the oldest sister who is special. Kathy Bates as Rita, the warm, smart and level-headed sister. Amanda Peet as Andrea, the niece who just loves to workout with the muffin. Stockard Channing as Margaret the no-nonsense best friend who's always been the voice of wisdom. Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest: The men. Jeff Daniels- Dondi the ex husband- blonde, blue eyed laid back gigolo who yawns continuously. Jim Carey- Jamie (Alex's dad) complete idiot, pothead. James AKA Vyntex. I don't remember what he looks like, so he'll just be played by some random extra. All I ever saw was the back of his head while he played WoW and picked up chicks online. The Myspace Era Begins: Jimmy played by John Krasinski. Hey its MY MOVIE. He's smart, funny, and camera shy to extremes. He claims to be hideous and bald but I've heard otherwise. Laurie played by Courteney Cox. Its hard to find someone who can play someone this tiny AND dangerous. She can kick your ass, so be warned! Drew Barrymore as Melissa. Shes fun, shes spunky, she's wild. Barbara Hershey as JAS AKA Jill. So sad she's no longer on myspace due to a big mouthed butthole who caused too much drama. She's funny, warm, and loving. Harrison Ford as Byron. I swear they were separated at birth. The resemblance is eerie. Harrison has never played a brilliantly funny mental patient before, so it should be good. Amy Brenneman as Caroline. She's sweet, she's tough. She drives a big truck. Salma Hayek as Pam. Hey they're both Mexican! Hope she likes doing bulletins! Smokey as himself. He's obsessed with raw meat, forestry, dragging out words like thiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssssssss, and sex. Beware! Rene Russo as Belladonna. She's smart, she's sexy, she's friendly! Hugh Grant as neale. He's terribly charming, but an eternal bachelor. Hmm. Lena Headey as Rhoda Whitehorse. They share a stunning bone structure and an English accent, and yet their upper crust features belie a wild streak a mile long. Clive Owen as Matthew. It'll be a stretch for Clive, but its time he did a comedy.
And now, due to popular demand, I've written a few lines of typical dialogue from the movie to whet your appetite.
*rolls eyes* I'm SOOOOO freakin happy to be alive. *goes and sits in front of computer* can we watch a movie? PWEAASSSSEEE???? *screams in crazed manner* AAAAHHHH I HATE LAUREN!!!! SHUT UP I HATE YOU!! AAAAHHHHH *reaches for nerve pills* Can you call so and so and tell him this and that and then fax this for me, and type up a proposal, and go to the mail, and deposit my check, and oh how do you spell PICNIC? Hmmm hmmm hmmmm I like to hum all the time. OOOH doughnuts! *texting jules* Are we going to the gym today? *texting back* yes well unless Alex has gone psycho again. Do you want to? *texting* Meh. Up to you. I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand. Duh. We're stupid. We don't like to pay child support. *sits at computer playing WoW and typing to fellow guild members* You NOOB I PWND U!! HAHAHAHA I'm a geek!! *meets girl online and starts typing excitedly* oh hey baby, I'm really sensitive and write bad poetry and have a small willy. Have pity on me. No, I don't have a gf, I can't seem to find one who will accept me because of my small willy. Here's a poem for you, you're the love of my life. I hate cats! All cats must be destroyed and skinned alive and turned into seat covers!!!! ooooh doughnuts! *writing email* Hey sweetie! Whatcha doin? I fell and hurt my hiney but it was fun. Oh wait I'll BRB I have to go KICK SOME ASS. *laughs hysterically at Laurie's butt injury* I'm so very English. Look at me! I'm a mental patient, tra la la la la *skips about merrily* Oh no here comes Nurse Brenda! *acts normal* Ok she's gone now tra la la la la *resumes skipping* I like to blow things up! I am brilliantly funny aren't I? And my mental illness can be traced back to my typically English childhood, which I will write about in agonizing suspenseful detail on my blogs. *sits at computer to write blog* *sits at computer* OOOH BULLETIN TIME!! WOO HOOO!! *types comment* You sure is fiiiiiiiiinnnnnneeee, lady. But what ya got in your freezer? Some meat? Gotta run to a forestry meeting with my pal Barney, ttyl. But first I'll leave a bunch of comments that have pics of wild animals. *writes bulletin* I've posted a new writing topic. Write a poem about your favorite fruit in iambic pentameter. That is all. *voice mail* Rhoda here. Pop round to the Whitehorse for some virtual beer and hotpot!! *types blog* Hi I'm Matthew. I can't spell. Help me.
Later comments on 2nd post which included dialogue: