my horoscope for today

My horoscope for today.
Current mood: horny
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Dear Julie,
Here is your horoscope
for Sunday, May 11:

You need to make sure that you're not boring your friends with whatever is obsessing you lately. Spread it around, write it up in your journal or just keep your thoughts to yourself now and then.


What exactly does it mean by "spread it around"? I find that bit intriguing. Perhaps I should become slutty? It would probably liven things up.... and then I wouldnt be complaining about not getting laid... OH! *light bulb* I bet thats what I am boring y'all with. Sorry guys, I will shut up about my lack of nookie. *zips mouth*

myspace comments:

Rhoda Whitehorse	Pardon Jules? zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz what was that you said? Me no! bored? never. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz ;-)xx Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 2:35 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	*turns face away from computer* Talk to the hand Rhoda. You're getting amazingly mind-blowing sex left and right. And I'm so freaking jealous. Give me back my marbles!! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 2:37 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	Your marbles are MINE ALL MINE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 3:32 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	you are eVIL. Rhoda stole me marbles (and then taunted me by photographing them and uploading to myspace!) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 3:35 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chickwah	Hey, Jules! There's nothing boring about lack of nookie! That's serious shit! And I should know! Posted by Chickwah on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 2:49 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Ok we can bitch and moan together, Margaret. :-) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 2:51 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chickwah	No problem! Posted by Chickwah on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 3:13 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Make this a threesome. Okay, that sounds bad, but you know what I mean. I think it's been almost two months? Crawling the walls. Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:43 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh please try NINE Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:53 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	But if you zip your mouth... (Because it's Mother's Day AND because Ric truly adores this woman, even he refuses to complete that vulgar joke.) p.s. I always suspected these horoscopes were bogus...now I have proof. How could they use the word "boring" in any context in one of your forecasts? Unsubscribe now! Because if you ever take their advice and keep your thoughts to yourself...then I will break into your home to read your diary! (which I could get away with since you believe in ghosts and would be startled by my reflection) Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 3:51 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Now you WOULD be truly bored if you read my diary!!! Monday- Work, home, softball practice. Annoyed Ric with emails. Went to gym. Passed out. Tuesday- See above. Wednesday- hump day- did not do any humping. Walked on beach for an hour, ate roast beef sandwich. Ric called while I was in tub and would not shut up. I insulted him and he died laughing. Went to bed. Thursday- Got pissed off and deleted Ric. Friday- Was ignored by everyone on myspace (who obviously have lives?), so got lots of work done. Went to gym. Ate roast beef sandwich. Passed out. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:03 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	My diary had one entry for the whole week..."Went on a roller coaster ride with someone who provided the highest highs and lowest lows...I was cheering when she sat down beside me and then throwing up with fear when my passenger disappeared and then smiling when she reappeared and then crying when the ride slowed down and fearful she'd throw me overboard so she could ride with another and I got really upset when I read a sign that said 'you must be this handsome to ride this ride and it had a picture of....well...not me'" Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:16 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I hate roller coasters I prefer the water rides where you get really soaked at the end. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:21 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	Sweating in the gym, bubble baths, hurricanes and thunder storms, friends across the pond, water rides, wet teeshirt contests...does any aspect of your life NOT involve water? Hey everyone...it's MySpace quiz time! Which of the above examples did Ric throw in there just for a cheap laugh? Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:36 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I hate sleepin in the wet spot though Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:09 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I'm a Pisces...the fish. Me, take a bubble bath??? *pshhh* Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:49 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	I'm a Leo...the cat. (Jules says "No...you're a dog...that's why I keep you on a leash and am considering buying a muzzle.") Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:52 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	*jules chuckles because she already purchased a muzzle for ric* Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:54 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Why am I nowhere in that diary, and I talk to you every day? Even the roast beef got more blog time than I did! Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 5:58 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	It was just the condensed version. Everyone already knows that you and I talk all the time so I just eliminated the obvious. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 6:26 PM [Remove]

	Lorraine	Jules, There is NOTHING boring about you, trust me on that one. You give hope to us, the really dull ones-x- Posted by Lorraine on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:04 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Pshh you are NOT dull Lorraine!!! My life is pretty dull most of the time but luckily my sense of humor (humour for you uk folks) gets me through the day. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:07 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lorraine	Your sense of humor/humour is priceless... Posted by Lorraine on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:33 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Hmm so much for my plan to make money off it. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:34 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lorraine	Go for it girl, I heard nuffink... Posted by Lorraine on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 4:39 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Baz	It's over-rated. Sex...not your blogs btw Posted by Baz on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 6:57 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	Depends who you do it with... I have recently discovered ;-))) Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 12, 2008 - Monday at 1:26 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Not that way I do it. Its like a night at a carnival...you may get dizzy and want to throw up but you will have the time of your life, and theres funnel cake for dessert. :-) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 7:03 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Baz	My vertigo came back just reading that. What's funnel cake btw? Posted by Baz on May 12, 2008 - Monday at 10:27 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	OMG you've never had funnel cake? its the best thing ever!!! Its basically like a big weird shaped yeast doughnut with either powdered sugar or chocolate syrup (or both) on top. YUMMY. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 12, 2008 - Monday at 10:41 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tracy	LMAO!!! Posted by Tracy on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:11 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	After that description, I'm seriously considering visiting you and Jimmy sooner than mid-June! Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:55 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	Yeah me too! Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 12, 2008 - Monday at 1:25 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	;-) Stop and pick Tracy up on the way. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:28 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Will do. I hear she has toys and chips. Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:05 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Heck yeah. Fun AND food. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:09 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	I entered "CARNIVAL" in TicketMaster's search field and no results came up. I guess I'll have to stand in line with all the other guys and will probably just come home with sticky fingers...from the cotton candy...not the other guys...unless this is Carnival Cruise Lines you're talking about. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:01 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Ive never been on a Carnival Cruise....but surely it pales in comparison to a night o'muffin. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:03 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Yes, I think that kind of dizzy is more sea-sick, although there are plenty of water-sports involved. Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:07 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	I'd be interested in a three hour tour...a three hour tour. I hope the waves get rough and my tiny ship gets tossed and I end up stranded with someone who is part Ginger and part Mary Anne. Maybe the (English) Professor will join us and... Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:12 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	She may be up for it but she wants to know precisely how small this ship is. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:54 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	See told you (below comment) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:55 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	With this "tiny ship," are we talking more like a row boat or an aircraft carrier? Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:54 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	tiny ship? lmfao. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:15 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	A dinghy (Ric hides head in shame..."Richard's" head also hides...hey...it's the water that causes shrinkage...not the comments from MySpace's hottest women) Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:13 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Awww poor ric. You just can't catch a break can you? Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:18 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	Yes...sadly, I make Gilligan look like Leonardo DiCaprio. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:20 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I heard Bob Denver was hung like a horse. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 9:26 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	I heard other stories...like why the Skipper was happy to sleep with his "little buddy" and how they had plenty of chances to get off the island but CHOSE to stay on their own Fire Island. It freaks me out though that, with all of the trunks of clothing the Howell's brought along, that everyone wore the same clothes all of the time. Then again, I loved the show because it made my wearing long pants on the beach seem normal. Yes...I have skinny legs too...in addition to... Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:17 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

♥buttmuffin♥

Ric I think you should list 10 good qualities about yourself, quickly, before we all start crying. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:20 PM [Remove]

Belladonna

You got me interested in looking up my horoscope, Jules! Here was today's: "You are almost certainly feeling a bit of urgency toward some strange issue in your life. It's a good time to try getting people involved, because you are in the midst of a big change that affects everyone." I can see being in the midst of the big change part, but the "strange issue"? Wonder what's so strange? It is odd for me not to have sex for so long. That's got to be a record in my life. But is it strange? And which people should I try getting involved? And just how involved should they be? I mean, to the point of dizziness and funnel cakes??? ;) Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:07 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I cannot believe the longest you've ever been without sex is TWO MONTHS. If I didn't love you so much I'd really hate you. LMAO Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:15 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tracy	Sounds like a sex toy party is in order...vibrator races can be a hoot especially when huge bowls of potato chips are involved....from what I hear, that is. Posted by Tracy on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:09 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Vibrator races?? Potato chips?? Please elaborate. I got tons o'toys, and of course Roger. But I miss rubbing my cold feet on hairy legs every night. :) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:16 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tracy	Basically, it involves putting several vibrators into a bowl of chips, turning them on, and the vibrator that wiggles it's way out first, wins. Chips fly, I imagine. This is a story from my friend, Renee. I think of it every time I talk to her...funny stuff. Must involve quite a bit of drinking too. hehe. Posted by Tracy on May 12, 2008 - Monday at 9:48 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I sure have missed out on a lot of things. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 12, 2008 - Monday at 10:43 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	Please....for the love of God...someone ELSE reply to this before I posted something that will surely get me deleted. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:25 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh you gotta tell me now Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:29 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	Ten Good Qualities (although she removed the "reply to this" from her comment above fearing I would actually follow thru) 1. I have hairy legs! 2. It's probably not my LEG your cold foot is touching...hehehe. 3. I still have a full head of hair (see number 2) 4. Okay....it's probably my back hair that your foot is rubbing but I do remove it. 5. Hell...I almost shaved my head for you. 6. I'm soooooo good that you can put all of your toys in storage. 7. Okay...I'm not that good and you'll be ordering alot of "pizza deliveries" and seem to need the cable guy to visit often and demand the pool boy and gardener take up residence. But I'm an excellent schmuck and clueless boyfriend and won't mind forking over expense money to keep you happy. 8. I'm a big enough schmuck to subscribe to your blogs even after you use them to tell all of your girlfriends all of the stupid things I've done. 9. I won't freak out when you scream out other guys' names at night.... 10. ....even when I'm on the phone with you. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:47 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	LMFAO. You're gonna make people think we're having a lot more interesting conversation on the phone than what actually takes place. Reality: Ric: blah blah blah blah blah Jules: OMG I'm losing my mind! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 10:52 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	That's such an insult....to your friends. To think they'd believe for a minute that a guy like me would even get to talk to a woman like you for four hours a night...ooops...I mean even a few minutes. p.s. I love the way you simply sign off for the night without a proper "goodnight". I am soooooo deleting you! First...tell me more about this Rhoda. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:09 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I didn't sign off! Rhoda is fuckin awesome. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:11 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	You guys are too funny. But all this sexual tension between the two of you is getting to me and making me dizzy for real. You need to just get a room and get it over with. And then do a blog and tell us all about it. We'll eat potato chips and funnel cake while we read all about it. Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:03 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Sexual Tension??? More like rics lust and my intense fear. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:12 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	Must ALL women use the phrase "get it over with" when discussing sex with me? Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:11 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I would assume so. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:12 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	I will stay online all night (and quit that stupid job) if necessary just to keep you from having the last word on your own blog page. My lust is almost as extraordinary as you are. Oh...who am I kidding? I am signing off now...I have someone to dream of. Feel free to post any nasty thing about me that your heart desires...just keep thinking about me! Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:22 PM [Remove]

	♥buttmuffin♥	You say that but then the 'reply to this' is missing (coincidence? I think not) so I am unable to. Nighty night! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:26 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	I don't even know how to disable the 'reply to this'. Maybe I've maxed out my silliness for this blog and it's Tom's way of saying "Don't encourage him!" So I guess I owe you an apology...maybe you didn't disable it with a previous comment of yours. Of course, our love is too strong to allow technical difficulties to keep us apart. I feel a blog coming on..."Buttmuffin and Arsebiscuit versus MySpace" (I give you top billing because you have more readers and you're usually on top anyway) Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:38 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	*rolls eyes* you weren't lying about having the last word. *sigh* *deletes ric* *makes blog private* Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:42 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	I always said I wanted you to keep me up all night but this is ridiculous. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:45 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	If I stay up 15 minutes longer (which would be a record for me) maybe we can move this to your May 12th horoscope blog! Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:46 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I have a feeling tomorrows horoscope will say: "You may want to turn off the phones, not log on, and hide under the covers. But there is no escape. Tough luck." Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:51 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	Hmmmm..."under the covers". On that note (and image) I shall say goodnight. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:56 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	*Belladonna claps and laughs out loud* Posted by Belladonna on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:51 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Head First	Please Donna...tell me you were laughing at Jules. I've been laughed at enough for one evening...okay...one lifetime. It usually doesn't happen until after I've undressed. Posted by Head First on May 11, 2008 - Sunday at 11:59 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

Belladonna

I was laughing WITH you that she was keeping you up and at the idea that we were about to have a whole new horoscope at midnight! Sleep well and have lovely dreams, my friend. Posted by Belladonna on May 12, 2008 - Monday at 12:06 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]