ponderings about life

ponderings about life.
Current mood: thoughtful

1. In tests, the combination of pumpkin pie and lavender stimulated penile blood flow. After years of rubbing myself down with McCormick Pumpkin Pie Spice and Yardley's English Lavender, planting lavender near my door, and sitting freshly-baked pies in my window sill, the only thing I have attracted is insects and hungry neighbor children. Why won't someone create a perfume with these two ingredients in it, and throw in some pheromones as well and maybe a small cloth and some chloroform as obviously the latter is what it will take for me to lure a man home.

2. Don't you just love it when your arm falls asleep? Its just like you're lying there with someone else. The unfortunate side of this is that while I should really take this opportunity for a bit of fantasy role playing, it usually occurs at 3 am, and is the result of a 70 lb child sleeping on my arm. By the time I manage to pull my arm out from beneath her heavy, 150 degree body, I am too exhausted to even think about the wonderful possibilities I am missing out on.

3. How come the collection agencies can always manage to track me down, no matter how many times I change my name and move, yet the child support agency can't seem to locate my dumb ass ex bf who sits home smoking weed all day?

4. I am attracted to apathetic men. This is the story of my life. I can't tell you how many times I embarrassed myself in high school, sending notes proclaiming my undying love for the quarterback, the hot artsy guy, the president of the student association... only to be mocked and ridiculed. Meanwhile I was receiving notes from the math club president and the guy who eats paste. The irony.
Sadly times have not changed, and apathy is still like a siren luring me with its aloofness-pheromones like a bee to honey. Then, since my self esteem is a precarious slope to begin with, I fall into despair when the object of my affection does not share my feelings (which is inevitable because he DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT!!!). Why oh why can't neediness and vulnerability be attractive? It works for puppies!! And Barbra sang "people, who need people, are the luckiest people in the world!" and she found some hot lovin with James Brolin at what, 60 yrs of age?? Ahhh Barbra you give me hope.

5. The wonder and surprises of childhood. How I miss them. Nothing surprises me anymore, it seems. Just once, I want to walk into work and have a package sitting there that I did not expect, or flowers out of the blue, or a singing stripper gram. *sigh* There is truly only one person who genuinely surprises me, with an occasional email out of nowhere, when I least expect it, after months of no contact....the email is always heartfelt, sincere and wonderful and makes me feel like the me I always wanted to be. Unfortunately I think he sends them when he's been out drinking heavily... I wish he'd do that more often.

6. Since my parents have been gone, I have felt like a child without their blanket. They always made me feel safe and secure and warm. Whenever the troubles of life got to me, I knew they were my safety net. I could safely fall and they'd be there to catch me in loving arms. Now there is only me and 100' of rocky cliffs and a cavernous dark chasm and I think there is a flesh eating dragon at the bottom.

7. I've spent so much of my life waiting. Waiting in line 2 hours for a 2 minute ride, waiting at the DMV, the grocery store checkout, the doctors office...waiting for something good to happen, waiting for my life to begin. (hey I'm 40 now, where the hell are you?) It feels like such wasted time, all this waiting.
"Good things come to those who wait."
fuck that.
I say it should be "Good things come to those who deserve them."

8. I'm tired now, and if I crawl back in bed with the snoring 7 yr old, perhaps my arm will fall asleep and I can have a little fun.


myspace comments:

Doug	Sorry to laugh at your predicament,but you put that so eloquintly. You really are one hell of a good writer. Can almost feel your pain. Think positive and good will come your way. Hope you have a good day. If I new where you worked I'd send a stripper over with flowers to perk you up. Posted by Doug on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 6:26 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Make sure they are daisies and are strategically placed, so I may peel off petals one by one reciting "he loves me he loves me not" until I get to the really big surprise underneath. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 7:43 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	LMNGAOOOO Jules! I think youre not as needy and vulnerable as you think. I think you have alot of men who would jump at the chance to be with you... but what you want/need is QUALITY. You want a quality man, who you love, who is your soulmate... and it sounds like youre willing to wait til he shows up. This Jules shows strength, guts, determination, and hope. Id take my hat off to you Jules were I wearing one. :-) What the hell is paste? How do you eat paste? toothpaste? or those little jars of paste we used to havein the 1970's here? Explain please. Whats the recipe for the pumkin and lavendar paste? I may market it.... along with the passionata de juicy juice. xx Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 6:44 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh and feel the need to clarify a bit. I am neither needy nor vulnerable really. I'm a strong independent woman who gets a bit lonely sometimes. The PROBLEM is that I can't find a suitable man who NEEDS ME (desperately). see??? The ones I fancy all could live without me, and this simply won't do. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 9:43 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Paste- the stuff in jars with the lid that had a brush attached, for gluing hearts cut out of construction paper onto cards, like the one the math geek sent me. 1 and 1 is two and I want you. Sadly the card from the paste-eating fellow was taped together and not as attractive. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 7:44 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	Excuse my spelling Im in a hurry... pumPkin and lavendEr I mean... jeez... Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 6:46 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	OH GLUE! See here paste is glue. He eats glue? My students eat glue all the time :-) Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 2:56 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lorraine	Jules Twice in one day, I've only just re-applied the mascara from your last blog, now I have panda eyes which is useful as I am off to Marwell Zoo in a moment. You are the sweetest, funniest lady, and trust me, good things will happen, might just take a little while:))) Posted by Lorraine on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 7:06 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Perhaps in the future you should read my blogs at bedtime after the makeup has come off. Then you can cry yourself to sleep or just laugh at me and think "ho ho ho at least I'm not jules!" Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 7:46 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lorraine	Jules I'm sorry if I have offend you in any way. If I did it was most unconsciously done. I was smiling and not laughing. I feel totally rubbish now-x- Posted by Lorraine on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 8:58 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I know, Lorraine!! I was just trying to be funny as usual, to hide the pain. *sniffle* Your comments on the blogs today were sweet and I love you for it!! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 9:45 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Lorraine	I'm filling up again. Misunderstandings R' us! Thank you-x- Posted by Lorraine on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 12:19 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chickwah	Brilliantly written, Jules and spot on, as always! I share your pain because I'm in the same predicament! Sadly, when my arm falls asleep at 3am, I have no control over it and it flails around hitting me in the eye and knocking the alarm clock off my bedside cabinet - so no prospect of actually directing it in any useful way! Posted by Chickwah on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 7:39 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	Oh yes I quite miss all the flailing about. I wore an eye patch for most of 2007. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 7:47 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chickwah	You too, huh? Posted by Chickwah on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 8:24 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	jimmy	Have you considered the possibility that the poor little fella who was eating paste had read that studies showed the smell of paste-breath stimulated vaginal flow? You really can't trust those studies, I'm sure with a little fact checking we would discover that these studies were financed by the Institution For the Advancement of Lavender,Pumpkin, And Paste. And hold fast, because good things wait for those who come. Or something like that. Posted by jimmy on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 9:16 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	lmao in that case I should have a lot of good things waiting for me.. I was busy yesterday. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 9:26 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Melissa	If I only knew a stripper who would do a strip-o-gram, I'd have you happy for weeks. LMAO! Maybe you just need to get out of the house more. Just ask my son, it seems everywhere we go there is some pathetic man hitting on me. Last week there was a guy at the gym, telling me his entire life story while the kids were swimming. He's sugar daddy type, and I wanted to gag. I kept saying, "Come on Drew, you've got homework to do. We gotta go." Old man had kids Drew's age, but his much younger wife left him after he paid for her new boobs. Imagine that. To think he was dumb enough not to see that coming did give me the hope that there really are suckers out there that aren't women. You wanna go to the BMF for a bit Saturday night??? Maybe you will bump into Mr. Man...??? Posted by Melissa on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 11:09 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I DO get out of the house. Hell I was gone all day Saturday and Sat night!! from 1 pm to 11pm. Mr Man? Didn't they have a big hit in the 80's? Oh and can you give that guy my phone I need some new boobs. I'll let you know about BMF. Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 11:15 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Well, I'm not a guy to keep you warm at night or the sweet security blanket your parents obviously were, but I love you, Jules, and I think you are wonderful. So maybe I can be your "sleepy bunny," and you can set me on your extra pillow, and I'll watch over your dreams and make sure they're only lovely ones. xxx Posted by Belladonna on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 11:59 AM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Belladonna	Posted by Belladonna on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 12:00 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	your dark side must be pure eVil Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 12:28 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Rhoda Whitehorse	FFS Jules... please remember she is your sleep bunny and dont go trying to shag her in the night ok? Posted by Rhoda Whitehorse on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 2:59 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	I'll try but its been a long time Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 3:02 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chilli	No 6 : Fuck the dragons, no need to worry anymore .. white charger into the bargain ! :) Posted by Chilli on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 5:58 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Chilli	Ah .. realised, post-comment, and so, before you go there .. no ! I did'nt mean "you" to fuck the dragons :) Posted by Chilli on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 6:03 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	♥buttmuffin♥	hehe my hero!!!!!!!!! :) Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 5, 2008 - Monday at 7:28 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

	Tracy	What heartfelt ponderings. I'm sorry you don't have your parents. The finality of not having them has to be so difficult. I'll share mine with you if you want...;) You are beautiful and I'm sure things will get better. Posted by Tracy on May 6, 2008 - Tuesday at 3:33 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]

♥buttmuffin♥

thanks tracy you are so sweet. I'm in a great mood today, and I'm going to the gym after work, so things are going well!!! Posted by ♥buttmuffin♥ on May 6, 2008 - Tuesday at 3:39 PM [Remove] [Reply to this]