ponderings about life. 1. In tests, the combination of pumpkin pie and lavender stimulated penile blood flow. After years of rubbing myself down with McCormick Pumpkin Pie Spice and Yardley's English Lavender, planting lavender near my door, and sitting freshly-baked pies in my window sill, the only thing I have attracted is insects and hungry neighbor children. Why won't someone create a perfume with these two ingredients in it, and throw in some pheromones as well and maybe a small cloth and some chloroform as obviously the latter is what it will take for me to lure a man home.
Current mood: thoughtful
2. Don't you just love it when your arm falls asleep? Its just like you're lying there with someone else. The unfortunate side of this is that while I should really take this opportunity for a bit of fantasy role playing, it usually occurs at 3 am, and is the result of a 70 lb child sleeping on my arm. By the time I manage to pull my arm out from beneath her heavy, 150 degree body, I am too exhausted to even think about the wonderful possibilities I am missing out on.
3. How come the collection agencies can always manage to track me down, no matter how many times I change my name and move, yet the child support agency can't seem to locate my dumb ass ex bf who sits home smoking weed all day?
4. I am attracted to apathetic men. This is the story of my life. I can't tell you how many times I embarrassed myself in high school, sending notes proclaiming my undying love for the quarterback, the hot artsy guy, the president of the student association... only to be mocked and ridiculed. Meanwhile I was receiving notes from the math club president and the guy who eats paste. The irony.
Sadly times have not changed, and apathy is still like a siren luring me with its aloofness-pheromones like a bee to honey. Then, since my self esteem is a precarious slope to begin with, I fall into despair when the object of my affection does not share my feelings (which is inevitable because he DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT!!!). Why oh why can't neediness and vulnerability be attractive? It works for puppies!! And Barbra sang "people, who need people, are the luckiest people in the world!" and she found some hot lovin with James Brolin at what, 60 yrs of age?? Ahhh Barbra you give me hope.
5. The wonder and surprises of childhood. How I miss them. Nothing surprises me anymore, it seems. Just once, I want to walk into work and have a package sitting there that I did not expect, or flowers out of the blue, or a singing stripper gram. *sigh* There is truly only one person who genuinely surprises me, with an occasional email out of nowhere, when I least expect it, after months of no contact....the email is always heartfelt, sincere and wonderful and makes me feel like the me I always wanted to be. Unfortunately I think he sends them when he's been out drinking heavily... I wish he'd do that more often.
6. Since my parents have been gone, I have felt like a child without their blanket. They always made me feel safe and secure and warm. Whenever the troubles of life got to me, I knew they were my safety net. I could safely fall and they'd be there to catch me in loving arms. Now there is only me and 100' of rocky cliffs and a cavernous dark chasm and I think there is a flesh eating dragon at the bottom.
7. I've spent so much of my life waiting. Waiting in line 2 hours for a 2 minute ride, waiting at the DMV, the grocery store checkout, the doctors office...waiting for something good to happen, waiting for my life to begin. (hey I'm 40 now, where the hell are you?) It feels like such wasted time, all this waiting.
"Good things come to those who wait."
I say it should be "Good things come to those who deserve them."
8. I'm tired now, and if I crawl back in bed with the snoring 7 yr old, perhaps my arm will fall asleep and I can have a little fun.