spread your legs and relax.

Yeah I had the pleasure of visiting my gynecologist today. Actually I hadn't been in 4 yrs and I got this new woman doctor who was really nice. She informed me that I was really fat and need to lose weight (well not in those words, she tried to be polite). She said everything looked ok but I have to go back on Friday to do blood tests for cholesterol, glucose and thyroid. Wouldn't it be great if my fatness was caused by a thryoid problem? Yeah wishful thinking. My fatness is a combination of mom and dad's metabolism and my lazy ass that won't exercise like I should (I really don't eat that much honest). Anyway she prescribed me a new bc pill and lexapro to combat my extremely severe PMS (crying one minute, full of rage the next...my kids are scared of me). So I hope that works. The side effects list sucks however...I will be sleepy yet also suffer from insomnia, be really sweaty, have no sex drive and if I ever do want to have sex, I probably won't be able to have an orgasm. Sounds like fun. But at least I won't be screaming and pulling out my hair, so I guess that's good. My kids will be glad.

ring ring *shudder*

I am always getting weird phone calls but lately they get weirder and weirder. (I hate talking on the phone to begin with and I screen all my calls.) In addition to the usual telemarketers who call night and day, and when the answering machine picks up they come on the line in their eastern indian accents, oblivious to the fact that they are talking to a machine: Juleeee??? Juleeeeee are you there??? Helloooooo??? Umm DUH the machine ain't gonna talk back.
Then there are the people wanting money. Like the police officer's whatever that keep calling me for donations.
Me: "Hello?"
Them: "Yes, Julie? this is Ripoff Scamhole, I am with the the Police Officer's Family League and I was wondering if you would like to make a donation?"
Me: "Sorry, I was married to a cop for 10 yrs, I have paid my dues. bye bye now."
Them: "But you can make a contribution as small as 5 dollars!"
Me: click.
Or the call I got at work informing me I could get 10 magazines FOR FREE!! "No cost at all?", I asked, suspiciously. "They are absolutely 100% free!" Since I do get free magazines through work sometimes, I gave the freakin moron my information. After she had my mailing address, dob, my pets names and my blood type, she asks for my credit card info. "Wait, I thought this was free?" "It is, but we do ask for a small shipping and handling charge of only $5.95 per week for 5 yrs!" Click. Does anyone fall for this shit?

Well last week I had a message from someone who tracked me down from a sweepstakes group. Scary huh? I mean I try my hardest not to post my last name on the web but in this particular group it has been posted a few times due to winner's lists and whatnot. So if there were any psychos on that forum, they could easily track me down. Guess my plan to keep my phone number publicly listed so as to not miss the phone call from my high school crush who is now divorced and suddenly realizes he wants to see me again after all these years, may have to end. *sigh* Anyway this lady wanted to start a sweepstakes club but at the end of the message she realized we were 7 hours apart and said, "umm nevermind don't call me back". Ok.
Then later the same day I get a phone call from some girl...
Me: "Hello"
Her: "Hey julie!"
Me: "Ummm hi? Who is this?"
Her: "Shuug, its DeWanna!!"
Me: "Who??"
Her:"DE-WANNA" (I'm not joking that is what her name was.)
Me: "I think you may have the wrong number."
Her:"Is this the julie who was married to... *beep- call waiting rings another call in*...*silence* ?
Me: (pretending I heard whoever it was she said)"Ummm no"
Her: "Ok bye"

Then there was the call a few months ago where someone left a message saying "JUUUUUULIE! JULIE JULIE JULIE JULIE JULIE boogedy boogedy oo oo ooo!!!!" in a weird childlike voice. I imagined a serial killer dressed in a babydoll dress waiting around the corner with a big knife. I still have no idea who that was. Maybe its the person in Denver who reads my blog archives from beginning to end all night long. Does that person have nothing better to do? Hell I don't even want to read my own blog from beginning to end.

Like seriously my phone number will be unlisted soon.

fishies, moon and pier one

Not much going on this weekend. The baby daddy came and picked up the spewing child so I could have a break, thank God. I downloaded 100 songs last night, did all the 600+ expiring sweeps for 2/28 on online-sweepstakes.com, cleaned my room, washed dishes and took a nice bubble bath. I'm about ready to crash but I wanted to show you guys a few cool things I got recently. All were free, either gifts or wins. First off check out the fishtank motion wall art I got with my spencers GC I won.

Then there is the Moon in my Room that my sister bought me (at Target)for my birthday. I had seen it there at xmas and wanted it for myself. It hangs on the wall and has a remote control, you can set it to whatever phase of the moon you like. It looks REAL, although you can't really tell from my crappy photo as I had to cover the flash with my finger for it to show up.

Then I spent the Pier One GC I got for xmas, finally, on a table runner and assorted japanese looking plates and chopsticks and cool mirrored coasters. I think it looks awesome, I love this kinda stuff. You can also see part of the spewing child in this pic, luckily she wasn't spewing at the time.

Ugh

Still sick with head cold and nasty cough. Feel like crap, ass is dragging. Now the little one is sick, except instead of just a cold like me, she is spewing left and right and running a temperature. Life is fun, especially when you are a single parent and you have to work even when you feel as though your head could literally explode at any moment. I'll be back. I hope.

POP! Goes My Heart!

My sisters,niece Andrea and my daughter Lauren had a girls night out last night to celebrate my upcoming birthday. (#39, yikes, don't wanna discuss it). We went out to a seafood restaurant and then saw the movie Music and Lyrics. We all loved it. We thought it was funny as hell. Apparently we were the only ones who did, as the rest of the audience in the theater sat there like lumps. We were the only people laughing. Whatever. I will admit there were a few slow parts and perhaps it could have been a tad shorter but overall we really enjoyed it. Hugh has still got it, yeah he still does a bit of stammering now and then, but he can actually sing fairly well, and he has dance moves that put milli vanilli to shame. He is damn sexy in this movie. Drew is her usual charming, neurotic, unusual self and they worked well together. And surprise, she can actually sing pretty good too! The music was excellent in fact as soon as we got home my daughter and I started downloading the soundtrack LOL.

I feel very nostalgic about the 80's...*sigh* my high school years, some of the best times of my life. In fact my favorite movie is The Wedding Singer. And this video below, which is the intro to the movie, is so 80's it's unreal LOL. You have got to see it to believe it. I just had to post it. Watch and enjoy.

In other news I am sick as hell. Been coming down with something the past few days and last night was pretty bad. I coughed and coughed, and could only breathe out of one nostril. The particular nostril varied depending on which side I rolled over onto, but it was always just ONE. I woke up about 10 times with my tongue hanging out, all dried up and feeling like I had been eating cotton balls. Luckily I had water nearby, but anyway I feel like shit. So I will go back to bed now, and hope that everyone has a pleasant Sunday.

Happy Valentines Day

So far I got nothing. Anybody get anything good? If all else fails I am going to go buy myself some chocolate and some alcohol and watch something sappy on tv.
Update: Received some daisies (my fave flower) from someone special.
I had ordered sumo cookies for my daughters for v-day and only one arrived. GRRRRR. I called them yesterday and was assured that I would receive the missing one today. However it is now 554pm and no sign of it. However, we tasted the one that arrived and it is really yummy. Check them out: sumo cookies

how you found my site....

Very interesting. Just reading these, you find out a lot about what is hidden in the depths of my blog history....and about the psychos who are online, googling at all hours of the night.



Searches that led to my site:

• Obese Man Bra- Google Canada
• Fat Ass- Google
• Life Sucks- Google
• Fat Ass Movies- Google
• Happy Bunny- Google
• Chickety China the Chinese Chicken- Google New Zealand
  
• Pimped out john- Google
• Head shave- Google Germany
• Josh's Fat Ass- Google
• Dakota Fanning in Sandals- Google
• Evil Kitten- Google UK
• Lesbian Ass Munching-Yahoo
• Fat Spread Ass- Google
• Coloring Gay-Google
• Kelly Kettle, Bush Saw, Blades- Google UK
• Kitten in Danger- Google
• Little Innocent Pussy- Google

And now that I have posted all these, I will have twice as many weirdos being directed to my site. hahahahaha.

Which Vista is right for YOU?

Windows Vista to Ship in 33 Different Versions By Russell Skingsley

Redmond, WA - Microsoft announced today that its new operating system Vista will ship in 33 editions to enable consumers to get exactly which version they need. Barry Goffe, a director of Microsoft's Windows client unit announced this innovative move from Microsoft earlier today. "We're trying to make sure we have the right set of offerings for different customers," said Goffe. The impressive list of Vista Editions follows: Vista Professional Edition Vista Semi-Professional Edition Vista Slightly Professional Edition Vista Complete Amateur Edition Vista Server Edition Vista Server Premium Edition Vista Server Not Bad But Not As Good As Premium Edition Vista Server My Other Edition Is Premium Edition Edition Vista 5 User License Edition Vista Site License Edition Vista Country License Edition Vista Planetary License Edition Vista Galaxy License Edition Vista Universe License Edition Vista Universe License Without Windows Media Player Edition* Vista Home Edition Vista Home Premium Edition Vista Home Premium Edition With Some Server Features Vista Home I Can't Believe It's Not Server Edition Vista Away From Home But Have My Laptop With Me Edition Vista Gamers Edition Vista Mostly Play Games but Also Like to Surf the Net Edition Vista Boot Straight Into World of Warcraft and Never Be Seen Again Edition Vista Just Read Email And Clean Up Viruses Edition Vista Downloaded Via Bittorrent Just Wait For The Subpoena Edition Vista Erases Your iPod Edition (with Free Creative Player Voucher Included) Vista Beginners Edition Vista Intermediate Edition Vista Advanced Edition Vista Write My Own Drivers Edition Vista One Finger On The Reset Button Edition Vista Uninstall And Reinstall XP Edition Vista ME Just Joking! Practical Jokers Edition Related News New Sony Digital Camera Installs Rootkit to Stop Photosharing Who Wants to Program a Low-Level Linux Driver? Plug And Play (Keep 'Em All Updated) *Only Available In Europe "There should be something there for everyone," said Goffe. When asked when the editions would be shipping, Goffe replied, "I can't really say, we haven't finished coding any of this yet."

Here are 3 more in production:

Vista: this is the edition i think my mate has edition
Vista: is this the one that works edition
Vista: has anyone tried this version edition

Baja here I come

Here is the link for the sweepstakes, if you look on the left it has links for the resort I will be staying at.

Woot.

Happy Friday People!!

I was in a good mood this morning

but it has gone quickly downhill. I was going to submit a post today about my big win from yesterday, but that will have to wait until tomorrow I guess. *keep you in suspense, haha*.
I haven't been in a really good mood, for no reason, for a LONG time. But I was this morning. I was singing on the way to work and just enthusiastic about life. Then I get to work and the ex said something to me that hurt my feelings. Then I clicked on firefox and google news has this story on there about a man who beat his 2 yr old daughter and threw her outside in the cold to die. This is why I don't read the news or watch it on tv. Shit like this hurts my very soul. I cannot fathom how anyone can be that cruel to another human being, let alone their own child. I wiped my tears and said a prayer for the little girl's soul and then I silently wished that the man who did it would get his testicles caught in a grinder and bleed to death. Well at this point it is time for my lunch break, and I have to go grocery shopping. As I am headed out the door, my brother mentions to me that my Dad's car is out front and he is selling it. (if you did not know, my dad passed away last January). He says, "do you want the plate that was on it?". *sigh* A couple of years ago I gave my dad a vanity plate for the front of his cadillac, it was a beautiful sunset scene of a lighthouse and had the word POP on it. That's what we called him. It meant a lot to him because he was stationed on a lighthouse in Vinalhaven Maine many, many years ago when he was in the coast guard. He loved that place so much he would visit it whenever he got a chance, even though it was only accessible by a 2 hour ferry ride, had one hotel and there was NOTHING to do there, but eat. He loved lobster, and whenever he visited Maine he would eat it for breakfast, lunch, and supper. Hey I don't blame him. Anyway, my brother hands me the plate and I start bawling like a baby. GREAT. I continue to cry until I reach the Food Lion parking lot, where I grab some tissue out of the glove compartment and manage to get myself halfway put together so I don't look like I am a psycho or something. I don't want to scare nobody. Then I am casually strolling up to the door when I trip over my own foot and fall. OMG. The horror. I. AM. SO. FUCKING. EMBARRASSED. I sit there for a few minutes, looking to the sky and thinking WHY ME?? Then I stand up, brushing myself off and start checking my injuries (toe and knee, scraped, OW). Hoping no one noticed, I hobble towards the door. No such luck. Apparently everyone witnessed the event. Several people walk up to ask me if I am ok. I nod and say, "just embarrassed". This is just one day I wish I had never got out of bed.

SPICY

Since I have been following my mostly vegetarian diet since January 1st, I like to have a bowl of soup or a sandwich for lunch. Well I picked up some of this here THAI KITCHEN Spring Onion Rice Noodle Bowl at my local Food Lion. Little did I know what I was about to endure. Nowhere on this package does it mention the words spicy or hot. There is no warning label advising people to have a gallon of ice water nearby. There is a brief listing of the word 'pepper' on the ingredient list, at the very end. I would say that the words "THAI KITCHEN" may imply that it could be rather spicy, except I have tried some other flavors and they didn't cause me to nearly choke, my eyes water, my nose run, and make me run flying to the water dispenser like a bat out of hell.
Other than the flaming hot spices that nearly killed me, it tasted pretty good. I highly recommend it if you have a stuffy nose. Just be sure to wear waterproof mascara.

Analyze this dream.

I dreamed that I woke up and the room was dark but the DEVIL was standing by my bed, he was like 8' tall, dressed all in black. He took this giant rug and spread it out on the floor and pointed at it. He said nothing but I somehow understood that he wanted something that was precious to me, so I took something (not sure what) and threw it on the rug. The rug consumed the item and then vanished. I went back to sleep and then he came back again and once more laid the rug out and pointed. I took another item and threw on the rug and it vanished again. He looked at me, and his face was so awful, you guys. He said "I will return". I woke up shortly after that.

Geez I need therapy after that shit.

naked gym?

Click this for the story
Working out at the gym involves an awful lot of sweating, grunting and groaning...and its not something that should be done naked when around others. All I can imagine is the big hairy guy that used to go to my gym. He looked somewhat like Ernest Borgnine, except hairier. He was always completely covered in sweat, too. He would lift a weight, make an excruciating face and scream out "AAAHHH". Now I am imagining him doing that naked, and its not a pretty sight. *shudder* How about those thigh machines and butt blasters? Can you imagine the things you would see then. I'm sticking to my oversized tshirt and black capri leggings, thank you very much. I do not want to see old hairy balls bouncing around with sweat dripping off of them or see the insides of the lady next to me.
I feel sorry for whoever has to clean up this place afterwards. I would be taking a bath in clorox and scrubbing myself with pumice and apricot kernels.

fun weekend...NOT

Well it started off well enough, until Alex's father (my previous ex bf) called me Friday evening to inform me that he has knocked up his 20 yr old live in girlfriend. I am so delighted. Don't get me wrong, I like the girl and she is good to Alex. But he can barely pay me child support. He has to go to court every month to try to pay the back money.
Then there was some drama with another ex and his gf which I can't really get into on here, but needless to say the weekend was filled with every emotion known to man, along with some smirnoff and a few xanax. Which brings me to my current raging headache. To make it even more fun, Lauren decided to stay up all night Friday and Saturday night, until like 7 am, opening and shutting doors and cooking things that stunk up the house. So I didn't get much sleep this weekend.
Also, I broke out with some sort of rash on my neck along the same time that Alex broke out on her face. Took her to the pediatrician today and was told they are unrelated. OK. *rolls eyes* He told me to apply vaseline to Alex's rash and cortisone to mine. Forty dollars, please.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be pain free and full of wit.
*jules goes off to read everyone's blogs*