Sunday, March 09, 2008

Tagged by Byron

Byron has tagged me. I'd like to say this involved him chasing me through a forest wearing a loosely fitting shirt unbuttoned to his waist, whilst the sun danced upon his hair... and upon finally catching up with me, pushing me to the ground and having his way with me repeatedly. But alas, he simply wants me to write 10 facts about myself. Oh bother. Here goes.

1. I'm terribly afraid of feathers, tornadoes, and tsunamis. I frequently have dreams about the last two, in fact last night I dreamed of being chased by a tornado. As it drew nearer, its form changed into the shape of an enormous tiger, ready to pounce, and it turned and looked at me as though it could see me, before heading straight my way. (I'm not kidding, either!) The feathers phobia is simply weird but nonetheless I cannot bear the thought of feathers touching me, especially the little white ones that are always inside pillows on movies. Apparently whenever two people want to have fun, this involves beating each other about the head with pillows until they are showered in things that were plucked from birds. Doesn't appeal to me. I can think of much more fun things to beat each other about the head with.

2. I dislike talking on the telephone. Uncomfortable silences terrify me, and in these moments I find myself laughing in a deranged manner and revealing secrets about myself and others, before I can stop myself.

3. If a man has a large adam's apple I find myself inexplicably drawn to it, and unable to focus on anything else around me.

4. I love Daisies, the color lavender, and the smell of jasmine tea.

5. I once saw James Brown on a flight to London. His band was seated in coach near me, and he was in first class. The were very nice chaps, and he was reallllly short and yes he did actually dress like that. That flight was a nightmare though as the guy next to me sniffed continuously for 6 hours. It drove me mad. Then my luggage got lost, and I had to shag that bastard Paul. But other than that it was a nice trip.

6. I got my first tattoo at age 30. My husband and I had just split up and I was enjoying a newfound sense of freedom, so how better to celebrate this moment than to go to a seedy joint and have a big hairy man draw a butterfly on my nether regions? Soon I shall be getting number 2, a muffin on my ass. First I have to find a drawing of a muffin that is not brown as I do NOT want anything brown tattooed on my ass.

7. I dislike even numbers. I think they should be removed.

8. One of my favorite hobbies is taking a popular song and changing the words. Yesterday, I was walking around singing "your body feels like Wonder Bread."
Also, I talk to myself a lot. I ask myself questions that have no possible answer and then when I don't get a reply, I get really angry.

9. When I was little, I liked to dig holes in the backyard. Occasionally I would find an old china cup or a coin, or maybe a perfume bottle. How thrilled I would be at these discoveries! I still do this but I have to be very cautious; the neighbors find it disturbing to see me digging in the middle of the night.

10. I never watch the news, and I hate politics. If people would spend more time fondling kittens and less watching the news, the world would be a happier place. Ignorance really is bliss. I s'pose I am required to tag others to do this as well. Well then, I tag Aquabebe, Laurie, Jimmy, Andrea, Caroline, Melissa, JAS, and Smokey

Myspace Comments:

I don't know if the world would be a happier place, but all those fondled kittens would be smiling. Wish *I* were a kitten. Except that hating cats and all, I would have to heave myself under a moving semi tire when I achieved cathood.
Tell Mr. Buttons 'hi' for me.

Posted by jimmy on March 2, 2008 - Sunday at 7:22 AM
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Better yet, I'll go fondle him and pretend its you.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 2, 2008 - Sunday at 10:27 AM
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girl, you crack me up!

Posted by ♥laurie♥ on March 3, 2008 - Monday at 7:55 AM
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I have some really good glue for that. Can fix you right up.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 3, 2008 - Monday at 1:19 PM
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Matthew ©

I am nervy on the telephone unless it's work or someone I know really well....

Fortunately my adam's apple is hidden beneath my 3 double chins, so I pose no threat to you!

2, 4, 6 , 8 Who do we appreciate? Buttmuffin!

Posted by Matthew © on March 3, 2008 - Monday at 12:44 PM
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lmao. You shouldn't talk that way about yourself, you have a beautiful woman stuck to your face!
I'm a big girl myself but I'm working on that at the moment.

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 3, 2008 - Monday at 1:18 PM
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Rhoda Whitehorse

Hi Buttmuffin. I have subscribed to your blog today. Youre SO funny... Ive been LMAO all over the place.
I have to agree with you about the news and politics. Its all such bad news and its depressing. They should temper it by saying... millions and millions of people all over the world have been absolutely FINE and the weather has been good and peace has reigned throughout the land... but in one small part of our world something bad happened.

We focus too much on the bad things and it warps our perception.

So stay funny and stick your fingers in your ears. xx

Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on March 5, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:07 PM
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awww thanks Rhoda.

I must admit I read that last sentence wrong, I think I sometimes have dirty-mind-dyslexia for I tend to rearrange letters mentally (unconsciously, of course) whilst reading. Therefore, I am glad upon second reading, to discover that you asked me to stick my fingers in my EARS and not what I first thought you said (take e and put on end of word). ha

Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on March 5, 2008 - Wednesday at 4:11 PM
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